Speeder906
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Posts posted by Speeder906
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If I can offer up some advice here, don’t tell your doctor. Instead, make an appointment with a therapist or other doctor within their network and tell that person about your Adderall abuse. Be straight forward and say you’re abusing it and you want off it.
It’s much much easier to tell this third party person to relay that you want off the meds rather than to tell the person who has been prescribing you for several years. It’s also a way to ensure you won’t be prescribed again. Of course, this is a nuclear option, but for some of us, myself included, it’s what needs to be done. I wish you the best of luck@NurseAddy
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I've been off Adderall for roughly a year and half and for anyone reading this struggling I have to tell you it's way better on this side of the fence. Sometimes I'm just blown away by the amount of time, effort, and life force I wasted on Adderall. Ultimately, I am glad it all happened though, believe it or not. It built me up to become the person I am today.
Not sure how often people frequent this place anymore, but I think about it from time to time because for a while, this was where I spent hours typing out my frustrations and hoping I would read something that changed my life. Truth is, nothing anyone here says can change how someone lives their life, but can only influence it. Nothing anyone said here was going to stop me from downing an entire months worth of pills in a short few days, and that's just a fact. It helps to know we aren't alone, no doubt about that, but making the tangible real world changes is what makes us better.
I was at the gym and Dr. Phil was on the tvs. In the episode it was all about this woman who was addicted to Adderall. I watched it, watched her, and it just reminded me of the hell of a lifestyle that was. It was all too relatable to a past version of myself. I thought about making a post about it on here but I didn't get around to it, but it shook me for a few days. I couldn't stop thinking about her and what my experience was like, and more importantly, the massive amount of progress I have made getting OFF this shit. Specifically, I remember watching her tell Dr. Phil about a phenomenon that all current and former tweakers, I'm sure, understand. She spoke about, up until using Adderall, feeling like a zombie walking throughout life, not really paying attention to anything. When she takes Adderall suddenly everything comes alive. She then went on to describe that random people's t-shirts would be transmitting messages to her as an individual. She didn't know the people but the shirts and the phrases on them applied to HER life somehow. It was the kind of delusion of grandeur I recall having all the time. Dr. Phil, of course, commented about how NOT normal that experience was. It reiterated the point that, in that state of mind, we aren't living. We are over saturated with what we believe makes up life, but it's false, it's artificial, and more importantly: it's a form of delusion.
Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this, but this has been cathartic, and one of the rare posts I have written on this website NOT fueled by malnutrition, sleep deprivation, and excessive amounts of amphetamine. The fact that I have been able to write this much somewhat coherently, if I do say so myself, speaks volumes in my opinion.
Life is GOOD, man. Like, REALLY good. Stimulant-free life is slower, it's calmer, it's so much bigger than the bubble that we trap ourselves into when we're on a binge. My inbox is always open to anyone going through the thick of it. I've gotten passed the phase where I'm so tempted to try and get my Adderall back because life is so good right now and it has been pretty good for many months. Now I am trying to keep moving forward and perhaps try to give back in some way, shape, or form.
Be well, everyone!
PS. Here's a link to the Dr. Phil episode I was referring to: https://www.drphil.com/shows/former-anchorwoman-and-beauty-queen-wife-is-she-addicted/
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On 8/5/2019 at 0:29 PM, eric said:
@Speeder906 that was an awesome post to read! Very encouraging for those in the early stages of recovery. Hope everything has continued going strong for you and in that case you would be past the 1 year mark. Hope all is well!
Yes! I came here to possibly make an updated post about how things are going, so thanks for your comment. I'm roughly a year and a half off adderall and life is GOOD man. Hope everything is well with you as well
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On 10/15/2019 at 5:37 AM, Motivation_Follows_Action said:
This post was 2.5 years ago so I doubt the poster will still be wondering. But I'll answer in case anyone is interested.
I got to the stage where I was doing insane things, having moments of psychosis etc. In my clean hours, I knew this was unsustainable.It just so happened that I'd had a horrific binge while traveling to SFO (another crazy drug story) and scared myself straight. i jumped on a plane and went back to Australia, with only a suitcase and a bottle of pills. I gave the pills to my mother. She threw them away.
