#Less

Thank you for all of the replies. These forums are the first topic specific forums that I have entered since I was prescribed my Adderall 40 days ago. My first stops were at ADHD forums, however, I never signed up to post. The esprit de corps over at the ADD/ADHD forums I visited were a little bit too much like pep-rally, “hey, we are kind of like comic book heroes, in that we each have our own unique super-powers of accelerated creativity and observation! Go Team ADHD!†T-shirts are for sale that have ADHD written in AC/DC font, complete with lightning bolt between the D and the H. Meanwhile, YouTube is full of wacky-zany videos trying to explain (apparently for the benefit of others), how creative, intuitive, spontaneous, and yes, a bit scattered, preoccupied, and unfocused they/we all are! I could not relate to most of it. They felt almost self congratulatory or ego stroking. I don’t know. But at this stage, I found it all rather annoying. Are you familiar with the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator, you know, the whole “I am an ENTP personality type!â€, of course you are, it’s been institutionalized. Well, the vibe of the ADHD forums I lurked in for a few days had much of the same flavor as the dedicated forums for specific personality types, “How ya’ll doing out there my ENFP peeps!â€â€¦yeah…no thanks. There wasn’t much there for me. My adult ADHD mutated into blinding relentless rage and misanthropic—damn near agoraphobic—tendencies; further exacerbated by combative, confrontational, dog-chasing-its-own-tail, negative feedback-loop thinking. Not the quirky, fun loving, life-of-the-party, absent minded professor ADHD. There must be some kind of public relations campaign problem or something, because the “life-of-the-party, hyper-expressive, can’t concentrate because I’m just so gosh darn eclectic and eccentric†model that is being presented to the general public [apparently] in order to help them understand the diagnosis, is only highlighting that style…not the road-rage flavored ADHD, less sexy I guess. Earth feels like Pink Floyd – The Wall …not Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Why am I here at your forums? Because I understand self-medicating, and addiction, and doing things to cope; and if I really want to know what I may be up against when trading my current problems for Adderall problems, then this is the door I wanted to knock on first. I don’t have time to screw around and play paddy-cake over at the ADHD pep rally; maybe I was at the wrong ADHD forums. Plus I had a hypothesis that I wanted some validation on confirming my notion that ADHD is a meat-and-taters biological brain-wiring thing, and not only a perception or personality type, and therefore Adderall (although dangerous for all) did different things with the ADD brain, such as being less susceptible to amphetamine psychosis, etc… Not gonna get that advise over at the ADHD forums, they embrace the meds, they talk about the Adderall lifestyle like it’s some kind of Martha Stewart talk show, “you know…when I am coming down off of my last 20mg XR for the day, I always find that a little slice of pumpkin pie with some chamomile tea, really helps me unwind and reflect.†I know I am being a bit hyperbolic, but you can’t bust up the vibe over there and start making threads about amphetamine induced psychosis. You make a thread over there titled, “Hi, I’m new. How many of you started hearing voices after a while?†and it will be as if you farted in the room. I have only been on Adderall (50-60mg/day) for 40 days, but I can already see some weird shit happening. Yes, of course it is helping me immensely now because I am fresh-meat and the new-me is making my family want to pick me up and crowd-surf on their raised hands; however, I decided to de-tox myself for a day and was amazed how utterly worthless I was. I thought without it I would just be my usual old cranky self, like before the pills; instead all I wanted to do was stare and drool. I did not want to do anything!…no grocery store, no chores…nothing. I couldn’t take it. I lasted until about 2pm and was like, “ok, this is weird, but I I will investigate this phenomena later, right now I have to get something done.†Down the hatch! 20 minutes later. “Well now! Hi Honey, give me that grocery list…I’m on it!†Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

I have joined this community because of its high quality content, straight-shot format and tone. I understand the mission of this website and have read and understood the terms and disclaimer of, “Adderall is appropriate for some people. This website is not for everybody…If you are deeply debilitated by severe ADD, you should ignore this entire website.†-Mike With that said, I am a not here because I am trying to quit, but because I am of those mentioned in the disclaimer category of "If you are deeply debilitated by severe ADD" However, I am still here to ask for your help because I am new to Adderall after having learned (last month) why I have been so dysfunctional my whole life (mid-40s). I feel relieved, my family is relieved, and am thankful for the meds at this time. However, now that I have performed my shot-gun wedding with Adderall, I can clearly see that there can be potentially serious consequences for accepting Adderall’s friendly and firm handshake. Down to business The intense testimonials here describing the depths of Adderall addiction, (from its Siren’s Song Honeymoon phase, to its chronic/grinding, life-force draining attributes) are unsettling; moreover, the accounts of amphetamine induced psychosis continuing for some, even after cessation, are nightmarish. However, what I am not seeing in any of the articles, stories, or comments (that I could find) is, what ever happened to the actual hardcore ADD after users have concluded that Adderall is ruining their life despite its helpfulness with the intense ADD? The fundamental quandary is, I cannot tell what % of the Adderallics testimonials are: 1) People like me that are suffering greatly from ADD, but after a long period of being thankful for the medication, are now wondering if they unknowingly jumped from the frying pan into the fire by accepting Adderall’s help. 2) People that never needed it, but secured a steady supply via prescription (or other), and were subsequently enslaved. This distinction means a lot to me, because I am trying to determine (as a user) if Adderall’s apparent hostile effects on the brain and mind are the same for the biological mechanics of the ADD brain, versus those who do not have an ADD brain, but instead needed/wanted Adderall for other reasons. I could not find a single relevant peer-reviewed article on Google Scholar pertaining to my question, using search variations of: results of mixed amphetamine salts efficacy with ADHD brain versus healthy brain? Or, does the ADHD brain have the same level of addiction potential, and probability of outcomes such as amphetamine induced psychosis as the healthy brain taking the same stimulant? Asked plainly, are there many examples of ADD sufferers (who really dislike the idea of going back to the world of ADD) yet are nevertheless running out of the burning Adderall building yelling, “This is even worse than the ADHD ever was! Get me the HELL OUT OF HERE!†For those members who were not ADD, but embraced, and became addicted to Adderall for your own reasons, and are now suffering and trying to quit; my heart sincerely admires you, and I am so sorry that you are suffering, and wish you the very best during your recovery process. Thank you members for allowing me ask my question in your forums.