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Cat

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Posts posted by Cat

  2. A few questions...

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Maybe it's just me, but I would have a hard time trusting a doctor who prescribes adderall. I know there are doctors out there who frown upon adderall, which pissed me off and made me feel judged while I was taking adderall, but now those are the doctors I trust more. However, if you live in a small town and don't have better options and won't be triggered by seeing him for something unrelated, like a physical, it's probably fine.

     

    To answer Amy's question: My doc basically cut me off - I was only seeing her to get adderall and ambien, and she told me she wanted to focus on other patients with psychiatric issues and that I should find a new doc who would prescribe me meds. (Before you go thinking she had good intentions about cutting me off, she sent me away with an illicit stash of 120 Vyvanse pills "to tide me over while I searched for a new doc.") It was good timing because I was ready to quit, and I'm glad the relationship was severed because during the first month I was sooo tempted to relapse that had it been as easy as calling my doc, I would have. 

  3. Absolutely terrified of quitting

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Stephanie, I know exactly what you mean about needing 80 mg of Vyvanse just to get out of bed and function normally. That was my life too before I quit. The concept of "functioning normally" also in no way meant being productive or happy - it meant doing the bare minimum to get through the day and then drinking a ton at night. I was on adderall/vyvanse for about 5 years and couldn't believe what my life had become. I have been clean of amphetamines for almost one year now and just want to say: QUITTING IS SO WORTH IT.

     

    You know from having quit once before that even though you feel tired and sluggish now, it will get worse once you quit, but after a couple months you'll emerge with real energy, feelings, and personality. 

     

    You can totally do it. Use this board for motivation and support. I second Justin's suggestion to join the 30 day challenge so you can relate to people in your stage of quitting. Eating healthy, juicing and exercising will also help a lot. Get after it!

    • Like 4

  8. I didn't start long ago, but I KNOW I need to stop

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Like Jon I was exhausted and stressed all day except the first few hours despite taking 60-120 mg Vyvanse every day. I couldn't function without a pill, yet my productivity was at an all-time low. I couldn't sleep without taking Ambien.  My stress and constant hyper-focusing on myself was hurting my relationship and friendships. I couldn't get through an evening without binging on wine to cope with the crash. I had a job interview and my only concern was getting the exact dosage of adderall right so I wouldn't come across as jittery and weird. Needless to say, the interview didn't go well. These were all the things I thought about during my final months of adderall/vyvanse before finally deciding to quit.

    • Like 1

  12. Random interesting thought

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    It's almost like everytime I quit and try and do things without adderall, knowing ok this is my life now, I still act as though everything is a product of adderall.  I never wake up with a clean slate or look and the mirror and identify myself as something other than an ex adderall user.  I'm not sure if it's self sabotage or what.  I spend more time wandering what other people are thinking and always feel like I'm wierd in certain ways.  Not enough that I can't go out and socialize somewhat, but there's always something on the inside that doesn't feel right. 

     

    I know what you mean. It's like that for at least the first four months if not longer. Even when you're enjoying yourself, in the back of your mind you're thinking about how things are different and comparing the experience with what you imagine it being like on adderall. But if you stick with quitting, it WILL get better. You will stop thinking about it all the time and your new reality will become THE reality. I've been clean 11 months now and only recently have I stopped identifying with and comparing my every experience with what I'd expect on adderall. I still think about adderall a lot, probably every day, but it now takes conscious effort: "I am going to stop what I'm doing and think about adderall/visit the forums now." If that makes sense.

    • Like 3

  14. Random interesting thought

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I spent a lot of time being busy but I really wasn't all that productive.  In fact, when I quit I realized I was not productive at all, so the doldrums of early recovery were easier to accept because I was actually getting a few things done even if it required a greater amount of effort.

     

    So true. 

  17. Having some minor setbacks mentally

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Clean time starts with the moment after you took your last pill.  I am sorry for your recent relapse. 

     

     

    Sorry but I disagree. I don't think it's fair to rob someone of four months of recovery time just because they took one adderall. If this one bender leads to refilling a prescription or buying a month's supply then it's safe to say one pill triggered a relapse, but it's not that black and white for everyone. I think that's up for whoisthisguy to decide.

    • Like 1
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    What have you accomplished without adderall?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Zerokewl: YES. Don't you love how the post-adderall brain is calibrated to live life like a normal person, rather than superman? 

     

    Jon: You of all people will not jinx your quit. You are one of the wisest and most grounded people on this forum and if I didn't know better I'd guess you had years under your belt rather than months. Quitting adderall is hard. Writing down this list of stuff does not make it any easier, but it sure does help put things in perspective. I challenge you to think of a couple things you're proud of accomplishing. 

     

    Lunax: You hit the 60 day challenge straight out of the park! So proud and happy to see you sticking around especially as your big day approaches :)

    • Like 5
    • Popular Post
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    What have you accomplished without adderall?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    This really isn't intended as a bragging post so hopefully it doesn't come off that way. I was just doing some reflecting on the past year and realized there is a lot that I'm proud of myself for accomplishing without adderall. I thought it would be cool to hear from you all about your achievements since quitting, and hopefully give some encouragement to those who are just starting the process of quitting to see just how far the awesome folks in this community have come.

     

    Here are my biggest accomplishments since quitting adderall/vyvanse on January 5, 2013:

    • Took a better job where I am pretty happy, making significantly more money, and getting fantastic benefits.
       
    • Also job related, learned how to work a full time job without adderall, gaining the skills and building up the motivation to succeed on my own, one hard earned step at a time.
       
    • Got engaged, planned a wedding in 6 months without adderall, and had the most amazing day of my life on my wedding day with friends and family, completely present and happy for every single second of it.
       
    • Started running and signed up for my first half marathon.
       
    • Quit ambien and am now prescription-pill free, which feels really liberating, to be able to go anywhere and not worry if your prescription will run out or if you've packed enough pills.
       
    • Learned how to live in the moment. 
       
    • Started reading books for pleasure again.
       
    • Cut my alcohol consumption significantly. Still love a glass of wine, but now it's a glass with dinner instead of a bottle drank in secret to cope with the crash.

    Your turn!

     

    • Like 8

  23. One Word Status Update

    in Lounge (off-topic stuff)

    Posted

    Eyeache, Just switched to a new computer monitor and this new one is so... glowy. It reminds me of when I was on adderall and couldn't sit facing the same direction as all my other coworkers in the room because the light from the window was too bright. My eyes were so sensitive on adderall.

  25. two withdrawals

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Hey Kori. I quit adderall and ambien at the same time. It was indeed a nightmare. I couldn't deal with the insomnia and wanted to focus on quitting adderall first so I went back on ambien for two more months. By that time I was through the adderall withdrawals and felt stable enough to quit ambien, and it was a lot easier the second time around, with occasional help from OTC sleep aids. 

    • Like 2
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