Heather67

Been a week...still freakin in my own skin it feels like!!!! Blaaahhh!!! I hate this..its soooo.vacant and empty feeling!!! Sucks....again and still.

And maybe its time to finally get around to picking up that Wellbutrin XR 100 mg script at the pharmacy ..it was called in about a month ago and was the last med on my mind at that time. LOL

Yup..indeed I did Ashley. Got a new number and it does suck my car strait died ..but that aids in ending the chase also. I CANT walk with a child to hook up with this person or return that item for $$$$. The hustle is impossible via hoofing it. Or atleast I decided it had to be for me. And our clothes are in the wash I have a towel on my head...not sure if the conditioners all out but A for effort! ! Lol

Thanks for the thoughts john. I have been down this road before and it is always confirmed that staying clean is easier than getting clean! !! And I have taken my own will back too many times now. Ill be happy if I get those 2 things done today. .hahaha ..they r my challenge.

Yup...and it sucks bad!! Gonna force myself to wash my hair soon ..and throw a load of laundry in..it's like 100 here too..that isn't helping.

So a doctor prescribed me Wellbutrin 100 xr. This was like 3 weeks ago..still haven't picked it up. I have not quit adderall entirely..much due to not feeling so down in a hole when I do...will this stuff help with any of that?? I've never been a fan of the build up in your system meds either...I want what they do...like NOW! !! LOL

I went to rehab..the real deal 30+.day inpatient kinda rehab specifically for adderall and adderall only back in 2006. Of course they accepted me..if you will,but the kick in the ass was NO DETOX!! Booze,opiates,benzos...even coke got you some meds to take the edge off...not adderall. Well ya know folks ...they aren't PHYSICALLY addictive!!! Yeah o.k..that'd explain why I slept my first week.through group,my skin crawled..I was beyond paranoid and anxiety gladden..everything ached and I ended up in an e.r with the worst migraine I've had to date...cause yup...all just psychological. Fuck if that were the case I would mentally put myself in a much better place. For real.

No disrespect to anyone on that either...the interested in everything I know sure as hell hits home with most of us...and we like to be interested in it all at once too. LOL

Hahaha ..in recovery. "If you consider being interested in everything a skill"..that was fucking hysterical dude. U made my night.

Confused ...its fucked up for sure huh? We will stay on something that's leveling us and we are the first to.admit it and tell.u how its doing it...but like yourself..I'm on it and 98% is because Im so afraid to jump.and handle that emptiness for awhile.

Wow. I always had alot to say on here when I frequented it more...now I'm kinda a lost mess really. Thanks for the post..I feel ya on.the emptiness of not having your husband...mine is in prison for 5 years and we have a son..I'm handling shit from the past..shit I'm in now..his shit inside..shit that's gonna happen..yeah its a shit ton of shit..and adderall has controlled me for alot of it. I can take alot of amphetamines ...a real lot..and I'm really not sure why??? I have had long runs more than once on ridiculous amounts..like 300+ mgs. A day...why I'm still alive I actually gotta wonder. You have found a great source of info and support in this community ..as I have..I am not back on the positive road yet..I've had decent time off it but this time the going thru the quit AGAIN...I don't know,its fucking with me this time. I am a mess just thinking about it....I love everyone who says.."well atleast adderall isn't physically addictive...".hahaha..maybe not but YOU try comin off it and we'll see how you make out..physically I mean. LOL so I agree..it is the devil and be addicted to it has me questioning my sanity daily.

Hey thanks you guys for reaffirming all that I know to be true and telling it like it is and respecting the falls that I seem to taking lately. Quit once ...I have felt that too..as u know at another point in my life. I did want it more than anything..and I put it before everything. Those are key...and honestly ,at this moment..tho I haven't used today...I can't say I'm feeling the way.I need to about recovery. I don't know if I'm under thinking my current situation..or over thinking it. With or without it..all seems manic and unstructured,depressing and lack luster....its almost like having to choose if I want this piece of shit or that one. Its hard to even explain my mind is so fuckin stressed....but I really appreciate the feed back from everyone.

Thanks lilitex. And yes it absolutely is. Well,besides cigarettes,and when.I'm not on these..I DONT care for smoking.much. just that thought of the deep depression and empty no feeling, feeling!!! I need to.get a job.and feel.I can't even.take that on.going off pills. These aren't reasons to keep using either...ive been down this road..I use or I don't reasons and excuses dont matter much. Adderall has a huge physical aspect to it's withdrawal and when I think about getting a job and going off it..I wanna throw up. Staying quit is the best route..starting over and over..not so great.

I was thinking about sitting down.and writing a letter to ummmm...don't really know ..someone I could honestly tell everything to. Tell them how much.time I waste and.how my head spins and how I can't even accomplish anything.on this bullshit I chase cuz I have to be on how I'm getting the next dose all the time. How exhausting it is..how by the 2nd day without it I can't fuckin cope with shit..I feel so absolutely bullshit I can't handle it. Do I know I need to stop...yup. do I want to...I'm really not sure. I mean I do...but I can't stand the thought of that feeling without it!!!! That's motivating alot of this. I am now the chronic relapsor and my past experiences I've spoke of mean shit now. I feel completely totally trapped!!! I don't know what I think or feel honestly...I'm too busy trying to keep up with my own shit..and that's failing. I don't know what to do anymore..or what I want..I'm so fucked up currently its not even.rational.

See...I'm all better now Ms. Leah...thanks. that was the most bullshit day I've had in awhile!"! The being off em.is still kinda sucking...not sure why,but yup...just trying to keep doing it...keep on trudging....try'n to get up that great big hill of hope...for a destination. LOL