eaterofplanets

Frank, Thank you so so much for all of your advice. It's been a huge comfort. Sometimes the only comfort. I am going to look into finding some groups. You're so very right, I need a support system. People I can talk to and others to hold me accountable. Thanks for the timeline as well. It's so goddamn inspiring when you feel like there's no way this is ever going to end. Doctor appointment is Tuesday. I'm on day 6 without using. I guess it's appropriate to say that not-using, makes me completely useless. Ha

Annnnnddd....start the clock.

Frank, May i ask, how long did it take until you finally started feeling better? Right now my mindset is so fragile that I feel just completely hopeless. My constant fear is that it will NEVER end. The misery, the constant fatigue, and the dark negative thinking, etc., that is. Like how long was it until you started to notice any positive change, at all? I sincerely appreciate your replies. Thank you so very much.

I made an appointment. I'm so terrified. But I'm going to tell my doctor everything and basically cut off my supply. I'll keep you updated. ...if I have the energy, hahaha.

Thank you both for responding. It really means a lot. I would love to be able to go to rehab, but not only can I not afford it, I live alone and support myself, so I couldn't afford to take the time off. And that's another big issue in all of this. Whenever I try to quit, I'm absolutely WORTHLESS. I lay in bed all day in a dark room watching Netflix, eating crap, and sleeping on and off throughout the day. I literally can't do anything else. It's bad. So the intense withdrawals that would come with quitting altogether would definitely endanger my survival, since I have to keep working to pay bills and stuff. I just know that making it through one day of work without adderall would be absolutely agonizing. Let alone months. Does anyone have any suggestions for this predicament or have been in a similar situation and found an intelligent way to navigate through it? Any answer is worth more than gold to me right now.

I have been taking adderall consistently for about 12 years now. I've been abusing it for about 7. Like really ABUSING it. I weigh about 98 pounds, and I'll take anywhere from 80 to 120mgs a day. But here's where I differ from every story I've read in the forums: I'm also just as addicted to Xanax. I absolutely cannot go to sleep unless i pop about 4 bars at night. The Xanax addiction started about 7 years ago. The heavy Xanax abuse started about 6 years ago, and has grown rapidly ever since. IS THERE ANYONE WHO CAN RELATE TO THIS? Doesn't have to be as severe. I'm sure I'm in a league of my own with this rap sheet, I JUST NEED ADVICE SO BAD from someone who suffers with an addiction to both adderall AND Xanax. I've been trying to quit (and failing miserably) for about a month now. I swear swear swear from the bottom of my heart, it feels absolutely possibly im-fucking-possible to quit. Am I too far gone? I've been doing this so long, it seems like I'd be forced to hibernate for 5 years just to kick it. I'm sure my recovery and withdrawals will be exponentially more difficult because of the double addiction. Does anyone else suffer from this? What do i do? Where do I start? Is it even possible? Am I too far gone? Any advice would be more appreciated than you'll ever know.