Heather67 Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Grrrrrrr!!!! Its 9:30 and I'm feeling a whole lotta.."for real,,another day of nothing" my drive to do even things around the house has been non exsistent for over a week or so now. Yoga pants( the ones I slept in)and hoodies are my signature attire. Back and fourth between the kitchen and the couch. A kid in p.J's and one sock?????LOL. I'd say not much structure...but this scenario has been pretty consistent lately. Even if my friend Keri comes by...she's in the same doldrums But has no speed issues...though I did share a good many with her back in the not so long ago day. I could really go for smoking a big fatty right about now ....and I tend to think...oh if getting a paper script could do anything for me...I'm thinkin I could be throwing it all away. And if I knew I had any around(which I don't)..I'm thinking I may be moving mountains to get at em. But thinking and doing are two different things... I have been removed from access to adderall...so.it is what it is. It is just so fuckin mundane ...each day is a carbon copy of the ones before it. Its not sober thinking to be wanting to induce something in myself..or enhance it via a substance. Like yeah...I do really want to start a party up in here!!!! Wtf ...I'm such a wahhhh,wahhh!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 It must be going around....... Oh the doldrums......you're not alone!! damn I mean its 100% for the better but it totally sucks to get cut off and try to f*ing function at the same capacity as before..... I kinda just wanna start a party too Heather!! Or, I want to press RESTART on today. And also RESTART on my life so I could go back and NEVER EVER have touched that horrible drug!!! I WANT MY MIND BACK!!!!!! Will it ever come back? I feel like such a fraud and a failure. Well, OK.... I guess there's nothing to do but start a party...a speed-free party since we have no other choice....... right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Grrrrrrr!!!! Its 9:30 and I'm feeling a whole lotta.."for real,,another day of nothing" my drive to do even things around the house has been non exsistent for over a week or so now. Yoga pants( the ones I slept in)and hoodies are my signature attire. Back and fourth between the kitchen and the couch. A kid in p.J's and one sock?????LOL. I'd say not much structure...but this scenario has been pretty consistent lately. Even if my friend Keri comes by...she's in the same doldrums But has no speed issues...though I did share a good many with her back in the not so long ago day. I could really go for smoking a big fatty right about now ....and I tend to think...oh if getting a paper script could do anything for me...I'm thinkin I could be throwing it all away. And if I knew I had any around(which I don't)..I'm thinking I may be moving mountains to get at em. But thinking and doing are two different things... I have been removed from access to adderall...so.it is what it is. It is just so fuckin mundane ...each day is a carbon copy of the ones before it. Its not sober thinking to be wanting to induce something in myself..or enhance it via a substance. Like yeah...I do really want to start a party up in here!!!! Wtf ...I'm such a wahhhh,wahhh!! I hear you girl!!! I know i am not nearly as far along as you are, but i have been literally KICKIN myself all day for throwing out the pills. I am SO angry. I feel so lazy. Tired, but can't sleep. Numb. I feel nothing except, 'i wanna get more pills!!!!' but like you, i too have no way of getting them. I suppose that is good. But i am so insanely pissed. Hope it gets better for us both ASAP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Blechhhhh, doldrums going around for sure... like cholera through a shanty town. Bigups to rockin' the slept-in yoga pants, that's me today too as I kick off my first day of newly unemployed suckass, ehhh-- sooner or later the universe will stop shitting on us Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ashley6 Posted January 31, 2013 Popular Post Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Use everything in you to stop that line of thinking. It's dangerous. One thing about addicts is we are incredibly creative in finding ways to feed our addiction. You're romanticizing adderall, and quite frankly you're not going to solve your problems with the thing that created them in the first place. I HAD to stop myself from feeding those thoughts, and I still do 10 months later, because it's only going to lead to...adderall is all that I need to be happy. Addiction can suck it. Hang in there, ladies. I understand it's rough, but you're doing this thing! Keep it up. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Use everything in you to stop that line of thinking. It's dangerous. One thing about addicts is we are incredibly creative in finding ways to feed our addiction. You're romanticizing adderall, and quite frankly you're not going to solve your problems with the thing that created them in the first place. I HAD to stop myself from feeding those thoughts, and I still do 10 months later, because it's only going to lead to...adderall is all that I need to be happy. Addiction can suck it. Hang in there, ladies. I understand it's rough, but you're doing this thing! Keep it up. SO TRUE!! It's ok to sit in the shit and mope for a bit, we all have those days, but eventually we have to make things good again. I mean, some days we just wake up feeling like shit, and it's going to be a shitty day no matter what, but we can't want to stay like that, we do have to do things no matter how little we feel like doing them, to climb out of the cesspool of our own shit and clean off and get crackin on a new and better tomorrow. things will look up, hang tough, allow yourself to have a bad day or three, things will get better. and then they'll suck again, and then they'll get better, etc etc etc but that's life for everyone, not just us, not just PAWS, that's life. we just gotta learn to deal better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 OMG how perfect did that thread roll....everyone's all insanely pissed,damn it adderall why'd u have to.do me that way!!!! Wahhhh,waaahhh...ducking the cholera in the shanty town(too funny)and wowzy,wowzy woo woo are we lazy dwarfs....and BAMMMMM,IN STEPS OUR VOICE OF REASON,ONE MISS ASHLEY!!!! who so sweetly told us, what the fuck already...cut the shit ladies and lets pull up our big girl, slept in,yoga pants and get on.with the day. Don't start believing your own twisted bullshit again.Now drop and give me 50 ...bitches!!!! Tru dat girl!!! We're quite a handful at times huh???? I know my day just got a little bit better just laughing hysterically reading these posts...I think ill try and go clean even one thing!!!! LOL ....love you girls!!