Strange sensations?

[goodgirl804]

Hi guys,

Has anyone experienced any weird things since quitting? I know that sounds very broad but my experience is very hard to explain.

Anyone feel anything like a change in consciousness? Increased sense of touch? Feeling hyper alert? Any big changes in thought processes?

When I was in the shower 2 nights ago, I all of a sudden had the sensation of "coming back into my body." When I say that, it's because after experiencing THAT feeling, it made me realize that I had not felt I was actually "in" my body for a really, really long time. I could really feel the water on my face. The skin on the rest of my body actually had sensation. I felt like every sense was heightened x100. It was so overwhelming that I thought I was starting to have a panic attack or seizure or something. It started as very positive but then quickly became almost too much.

For the past few weeks, I have been coming close to having panic attacks when I am driving home on the freeway. It happens almost every day. Each time I take a xanax and I make it through, but my therapist says it is strange that the close-calls have come up out of the blue. But that's a whole other story, because he also says that some issues we have been talking about in therapy could be contributing to the anxiety.

The difference with the other night is that it didn't feel like panic initially. I have felt emotionally and physically numb for a long time, and after reading a lot of the posts on here, it probably had a lot to do with the adderall use. This is why I am bringing it up with you guys, to see if anyone else has had the same overwhelming experience.

It was so strong that my first gut reaction was to take a xanax or drink something, but then I caught myself and realized that would be specifically trying to numb myself. I told myself that if it was indeed a panic attack, I was safe at home and could work through it. The "attack" didn't happen: it really was just super-heightened senses. I cried and didn't know why.

And when it started to go away, I tried like hell to keep the feeling around. After about 10 solid minutes, it started to fade. It was totally gone within like 30 min.

What has hung on, however, was a different thought process. It hit me that I cannot stay in my relationship much longer. The idea of wanting to leave is not a new one, but it was something that I was kind of putting out my mind. Now I can't stop thinking about it. I'm not doing anything about it yet because I need to make sure that I'm not just freaking out in my head.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar?

Michelle

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Michelle,

How long have you been clean? And how much were you abusing?

The feeling of being numb while on adderall is really common. I haven't personally experienced the "coming in to my own body" like you have since quitting, but I do feel more like myself, if that makes sense. Ashley once said on this forum, which was very wise, that during recovery, your body is going to start "allowing" you to experience emotions that you haven't felt for a long time... empathy, sadness, connections with people... these feelings are strong and may catch you by surprise because you haven't felt them for so long.

Also I am no expert on amphetamine psychosis - I learned about it from this forum - but I wonder if that has something to do with your experiences... it can last longer than your amphetamine use/abuse.

[goodgirl804]

Thanks for replying to my post. I know it sounds kinda crazy, and I'm a therapist! Go figure.....

Anyway, I have been clean since November 11, so I guess about 5 weeks. I never took more than like 100 mg a day, which wasn't much more than I was prescribed. But I took it for 6 years. After about 4 years it stopped really doing anything positive (in terms of concentration, etc), and all I had was side effects. I tried tapering my dose but I couldn't. I really felt dependent upon it.

And about amphetamine-induced psychosis....I think I was actually experiencing it while I was still taking the adderall. I frequently felt like people were talking about me or kind of "out to get" me." I was super paranoid at home, where I would close all the blinds and get really scared if I heard footsteps outside which most likely belonged to my neighbors (we live in a condo so you can hear everything). I felt really cracked out.

I now feel like the experience that I had over the weekend was actually a positive. Like you said, emotions that I hadn't experienced in a long time and that took me by surprise. I really want to feel connected to my body again. I've been trying to get that feeling back, but it is elusive. But I know it can happen, because I had a peek of it. I'm starting back at Bikram yoga this weekend (after like 2 years of nothing) to see if I can help work towards that mind-body connection.

Thanks for responding ; )

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

I think the only time I remember NOT feeling connected to my own body was when I was in college and was drinking, smoking weed and inhaling nitrous oxide. But that was more like a hallucination I think

Congrats on getting through 5 weeks! It sounds like you and I may have had similar experiences... I was on the same amount as you (and YES THAT IS A HELLA adderall for a woman (assuming you are one)); and I gave up about 8 weeks ago. It gets better! I was very scared of how foggy I felt in the first few weeks (when I fist started posting here), scared of my emotions and whether to trust them, I went through really deep depression and I haven't said it on this board before but I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation for a few days, about 3 weeks in.

Try the supplements recommended on here, they really help; and I have heard Bikram yoga really helps too... I'm not a big yoga person as I like to listen to music when I exercise, but anything that makes you sweat and stretch and use your body will probably get you one step closer to "feeling in it"!

Let us know how you get on...