goodgirl804

Thanks for replying to my post. I know it sounds kinda crazy, and I'm a therapist! Go figure..... Anyway, I have been clean since November 11, so I guess about 5 weeks. I never took more than like 100 mg a day, which wasn't much more than I was prescribed. But I took it for 6 years. After about 4 years it stopped really doing anything positive (in terms of concentration, etc), and all I had was side effects. I tried tapering my dose but I couldn't. I really felt dependent upon it. And about amphetamine-induced psychosis....I think I was actually experiencing it while I was still taking the adderall. I frequently felt like people were talking about me or kind of "out to get" me." I was super paranoid at home, where I would close all the blinds and get really scared if I heard footsteps outside which most likely belonged to my neighbors (we live in a condo so you can hear everything). I felt really cracked out. I now feel like the experience that I had over the weekend was actually a positive. Like you said, emotions that I hadn't experienced in a long time and that took me by surprise. I really want to feel connected to my body again. I've been trying to get that feeling back, but it is elusive. But I know it can happen, because I had a peek of it. I'm starting back at Bikram yoga this weekend (after like 2 years of nothing) to see if I can help work towards that mind-body connection. Thanks for responding ; )

Me either. But I think it's just nice to know there is someone around, close by, in case you do have the energy one day!

Hi guys, Has anyone experienced any weird things since quitting? I know that sounds very broad but my experience is very hard to explain. Anyone feel anything like a change in consciousness? Increased sense of touch? Feeling hyper alert? Any big changes in thought processes? When I was in the shower 2 nights ago, I all of a sudden had the sensation of "coming back into my body." When I say that, it's because after experiencing THAT feeling, it made me realize that I had not felt I was actually "in" my body for a really, really long time. I could really feel the water on my face. The skin on the rest of my body actually had sensation. I felt like every sense was heightened x100. It was so overwhelming that I thought I was starting to have a panic attack or seizure or something. It started as very positive but then quickly became almost too much. For the past few weeks, I have been coming close to having panic attacks when I am driving home on the freeway. It happens almost every day. Each time I take a xanax and I make it through, but my therapist says it is strange that the close-calls have come up out of the blue. But that's a whole other story, because he also says that some issues we have been talking about in therapy could be contributing to the anxiety. The difference with the other night is that it didn't feel like panic initially. I have felt emotionally and physically numb for a long time, and after reading a lot of the posts on here, it probably had a lot to do with the adderall use. This is why I am bringing it up with you guys, to see if anyone else has had the same overwhelming experience. It was so strong that my first gut reaction was to take a xanax or drink something, but then I caught myself and realized that would be specifically trying to numb myself. I told myself that if it was indeed a panic attack, I was safe at home and could work through it. The "attack" didn't happen: it really was just super-heightened senses. I cried and didn't know why. And when it started to go away, I tried like hell to keep the feeling around. After about 10 solid minutes, it started to fade. It was totally gone within like 30 min. What has hung on, however, was a different thought process. It hit me that I cannot stay in my relationship much longer. The idea of wanting to leave is not a new one, but it was something that I was kind of putting out my mind. Now I can't stop thinking about it. I'm not doing anything about it yet because I need to make sure that I'm not just freaking out in my head. Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Michelle

Hi there, Just wanted to share that this happened to me as well. I stopped taking my pills after a surgery I had because I knew I was gonna be out of it for a few days and sleep most of the time. On the fourth day, I needed to do some work stuff and couldn't focus, so I gave in and took 20 mg. Not only did it NOT help me get my attention straight or get motivated or anything, I felt like absolute sh** after an hour or so. I took the time to really take notice of how bad I felt and how it wasn't worth it. I haven't taken any since, and that was 5 weeks ago. Try to use your experience as a reminder, any time you feel the temptation to take some. Remember how much it DIDN'T help anything, and how it actually made you feel worse. I think that my "slip-up" is actually the thing that has helped me the most with being able to refrain from taking any more. Congratulations on this progress! Michelle

Just wanted to say really quickly that I read all of the posts about supplements and have tried several. The L-Tyrosine and Omega 3's have really helped, and I can tell the difference when I have not taken them. Michelle

I flushed my pills 2 1/2 weeks ago! I can't believe I was actually able to do it. I'm waiting for the withdrawals to set in. Most posts that I have read indicate that it seems the worst withdrawal symptoms start around weeks 2-3. So I'm waiting.... I had my shrink up my dose of Wellbutrin, which itself helps with keeping your energy up and being able to concentrate. It seems to be helping. The biggest thing that I've noticed is that I REALLY don't miss the COMEDOWN. During those periods, I hated everyone around me and loathed myself even more. I would get super anxious, yet depressed at the same time, and feel hopeless that my life will ever get any better (in any area). Now I feel a lot more calm. I'd had a few bouts of amphetamine-induced psychosis, and that is gone too. A plus is that I can actually taste food no! Not good for my weight though ; )

I'm in OC....

Just a quick update, and I will write more later.... I had a surgery that made me go off the adderall for 5 days. i intended not to take any more, but I took one at a conference for work. All it did was make me jittery and nervous. When that part wore off, I felt like shit and SWORE I would never take it again. It took me 2 more days to do it, but....I FINALLY FLUSHED IT!!!!!

