Debra77 Posted December 29, 2012 Report Share Posted December 29, 2012 This is like my 11th day or so without adderall after 5 years of daily use. All I have done is stayed in bed for the most part. I do have a few sparks of energy by not much. I have gained at least 11 or more pounds. Ravenous hunger. I'm going to watch what I eat from now on though. No more midnight snacking. My son told me today I need to be back on my medication because he said I'm so quick to to anger and have been cursing like a sailor. I had a short fuse while I was taking adderall. I can't go back to that stuff. The crash was something I just couldn't handle anymore and the appetite loss while taking it. I was depriving my body of nutrients it needed for many years. I was very unhealthy. I feel like my bed is the only place I want to be but don't want to be there at the same time. It is so very weird. I'm worried about how I'm going to function in life. Before bed I take 4 10mg Xanax and 2 10 mg Ambiens. That can't be good!!!!!! I feel like one day I'm not going to wake up. The sad thing is the Xanax and Ambien do nothing for me anymore because I've been on them for so long that I have built up a tolerance. About a year ago I didn't take my Xanax for 2 days and let me tell you, those were 2 of the worst days of my life. I was hallicinating, I couldn't sleep, I was incredibly paranoid, I was shaking uncontrollably, crying like crazy. I thought this was the end. My doctor never once told me how addicting Xanax and Adderall are. If she would've I wouldn't have taken them. I wonder if I have permanent damage from all these meds. I mean they do mess with your brain chemistry. I just want to laugh and be happy again. Now I feel like a fat slob from gaining weight and keep thinking that If I take the adderall for 2 days and don't eat I will lose a couple pounds. Oh what has become of me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted December 29, 2012 Report Share Posted December 29, 2012 Hay baby its 1am in Chicago jest got home no more 48 hour no sleep weekends for me that’s over with look up my post on WY I quit adderall you will know me better .Any how I have Reid your post and I say holly fuck that’s a lot of xanax your taking .I no the shit stops working on you after long term use I Ben in the place your at now my heart goes out to you. I wish I can take away some of your pain. You went 11 days without adderall that alone is an accomplishment congratulations baby. Keep up the great work you have don it by not taking adderall for 11 days you may have about 4 days left on your crash landing your almost there baby hang in there and keep up your great willpower regarding adderall. As fair as your benso use I found it much harder to quit .As you know you need to taper down you can not go cold turkey like you can with adderall. One step at a time your off of adderall you will feel better in a few days trust me Iv Ben exactly where you are now in your own little hell hole right at the bottom with no way out butt up I hear your cry out for help and I wish I can be there to give you a big hug. I know you need it right now don’t try to quit your bensos right now its the wrong time wait to you get thru your crash landing and recovery from adderall .I know it will heart butt you do need to start stepping down from the bensos very soon but not now the shit is nasty in my experience with the bensos your right on it don’t mater how much you take the shit jest stops working on you and your tolerance gets higher and higher any how if you need to talk us the message bored on my profile page it sounds like you need some reinsurance that you will get thru the hell your going thru right now, my heart is with you don’t give up the fight your almost home from your crash landing from adderall is fair as bensos we can talk about it later may god be with you to get you thru this shit. your our members will be there for you your friend FALCON Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debra77 Posted December 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2012 Thanks Falcon. Your are 10 kinds of awesome. This crap has ruined over 5 years of my life. I'm scared I may have permanent damage from the high doses of amphetamines and xanax for all these years. My doctor who is a pyschiatrist actually told me I am done and that I need to file for disability and that she would fill out the paperwork and I would get it would no problem. Who tells a 43 yr old that she is done and to throw in the towel. The words have stayed in my head since she said them and I have made some pretty quick and dumb decisions because of it because I always felt I had disability to fall back on. I can't live on disability, it doesn't pay enough and for heavens sake I'm not disabled but sometimes I try to convince myself that I am because of those stupid words the doctor spoke. I want to feel energetic, happy, be in a meaningful relationship, and just live life to the fullest because tomorrow isn't promised. oneday my oldest brother stole one of my 10 mg xanax and no joke he was so messed up and I take 4 and they do absolutely nothing to me except poison my body further. Debra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted December 29, 2012 Report Share Posted December 29, 2012 hey Debra, how many times have you heard/seen stories of folks told they'd never walk again, never talk again, etc... and they surmount the odds and run triathlons and ski and whatnot? you stated what you want, achieve that, not the doctors prognosis- use that as fire and flame to kick it and reverse the "damage done", research how to heal yourself and your brain- fuck an a people have overcome much worse, use it to say to yourself and the world, "no fucking way am I throwing in the towel and going on SSI" and do what you gotta do to be who you want to be... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted December 29, 2012 Report Share Posted December 29, 2012 Hey bebra in away you have a disability you can not function normally in every day tasks. I was in the same bout your in now believe me baby I know exactly where your at and the poison is jest getting deeper into your system your shrink jest made a suggestion to you that’s all it was .My shrink told me the same shit 1 year ago is far as permanent brain damage you and I may have damaged our brains yes I concur with you butt only time will tell how much damage we have made. I also think about it my self butt listen up her your brain is an remarkable organ it can heal it self from trauma and in our cases drug abuse we may not be the same as we where back in the day jest maybe different and we can adjust to the new you and me its like learning how to walk again after a stroke or something like that . Disability you may consider it lintel you heal you got a long way to go for recovery . Disability does not mean you cant work it jest means you cant function normally for a full time job. Your goal right now is to heal your self I believe you will never take adderall again in your life butt it will take a year to recover completely I am worried about your benso use you will need to step down soon you will need to make your mind up to step down from the shit its not working on you any more the effect of the drug is gone it will not return your benso days are over with there is no more you can do butt step down you can not go any higher on your does of bensos any higher you will OD .It took me 11 mounts to step down and quit using bensos .025 mil every two weeks so do the math it will take you some time also and most impotently you need to have patients its a fucken nasty ass drug. I have one quition for you how is your shrink giving you these outrages amounts of xanax it is UN ethical I never heard of any one doing 40 milligrams of bensos a day you should be dead by now I also think you need to go to a new shrink that specializes with drug addiction I think you will need professional help steeping down how are you getting all these pills please be honest with me I do not judge. Your friend FALCON Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted December 30, 2012 Report Share Posted December 30, 2012 I know of two things that can actually result in death as far as do it yourself withdrawal....alcohol and benzos!!!!! Others may feel like death...but those two, either/or can indeed result in that. Please seek medical advise, there are great clinics if you don't have insurance...but even an e.r can get you with who u need to work with...and fuck the bill....don't attempt benzos without help. You are dually addicted and that's very common in every small or big town u.s.a....get the right path mapped out and start on it slowly with a professional to guide you. You will be fine and the light will get brighter at the end of the tunnel Debra. I PROMISE!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted December 30, 2012 Report Share Posted December 30, 2012 I read a great quote the other day: "whether a man [sic] thinks he can or cannot, he is right". Hang in there. Moment by moment. Hour by hour. Day by day. Believe you can. You will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kori Posted October 29, 2013 Report Share Posted October 29, 2013 I didn't even know they made xanax in 10mg doses...that's so much...glad you seem like you got some help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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