For me that was literally the only way I could quit. I have recently learned that Adderall is now available in Australia (it may always have been but I never went to ask) and I admit sometimes I have been tempted to get it. But two things have happened: 1) doctors here are more responsible than in the USA and don't just prescribe it in the first appointment, it would take a lot of lies and I'm not that kind of person any more; and 2) If I get psychotic again I don't think I can make it.
I hope you don't get to read this, Speeder. Not because I don't care about you but because I hope you're clean. What a horrible drug Adderall is.
Oh man.. reading what I wrote makes me cringe and feel bad for my old self. Doesn't even seem like something I would write at this point. I'm roughly a year and a half off adderall. Life is GOOD man. Came online to actually maybe make a post about how things have been going because I feel so good lately. Thanks for the reply anyways
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Hello,
Felt like checking in here after 6 MONTHS off adderall. Mostly wanted to come here and tell y’all how fucking incredible it feels to be off this stuff. How amazing it feels to not have that baggage holding me down. When I want to go for a walk, talk to someone, do something, ANYTHING, I don’t have that inkling thought of, “is this adderall making me do this?” It’s just me.
I told my doctor I was abusing and that was the best thing I could’ve done. It was a clean cut and I’d do it a thousand times over if I could. I won’t forget walking out of the room after telling my doctor. Like i could finally live my life again. 100% recommend cutting off at the source like that if anyone use or experience with adderall has been anything like mine. It’s hard as hell to do, I’ve tried before a couple times, but once you bite that bullet, it’s done. Of course there’s no option to taper or take back your confession, but if things are as bad as it was for me, it’s fucking worth it
Since quitting, not only have I started a new job in a field I want to be in, I’ve been killing it in school, I’ve even gotten into a university (I wasn’t even planning on that when on adderall, that was a 100% ME ambition). I’m excited to start over somewhere new and fully leave all this behind me in every way. I’ve noticed recently my old interests coming back: outdoors and music were the big two. I thought I lost that, but it’s slowly coming back in spurts and I love it. Much to my surprise, I’ve been able to not gain weight since quitting and have even lost some weight. It’s the result of actively trying, but still, I used adderall for weight loss and all it even got me was binge eating episodes on repeat. Not to say it’s been all great since day one, but once you let go, it only gets better, in my opinion and in my experience
I’ve been meaning to post an update like this here for a long time, so that was my little brain dump. Take care, everyone!
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@sleepystupid thank you! It was definitely the hardest thing to do, scary as hell, but happy I did it.
As for a job, I’ve been working along with going to school already, but I did actually just start working at a new place doing the stuff I’ve been in school for. So far without adderall its been good.
I am still in school yes, I am actually doing summer quarter right now but weirdly not behind. There was only one time I was behind and that was the last time I had adderall. Idk, I feel like it just came full circle. I started it to focus in school, now I can’t focus for school when I had it, so it was (among many other reasons) time to let go.
But you’re right, I should definitely be thinking ahead. Any suggestions on how to approach that aspect?
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I think this may be the first time I’ve been on here not going through the motions, likely the first and only time since joining that I have actual good news.
Couple weeks ago I had enough. If anyone remembers my use pattern was binge/crash/repeat. Got so fed up with it and mid-binge made an appointment to see a therapist to come clean. I’ve tried to do this several times over the last 4 years but this time I actually did it. Adderall was discontinued and I’m working on undoing all this shit it’s done to me.
I feel so fucking good just not worrying about when my next fill is coming through, what I’ll do with it, and at what point during my binge will I come to this site or any other recovery forums online complaining about what I’m doing.
If anyone’s struggling with “controlling” your use. If you’ve tried over and over again and are getting to very high doses (for me it was 250-350mg in a day); don’t keep lying to yourself. End it now. Tell someone. Get help. It’s a weight off my shoulders tbh.
Im still struggling to write coherently so apologies if this is kinda rambling of a post. Every day gets better! Not sure why I wanted to post this, I was just in one of those moods of gratitude I guess.
Not too much activity here lately but figured I’d share anyway
take care everyone!
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Don’t beat yourself up too much. I’ve learned the less critical you are about failing to quit the harder it will be to find the strength to finally quit.
You’re going to fail some of the time. What you do with that failure is what really matters. Each relapse I had (way more than 2) I knew something new about my patterns of use. Try to recognize that. Fail for a third time? Try again. Fail for a fourth? Try again. Best of luck.
