I took adderall for the first time almost 7 years ago, and I knew instantly that it was going to be a problem. Right away I got a prescription for it, and I have been abusing it ever since. Everything bad that has ever happened to me is because of adderall; car accidents, debt, isolation, failed relationships, job loss, poor grades, etc. etc. etc. I am 25 years old now, graduated, and about to start my dream job that could really turn things around for me; get me where I want to be in life. This is an incredibly scary crossroad for me. I lost my first real job out of college because I couldn't get past my adderall addiction. I was a total crack head nut case. But I didn't care. I couldn't care. All the adderall I was taking made me so numb, and out of touch with things, that I couldn't even feel anything. Not even my own shame and embarrassment. Because if I did, I'd just pop another one. And another one. And then maybe a half of another one. I could never think straight, or remember. I couldn't function. Period. And it was because of adderall. I'd say to myself 'tomorrow will be better. I won't take as much. Just enough so it works'. But I could never just take a little. Ever. Even now.
In college, I missed way more classes than I ever went to because I was crashing all the time. I never maintained contact with the friends I made there because I was always loading up on ridiculous amounts of adderall and studying for the classes I missed...Before I knew it, months would have passed without checking in with old friends.
This is the first critical turning point in my life. If I am to keep this job, I will have to do what I have not been able to do in 7 years. Will this be my line? If not, I'm terrified to think what is? I feel like posting my experience will help me some how.
My job starts in 2 days... I'll be in touch.