In June, I ran out of Adderall because I had been taking too much. I had just spent the prior 3 months pretty much cracked out all the time. I had started a new job and needed energy, focus, etc, plus I’m in a part-time doctoral program, so I need it to focus and to get anything done. But I also got to the point where I would get home from work, go straight upstairs to the office, and read/write for class until it was time to go to bed. At which point I had to take something to be able to sleep. I wanted nothing to do with anything social, or anything at all. So I ran out because I was taking like 80 mg instead of my prescribed 40 per day. I tried to get my script refilled but couldn’t get past the nurses at my dr’s office. So I had 3 or 4 pills left for a month. I cut them into smaller and smaller pieces. I was really anxious about what was going to happen with my job and school. I think I did start withdrawing, even though I wasn’t totally off of it (still taking rationed slivers of pills). My body felt like a ton of bricks and I had less than zero motivation. I thought there was no way I could do it. But there were actually some good parts too. I was able to breathe again (I would forget before). I felt more “in†my body. I could sit and look at trees or flowers and actually appreciate them, maybe even feel sort of “in touch with nature†(very cliché, I know). There were some other positives, but I could write about that for an hour. I had told my fiancé and best friend/roommate that I realized I had a problem with the Adderall. I told them I was going to quit, that I was going to tell the dr not to give it to me again. And I believed that. I read this whole site, researched some on my own, got a bunch of supplements, etc. I did find it weird though, that my fiancé and bf didn’t seem to concerned. At times I even felt like they didn’t believe that I had a problem. Then my appointment came around. Somehow I rationalized to myself that I COULD take the Adderall with restraint, only take as needed, only while I was at work or doing schoolwork/not on weekends or days off. And then I would wean myself off. So I got my regular prescription. Pretty quickly, I was back to taking it up to 40 mg. I know, not much in comparison to others, but it had been up to like 100/120. My point was that I didn’t want to take what I had been taking for so long. I wanted to wean off. Now, here I am, realizing that I am dependent on it again. I can’t get started in the morning without it. I lose focus quickly at work when it starts to wear off. I take even more when I have a really busy day to get through, telling myself that I won’t take it once I get caught up. But I probably will. Lately, I’ve been thinking about flushing it. But I’m afraid for obvious reasons: I could lose my job, or at least fail in my somewhat new supervisory role. I could fail out of classes because I can’t get the work done. I might just curl up into a ball on the couch and never leave my house again. If I had a week or two vacation or something, I might be able to do it. I would LOVE to have time to take off to go to a 28-day program. But I don’t have it. So my latest rationalization is that I will just take it through the end of the school semester (beginning of November for me). THEN I will taper off. Maybe even flush it. But all the negatives came back with it too, and I hate the idea of living another 2 months with the depression/irritability/lack of interest in LIFE that I experience with the come-down. Any thoughts?

Orange County, CA I'm in Newport Beach

Hi sheswithme, I can't really tell you whether you should flush it or not, but I want you to know that I'm listening. You flushed it before, said it was bad for 2 days but got better.... and your dj gig festival isn't til after the weekend, right? So technically if you flushed them today, you would probably be fine, right? Not saying you should or shouldn't, just trying to get a better picture of whats going on. If it were me, I might be able to flush them, but then the anger/rage/anxiety I would feel afterwards would eat me alive. I might be assuming that "dj"= "electronic music," but if I'm right, I have some dj friends that will drink red bull (and sometimes mix a little vodka) when they are spinning shows, especially at festivals. Is that an option for you? It wouldn't be adderall, but similar, less harmful, etc I know what you mean about aging yourself. I found myself saying that as soon as I turned 30, I started looking old, getting wrinkles, dry skin, etc... only recently did I put 2+2 together: that's the same time period that I've been abusing adderall. I've researched a lot and it seems that when you stop using adderall (and start eating more healthy, becoming more hydrated), it can actually reverse the effects of aging it sounds like you've been experiencing. And those lists you're talking about? I got to the point where I was making lists for everything, even making lists of my lists. I spent SO MUCH time PLANNING how I was going to do things that I never actually got around to DOING any of them. To flush or not to flush? Only you can make that choice. But from what you write, it sounds like you have a good bit of insight into your problem with adderall. Where are you on the "ready to quit" continuum? How long have you been able to go without adderrall prior to now (like when you flushed your pills last time)? I did not flush mine. I still have 2 or 3 left. I've been weaning myself off for a week, down to about 5 mg from 60-80. It's hard, but I feel SO much better and I know that when these are gone, I am DONE! I may not have great advice because I'm really new on here, but feel free to message me if you would like. We all need supper through this. M

Hi Leroy, I don't have much to offer in terms of advice or anything because I am really new here, only off Adderall for 2 days now. But I really identified with your post, so I wanted to reply. You mentioned you were a recent 40-mg user. I was prescribed 40 and recently went to 60 and sometimes 80 because I was trying to get work done for my doctoral program. With the 40, I felt like the focus didn't last long enough, so I made excuses for why I should take more. I was taking more than I was prescribed, which naturally led to me running out. Well, almost...I still have 4 20mg's that I'm going to cut into 5's and try to wean myself off. How difficult was it to go from the 40 to the 10? After recently realizing that I was an addict, I felt it might be best to go cold-turkey. The past 2 days with none have been pretty shitty. Mostly my body feels tired, my head is cloudy, and I have zero motivation or concentration. I have to go back to my therapist job tomorrow, having recently been promoted to a team leader, and I guess I have to try to have energy and be focused and quick-thinking, etc, etc... There is no way I'm going to be able to pull it off.. So..I will probably do a "quick wean," trying to stretch 80 mg over the next 2 weeks. From what I've read on these posts, it is less traumatic to wean than to go cold-turkey. You mentioned a change in your breathing patterns... Over the last few months, I noticed that my breathing patterns were actually pretty bizarre: fast and shallow, OR kind of "forgetting" to breathe for a little while. As I have been breathing normally yesterday and today, I have also felt that I have been more "in my body." A couple instances where I thought I got a glimpse of the "me" that used to be. Do you work? I'm asking because I'm really afraid of how my sudden loss of confidence, creativity, and motivation is going to affect my job. I'm scared to go. What did you do to get through it? Thanks - M