emmmapea Posted December 16, 2012 Report Share Posted December 16, 2012 I just stumbled upon this site yesterday in the same way that many of us probably have in our situation. I honestly couldn't even believe what I was reading. I felt relieved yet angry/confused at the same time. Everything you have there on the site - all the information, the articles, the explanations, the feelings - they are all completely on point. It all makes total sense. But why is this information not supported by the public? Why haven't medical professionals realized what is actually happening here with this drug? Moreover, what kind of people does this make us then? As much as I'm so glad to find a group of people like me here online, after realizing that none of this information is supported by physicians/research, makes me feel in a way that it's all my fault, and that I'm the weak one. Like this isn't supposed to happen to regular people, or else there would be more of a backing of information surrounding the topic. And now, I'm even more angry that this drug, Adderall, the whole reason behind taking being to enhance my ability to study/work, has now completely failed me. I'm just fucked. It doesn't even work successfully for me anymore. I feel like I have to take it to work, but then when I sit down to write my paper, I get NOTHING. I used to write with such ease. I have now just most likely failed a class because I couldn't write the final research paper. I just sat for hours, days staring at the computer screen, reaching desperately to find the right words. I feel embarassed. Stupid. I could do this before. And now I'm even more worried because if I've hit the point of not even being able to be successful on adderall, what the hell is going to happen once I stop taking it. I'm so angry. This should have never happened. To me, or any of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted December 16, 2012 Report Share Posted December 16, 2012 I just stumbled upon this site yesterday in the same way that many of us probably have in our situation. I honestly couldn't even believe what I was reading. I felt relieved yet angry/confused at the same time. Everything you have there on the site - all the information, the articles, the explanations, the feelings - they are all completely on point. It all makes total sense. But why is this information not supported by the public? Why haven't medical professionals realized what is actually happening here with this drug? Moreover, what kind of people does this make us then? As much as I'm so glad to find a group of people like me here online, after realizing that none of this information is supported by physicians/research, makes me feel in a way that it's all my fault, and that I'm the weak one. Like this isn't supposed to happen to regular people, or else there would be more of a backing of information surrounding the topic. And now, I'm even more angry that this drug, Adderall, the whole reason behind taking being to enhance my ability to study/work, has now completely failed me. I'm just fucked. It doesn't even work successfully for me anymore. I feel like I have to take it to work, but then when I sit down to write my paper, I get NOTHING. I used to write with such ease. I have now just most likely failed a class because I couldn't write the final research paper. I just sat for hours, days staring at the computer screen, reaching desperately to find the right words. I feel embarassed. Stupid. I could do this before. And now I'm even more worried because if I've hit the point of not even being able to be successful on adderall, what the hell is going to happen once I stop taking it. I'm so angry. This should have never happened. To me, or any of us. Hey emmmapea, welcome to the forum. I keep thinking it's only a matter of time before MSNBC or someone wants to do a sensationalist story on adderall and finds this forum... mark my words. Let's enjoy it and gain from it, and help each other until then... It is amazing that it is prescribed so easily, that it is supposed to help but creates more problems for many of us. I for one did not take it as prescribed, so I can't blame anyone but myself, because I don't know what would have happened if I had taken it as the doctor suggested, rather than as I wanted... The issues are deeper and probably well out of our scope. Why do they want so many of us hooked on these mind altering pharmaceuticals? It's hard to discuss without starting to sound like a conspiracy theorist. But I believe some day it will all be exposed, lies and deceipt expoxed, and the root determined to be money, greed, control, etc.... I am sure that ADD and ADHD could, in MANY cases (not all) be treated with a better diet, exercise, less tv, etc.... In many cases pharmaceuticals are necessary and helpful to the individual, but certainly not in as many cases as exist. I for one wanted a prescription, asked for it, and was given it-- I wasn't urged to try something else first. That is the whole problem with our system. Americans want to eat crap, smoke, be slothful and basically do exactly as they please, and then seek medical help to treat it while still allowing them to keep doing the exact same thing. Smoking, drinking in excess, eating crap, sloth, laziness... those are the root causes of many ails, and yet, rather than change those behaviors, science and medicine is now treating the effects, rather than the causes.... LAME O! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted December 16, 2012 Report Share Posted December 16, 2012 I'm actually not angered, I feel that with enough time..anyone can get back to normal. It's a learning experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted December 16, 2012 Report Share Posted December 16, 2012 Emmmapea, Anger is an early stage of grief. Grief is experienced because of a loss. It is a long and complicated process. The good thing (for you) is that you are angry. You are angry because adderall does not work for you any more like it once did. And it never will work well for you again because you are well beyond the honeymoon stage of your addiction. You are angry because you just realized that your addiction to adderall must come to an end. You will have to say goodbye to an old friend who has now betrayed you. Breaking up is much easier to do with something you have grown to hate. Make a plan to quit and do it soon. Good Luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 I used to be angry at adderall, and I guess sometimes I still am, because being an addict is bad news. It takes way more courage and strength than I ever thought I had to quit. I view it as a divorce that involves manipulation, betrayal, sadness, pain, and even after all of that, you're attached. I think my anger stems from the fact that I don't think I'd ever be addicted to anything else, and now I'm a recovering addict who also became a smoker, which was very much related to the adderall. There then comes a point of acceptance. I abused the shit out of this drug, and now I face the consequences. I would laugh if someone told me years ago I'd be a drug addict, but I am. I'm in recovery, and now I need to do is move forward and grow, as painful as it is sometimes. Welcome to the forums. There are lots of people here who can help you....glad you found the site! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 Hey Ashley, I stopped smoking 9 days ago... someone posted this video on fb it was the last straw for me... I had always been wanting to quit, thought about it all the time, every pack was going to be the last one, this sealed the deal for me for some reason.... first day was the hardest but not that bad, I get occasional urges, they pass... really glad I stopped... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 That's powerful! Thanks for sharing. Congratulations on quitting smoking....that's great! I can't say I've ever actually tried to quit, because I haven't had interest in doing so, but I'm getting to the point where that's starting to change. How much did you smoke a day before you quit? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 depended-- If I had taken adderall that day, a ton. Not a pack, but maybe half a pack... If I hadn't taken adderall that day, a lot less... the adderall totally made me crave cigarettes and chain smoke. Biggest killer in the US, kills more than everything else combined I think (they say). Anyway, was time for me.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 emmmapea, Everything everyone has said here is so true -- it's easy to blame the FDA, doctors, drug companies, the tobacco industry, lobbyists, politicians, the government - and that is usually part of the grieving process as we are looking for some reasons why we look up and our lives have fallen down around our ankles. How could they know all this and get away with it, we ask? How could this have been so readily available, shouldn't it be stopped? I went through this as well, I'm still super angry at my doctors. But if it's not adderall, it will be prescription painkillers. If not that, then high fructose corn syrup. Cigarettes are little cancer sticks but they haven't been outlawed and are not going to be any time soon. People like pleasure, and pleasure doesn't seem to discriminate between what's good and bad for you (you'd think we'd have evolved beyond this wouldn't you? but nope, still a big flaw in us homo sapiens). All I can do is "swim in my own lane" (as we Aussies like to say) and concentrate on filtering out as much of the garbage I can from my life. I have turned the corner from addiction to adderall (and smoking, a few years back), and now having done that, I feel like I've said a great big fuck you to the industries who have made it so accessible to me. I am bigger than that. It's a great feeling. The hardest thing for me now is recognizing the signs of an upcoming addiction, as it's my tendency to go from one addictive thing to another... I quit cigarettes and became a workaholic, then sugar, then adderall... I hope the next addiction's going to be exercise! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ionehitwonderi Posted December 17, 2012 Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 I feel you girl. I'm a writer/poet/songwriter as well and feel that it has crushed my lifes greatest dreams... It got me spiraling into a dark dark dark.. place. It made me hella creative during the first few months of the honeymoon stage & I felt as if I was superwoman... thinkin that I'd be able to create album after album with ease. Boy was I wrong. I completely relate to you on staring at the computer screen for hours.. OMG... and the fact that my creativity/art was the center of my lifes purpose... it felt like I was in hell. I'm still on it trying to ween off, but I was actually able to access my creativity today for the first time in what seems like ages. So there IS hope!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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