The Legatus Posted February 2, 2013 Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 Today has been a extremely rough day for me. I am worried about being dropped from 2 classes I need to graduate and I'm in my last semester. I however do not question my judgement in quitting adderrall. My girlfriend and I are fighting alot, I think the only thing holding us together was the adderrall. I feel nothing anymore I feel for her sometimes. I want to leave, but I don't want too. Something holds me saying I need her, and that I want to be with her. My brain swirls with emotions yet it stands still. Unable to clarify leaving me void of any emotion, when it decides to choose an emotion it ends up being primal rage. I'm like a train laying my own tracks ahead of me and I fear i'm running out of tracks. After having quit chewing for 2.5 years I have found myself returning to it with a vengance going through a tin a day. With no way of slowing down, I found out that the school I am currently going to for firefighting is publicly mocked in my state for a shitty standard of education. Now i'm afraid I will have to switch to a different career path. To be honest I'm scared of where i'm going, what i'm doing, what to do. I turn to god and he hears me but I still feel like i'm in the deepest darkest pit of despair. I Have put myself into my own personal pit of despair and rage. Please help me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted February 2, 2013 Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 Ahhhh,dude. Its hard,this is hard...life is fuckin hard. And I really do know that place your in...I was there in my own when my husband ran with heroin and then was sentenced to a decent amount of time...everywhere I looked...everything I felt...was off,or just felt like evil. I was using then...and it didn't help any. Its hard to only be able to deliver words when someone feels as overwhelmed as you.do...not like I can rush your door and say"k..k..dude lets get up and out of this mental swill pit and go grab some lunch ..goof on some funny shit and try to get a little light on all this" .and I'm sad that you're going through so many things at once...some you can change ...some maybe you can't ...but we are stronger than we know..and a good guide is what is best for you????? Relationships are complicated and I don't know details of yours...but if you think its time for a change there, then maybe it is. People break up everyday ...and everyone will be fine...but that's your decision. The schooling, yeah that sucks...but hell you just found this out ..will everyone really ostrecize you for not knowing.???? Life has ebbs and tides,and cause and effect and reasons that we will see someday,just not today. It makes who we are....and often from the greatest of adversities ....people carry on to accomplished great things. I hope you can catch a breather dude...we're all here to try and help ya through. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted February 2, 2013 Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 It sounds like much of what's bothering you is "what if..."..."What if I get dropped from those classes, what if I have to change career tracks because of my's school's rep? what if I break up with my girl?" We all engage in worrying, but so many times what we worry about never even happens and if/when it does we simply find a way to get through it and usually it's not as horrible as we imagined. And even when it is as horrible as we imagined -- shit, we're still here to tell about it, right? It's hard to slow your mind down when it's carrying you off in projecting the worst case scenarios, but if there is anything you can do to solve a problem then there's no point in worrying about it.. if there's nothing you can do to solve a problem, then there's still no point in worrying about it because it won't help the situation. I used to think I was the wimpiest marshmallow and I feared everything that COULD happen in the future "what if.." ... but man, when the real shit hit the fan, when some of my big fears in life did actually happen (my 15yr marriage ended, my mom died, my kid was diagnosed with a life-long disability) I found out I was a LOT stronger than I ever knew and (unlike I feared) I got through it without falling to pieces... it was the fear of things happening that tortured me worse than anything. All you have is what's right in front of you right now in the present moment, and more often than not the actual moment we're in right now is more or less OK. Keep your mind focused there and if these things you worry about DO actually happen, you will know what to do-- you might imagine that you won't know how to handle it, but you will. You're much braver and stronger than you think. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted February 2, 2013 Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 Somedaydreamer, that's a really inspirational story. We are a lot stronger than we think, and you've just given a great example of that. I really like your post above, couldn't have said it any better. You're "wow-worthy". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomedayDreamer Posted February 3, 2013 Report Share Posted February 3, 2013 We are all "wow-worthy"... pats on the back all around 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted February 3, 2013 Report Share Posted February 3, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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