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Not to sound like Polly Anna (as if..) but honestly, to be "okay" with feeling "not okay" for a time, knowing it's gonna pass no matter what, I think that can carry you through. I mean, I'm not saying to wallow in misery. If the room is too hot open a window,. But it's an unavoidable fact of life that it can and does suck... My "goal" is to accept that sometimes I have to feel like utter caca and still be "okay" I don't have to "fix" it right away, especially when it's really a matter of allowing time to do it's thing. Always trying to "force" myself to avoid uncomfortable or unpleasant feelings/experiences was a lot of what got me hooked on adderall- how does that saying go "you can either try to cover the whole earth with carpet or you can just put on a pair of sandals" .... (and accept that sometimes you'll still get shit on your sandals) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Although I do like the idea of "drop and do 50" -- 1.....2....3... ooooooohhh, ouch.. I think I just broke something LOL Aw, seriously... you all are awesome 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Not to sound like Polly Anna (as if..) but honestly, to be "okay" with feeling "not okay" for a time, knowing it's gonna pass no matter what, I think that can carry you through. I mean, I'm not saying to wallow in misery. If the room is too hot open a window,. But it's an unavoidable fact of life that it can and does suck... My "goal" is to accept that sometimes I have to feel like utter caca and still be "okay" I don't have to "fix" it right away, especially when it's really a matter of allowing time to do it's thing. Always trying to "force" myself to avoid uncomfortable or unpleasant feelings/experiences was a lot of what got me hooked on adderall- how does that saying go "you can either try to cover the whole earth with carpet or you can just put on a pair of sandals" .... (and accept that sometimes you'll still get shit on your sandals) You're absolutely right, accepting and acknowledging that some days are just plain shitty is not bad in itself. In fact, I think it's pretty healthy thinking, because it makes you appreciate the good days, and remember that the bad ones do pass. The difference between that and "I just want adderall" is important. Putting adderall on a pedestal it doesn't deserve is my point. It's like getting out of a super unhealthy relationship, but only remembering the good times. "Yeah, he was abusive and cheated on me, but he could be so sweet when he wasn't doing those things." Adderall can be so manipulative in our thinking in that way. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Oh, you're absolutely 100% correct about the danger of romanticizing adderall. Weird experience I had just this afternoon.. While cleaning, I found in the "linen cabinet/junk closet" a (totally empty) prescription bottle and seeing it gave this very brief flash of "oooo,yeah" but it was quickly followed by this nauseating anxious feeling, almost panicky aversion- not like fantasizing relapse, but I don't know it was just a bad feeling and I wasn't expecting it... sort of this attraction/repulsion thing. Weird mind associations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 SO TRUE!! It's ok to sit in the shit and mope for a bit, we all have those days, but eventually we have to make things good again. I mean, some days we just wake up feeling like shit, and it's going to be a shitty day no matter what, but we can't want to stay like that, we do have to do things no matter how little we feel like doing them, to climb out of the cesspool of our own shit and clean off and get crackin on a new and better tomorrow. things will look up, hang tough, allow yourself to have a bad day or three, things will get better. and then they'll suck again, and then they'll get better, etc etc etc but that's life for everyone, not just us, not just PAWS, that's life. we just gotta learn to deal better. Yeah "we do have to do things no matter how little we feel like doing them" this sentence holds very true for me. I find that in the past when i ran out of pills for a week or so i couldn't just laze about and wallow in the self pity. That only made shit worse. And today being day 4 and all, i figure i pretty much have done just about as much sleeping and eating as i should be allowed. Getting dressed and cleaning the kitchen today was not fun, but it did help make me feel less unproductive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAM Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 One of my New Year's resolutions was to do yoga as often as I wear yoga pants, even if it's just a little bit. I've found this to be a very helpful and rewarding motivator:) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted February 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 I'm all about the yoga pants...still in em,just a different pair!!!! Went to the grocery store and today is a bit better of a day...wont lie,still feeling a bit sloth like and I haven't gotten to talk to my husband due to funding the calls at the moment and that's not helping,we have a lot to start resolving,I'm doing so much on my own that I wouldn't have signed up for...but oh well...it is what it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 I'm all about the yoga pants...still in em,just a different pair!!!! Went to the grocery store and today is a bit better of a day...wont lie,still feeling a bit sloth like and I haven't gotten to talk to my husband due to funding the calls at the moment and that's not helping,we have a lot to start resolving,I'm doing so much on my own that I wouldn't have signed up for...but oh well...it is what it is. One step at a time my love. One step at a time. I am about to get back into my 'yoga pants' or spandex as i call them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted February 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Right girl huh. Yoga pants makes it sound like I do something cool and eclectic in em......yeah, no!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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