Yogichris

Nice that he has you to visit frank. Keep us posted how you do with the Wellbutrin. Hope it helps some.

I wasn't going to chime in but had to. If you all recall, I wasn't on adderall, my ex is. Still tough going through the breakup.... I wanted to share, from someone not on adderall and dealing with quitting, relapsing, thoughts of wanting to get back on, etc, I can't imagine what you're all dealing with. I can say, I experience a lot of what you're all sharing....I've struggled with depression for about 5 years now, anxiety, panic attacks (was even put on short term disability). I experience a lack of motivation at work and feel lost, not sure what I'm doing with my life at times, even had thoughts of what's the point of living. My point is, my situation is different than all of yours, my father shot my mother when I was 5, I was in and out of foster care, then adopted, now my adoptive family doesn't talk to me, there's more to the story, but....What I'm trying to share I guess is life is tough and can be tougher for some. I've been on Wellbutrin, for about a year now, and I think it's helped. I don't plan on staying on it for a lengthy amount of time. But Frank, it's definitely not addicting the way pain pills or adderall can be. I've tried adderall to see how it felt, never started using it a lot, but I can see how it's addicting. I've had addiction issues in the past with a substance, but Wellbutrin is definitely not something to worry about getting addicted to (in my opinion). Think of it as a cast. If you break your arm, you need a cast for a bit for the bones to heal. You just need to heal a bit from using adderall and pain meds, so this is like a temporary cast for your brain and health. And to everyone else, sorry for the long message, but depression, lack of motivation, anxiety, it all sucks. Not sure if you find any comfort in my post sharing that I never used adderall like you did but still experience a lot of what you do after quitting. The biggest help has been staying healthy, mind, body, spirit, hanging out with healthy friends, sharing my story, yoga, reading books about health, spirituality, self help, listening to podcasts, and really taking the pressure of yourself to be someone you think you should be. To enjoy the small things, seeing the sun, cooking, appreciating nature, talking to a stranger at the grocery store, enjoying your loved ones...I wish you all the best in your continued journey. Life is up and down and I swear when you feel down everything seems to not go your way. I know I feel that way. But, I guess this is a roller coaster too, this journey we call life. And your journey of quitting. I wish you the best and send my love. Thanks for letting me have a voice on here when sometimes I feel bad chiming in. This community is damn amazing.

Congrats on one year down positivethoughts! What a great message in regard to emotions, how you should be feelings things and aware/connected. I don't take adderall but my ex did, and I still visit this forum just to help myself through the breakup. Your post made me smile and it's inspiring to hear everyone's stories and experiences. This forum is an amazing community. Congrats again!!

Also make sure the flax seeds are ground, not whole. To gain the good oil nutrients and for the body to absorb, the seeds should be ground. Awesome news on your husband Oswhid!! It sounds like things are turning around for you

That's amazing news bluemoon! Congrats on one year clean!! Thank you for sharing and so glad to hear you've met someone ego sees your worth keep it going!

SmhJen, dadofthree, bluemoon...everyone...your posts are incredibly helpful and honest. I heard of a new term recently, love addiction, (just read a book on this) and it's completely me. Basically people like me are co-dependent and when in love, can become addicted to that person (and the partner typically has a substance abuse). But we love so deeply we don't want to believe that our partner has an issue, we tend to make excuses for them, believe their words... Reading what you all wrote showed me I'm doing this, and believing his words that he doesn't think he has a problem making me question myself; yet, as you all shared, he's no where near close to admitting anything. I started to blame myself again, that since I questioned his adderall useage too much, I pushed him completely away... I did have hope a light bulb would go off once I left and he read my letter...each text he sent saying how much he missed me, gave me hope he was opening his eyes to his medication and his abuse of it; but he's not putting ANY effort in which says everything. I thought I knew this already (from my past posts) but I'm understanding more and more he has a loooong way to go as you said. The thinking of quitting, the actually doing it, the relapsing, all of it will be years and years...and he's not close to anyone to ask for help through it no matter how much I love him, I can't help him. And I know I need to know he loves me, but is incapable of truly giving to Any relationship whether it's me or someone else. Thanks for helping me through this and for being so real...I wish we could all meet, you seem like such cool people to all the partners out there of someone taking adderall, it really is so tough to understand the depth of what this medication can do. Like dadofthree said, they may not show every sign of abuse, and they may have this side that you fell in love with (times of being present and truly intimate), but continue to read what everyone shares and know the advice from those that finally quit have experienced this first hand. Thank you everyone and I know I'll be in this site for a long time reading your stories.

Thanks flow3. You're a fighter to have realized what was going on with you. It's crazy to me how some of you are so affected by adderall that you're on this site trying to quit, while others (like my ex) seem to not be affected, or don't think their adderall has any role in the way they're life is going...I guess it really does show you some people are wired differently or so taken over by their addiction there is no getting out. It just breaks my heart for all those not getting help. You all continue to inspire me in my own life and I don't even take this medication. This site is powerful. Thank you so much and I wish you continued success in your journey to move forward

Bluemoon and Frank B, thanks for your replies. Truly, thank you. I had a moment of questioning myself and doubting if I've incorrectly 'diagnosed' him when maybe he has no issue with his medication. I think the fact that he's still not admitting that his adderall is affecting him, or maybe he really doesn't think so genuinely, made me second guess myself. I can't seem to wrap my head around it all still. I'm having a hard time accepting that he is ok with taking his meds and not looking deeper into it, making me feel crazy. I don't see how he can be in any serious relationship, but of course, if he does get into a committed relationship, I'll question myself even more about his adderall. I truly hoped I could be by his side and work through this with him. And I honestly wonder if some people can live a long life taking high amounts of adderall and be ok. He hasn't had any health issues yet but who knows. And still has his buddies so hasn't lost any other people except me. And yes bluemoon, being a lawyer certainly gives him an added edge of saying the right things and making me question even more. I was embarrassed to post again and seem weak, but I'm glad I did. Many thanks and I'll keep reading and cheering you all on in the meantime. I'm so grateful for this site and community.

Hi everyone, Hope you all had a great thanksgiving. I haven't written in awhile but have been reading all posts still. I don't take adderall, my ex did, but it's been almost two months we've been broken up now. He's texted me a handful of times saying he misses me, thinking about me, etc. I always write back since I still love him. I had written him a letter about my concern of his adderall useage and he finally read it a few weeks backs. He texted saying he read it but didn't necessarily agree with a lot of it. Anyway, a couple days ago I caved and texted him asking to see him. When we hung out, it was great to see him as my heart is with him. He just held me, it was just nice. Of course I brought up us and what he's been thinking. He went on to say he misses me but can't make me happy, that I'm too much, that he needs his freedom (to sleep until whenever, to hang with his buddies last minute if they invite him, to not worry about what I might say or think, to work late, to just live his life). He said he's not happy with himself or where he's at right now and needs to find balance (side note, I told him a year ago that maybe we shouldn't be together so he could find balance in his life but he always says I'm good for him and he doesn't want to loose me). I then asked why he texted me saying he misses me then, he said cause he did. But this messes with my head. I brought up the adderall and he again said he doesn't agree he has a problem. I honestly thought after two months, with him saying he's been depressed, saying he misses me, that he read my letter...I thought he'd finally admit that his medication could be a huge part of what went wrong between us but he didn't say this. He just said he needs to start looking for a new job, get himself right, etc. (I do think he's struggling at work. His boss commented that he's been coming in late, but he seems to think this is due to us breaking up and he's depressed, not adderall). I guess I'm now wanting to hear from you if maybe I've blown his adderall use out of proportion and perhaps it's just me or maybe he's someone who is not affected negatively by long term adderall use. He's been taking for at least 5 years maybe more. Since I've known him he's on 20mg instant release 3 pills a day but takes 4 sometimes. But I also don't really know how many he takes. So at least 60-80 mg a day. Is it possible that he could be right about not having a problem and I'm the reason we didn't work out? I guess it's confusing since he's saying he misses me and loves me but then saying I'm too much and he can't make me happy. Why bother contacting someone in the first place . Is this the adderall making him do this and him wanting my attention? But then he won't commit. He wants to be 'free' or is this just a typical guy acting like a guy who still wants to be single? I know not everyone had negative experiences with adderall but I was convinced after reading this site that it's affecting him. How do you really know??

Frank you had me going for a minute. You never know when you might hit jackpot though by the way, you getting your health back and quitting this drug is like winning the Life jackpot. This video is incredible...so moving, made me cry. It needs to go viral. Thank you for sharing, I sent it to my ex who I'm still so worried about with his adderall

Hearing you say it Doge, since you'be been on the other side as well, helps. Thanks. In a strange way its comforting to hear others who are partners of someone on adderall have felt the same as me. And how it's taking away from him the ability to be present with another person. Thanks for your reply. Hearing more from each of you makes me feel less crazy each day. Very sad still but not so crazy feeling.

Thanks for your reply Survived. I did finally leave him about 1-2 weeks ago and wrote him a long letter about my concern and even pasted some stories from this site. He hasn't read it yet but hoping one day he does. We did see each other twice already, which I'm sure isn't helping, as then he gets to be on his own and see me randomly which isn't a real commitment but perfect for him. I know I need to stop seeing him completely for it to sink in. Just so hard since I love him so much. But I think for him to see what the pills are doing I should cut off all contact. So much easier said than done. Thank you again for all your advice.

Thanks so much Dadofthree. Ordering the book today. And it is scary what the future holds with pill addiction nowadays. It’s really sad but I think bringing awareness, or at least I’d hope, helps to somewhat start the battle against it for future decades. Sounds like the book will bring some strength during those days I miss him and want to contact him. Thanks again and I’ll keep coming to the forum as well. Wishing you and your girls the best too

Hi Dadofthree, I felt the same after finding this site….it was like I was reading about my partner exactly. Like you, I didn’t know anything about Adderall prior to dating him. I didn’t start investigating more until I noticed odd behaviors on his end….and then the temper and mood swings kicked in, along with the selfishness. A lot of it I didn’t experience right away, but I guess the more you’re around someone, the more it comes out. Hearing you share your dating experience after splitting sheds some light on how much I’ve lost myself. I realize I’m not my same self because of this relationship and the abuse. My personality has changed as well but it’s encouraging to hear you’re doing well and back to your old self. And I couldn’t agree more, a man should not make a woman cry. To think of all the things he can’t stand about me are simply me loving him…wanting to spend time with him, love him, lay with him, etc. It’s mind blowing. You’d think anyone would want love and welcome it. So we did end things this past Sunday and I’m just trying to stay strong and take time for me as all of you suggested. I did wish him well, wrote him a long letter, and shared how much I love him and how concerned I am. I also shared with him I would be here if there is a day he decides to wean off his meds or realize how they’ve changed him as a result. He promised he’d read the letter this week, but I’m not holding my breath, as his word doesn’t hold much to me nowadays. I’m really sad and already miss him, but I know I need to do this…especially after reading this site, sharing, and having you all reply. Thank you for shedding light, insight, and giving me a bit of strength to walk away, I just hope I don’t get weak and go back. I guess I’ll let the healing process begin and only hope he finds this site…I already sent him the link. And Frank is right, he isn’t choosing Adderall over me, he is choosing it over everything. Thanks everyone for your support.

Isn't that the truth. Thanks for your reply Frank.