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Yeah I agree, having people that are addicted would've had more impact. Especially for those college girls that didn't even think about adderall as a drug, just medication to help with school, I just wished they didn't get so much screen time. Wish more people like Eben who had his career ruined or Jasper who wanted off adderall. Other than that there's very little mention of addiction or long-term use. Mostly talks about how it works short-term. I think that's what bugged me the most. Was hoping it'd be like a more people driven doc, rather than presenting a problem with no suggestion for how to resolve it.
It honestly made me want to get back on adderall, until I came to my senses.. lol
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In my opinion of course.. it’s garbage. Totally glorifies adderall. What did you guys think if you watched the documentary?
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I was thinking the same thing Eric. Hopefully the back half is more about the problem use of these drugs cause.
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14 hours ago, programmingOnAdderall said:
Should I taper off it slowly, or go cold turkey and throw out my current prescription?
I tell myself every day "I'm not going to take it today", but when it's one of my planned Adderall days, I feel like I can't even help myself as I take one after the other after the other. I feel like my freedom of choice has been stolen, and as I'm taking the pills I'm just thinking: "What the hell, who cares?", and I'm not able to stop myself.
I think you answered your own question here bud. I'm 21 as well and I used Adderall to get an "edge" on school so I totally see where you're coming from. I really do, but imo you gotta tell your doctor asap, especially cause of the nose bleed thing, that's not something to overlook. You're early enough in your Adderall prescription that your doctor will be much more inclined to help rather than if you keep it to yourself. If you wait much longer (I stupidly waited 3 years) you run the risk of them taking more extreme precautions because (1) your more dependent on the drug itself and (2) you've proven you're not above lying to their face. Don't flush your pills just dispose if them properly if you can. Doctors typically use that fact against you in the future if you are that impulsive. Just my opinion. Good luck!
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Sure I'll send it in a message. If anyone else is also interested in seeing it just shoot me a message.
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Hey everyone,
I just spent the better of the the day writing a six page paper about adderall type meds and how much they actually affect cognition and performance. Seemed worthwhile cause that was my exact reason for starting Adderall.
Tbh I was worried that starting my paper would make me romantize Adderall again and get myself back on it but nope. I won't go into too much detail here but y'all can imagine my findings essentially said Adderall doesn't do jack for cognition or grades in the long run. If anything it helps with deficits not cognitive performance so it's wild that we call it a "smart" drug.
Hope this wasn't too preachy.
Take care forum!
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How long after quitting did you let yourself be lazy? I have heard some people need some recovery time and others need to just go right back into their life.
Few days clean and feel lazy and just wanna lay around all weekend eating.. but then another part of me knows I'm getting fatter by the day and I should go to the gym.
Where do you guys land on this?
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When I'm off Adderall (going to be quitting tomorrow again), I remember getting really triggered when someone says the word Adderall and that makes me just see what they are feeling: only the good things about the drug. I have none of those when using but when i am sober I struggle with remembering that. When I see someone super talkative or energized especially at school, I start trying to figure out if they're on Adderall or not. It's like this weird obsession that when I'm not on Adderall I live vicariously through others and I hate that because it usually makes me rationalize my abuse and I talk myself into thinking I'd be more responsible if I was to go back on it.
So im just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Maybe how to manage this? Or just tips on stress management that might be of use to a college student that up until recently has relied on Adderall to do all my studying.
Thanks
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Thanks Sean. Clearly I was in a bad place last night haha. You're totally right tho I thought I was already at that point a couple months ago but I guess I was wrong. Just trying to get through the day at the moment. Appreciate the reply.
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Hey y'all.
It's 2am and I'm awake, on this forum, so you guessed it.. back at it again and I didn't think it was possible but I've hit a new low. Probably just need to rant a little and get it out of my system in the fee hours I have before I have to 'wake up' for work tomorrow.. err I mean today..
I thought I was really done with this crap. I told my psych id like to stop Adderall cause it doesn't help anymore and I was free for a while until she put me on Ritalin. Idk why but I agreed thinking maybe this will be different, maybe I can use stimulants properly just not Adderall... Less than 24 hours later poof! Month's supply gone and the worst part? I was empty and zoned out the whole time but I still took more hoping I'd feel something eventually. Next thing I know school is piling up and in a panic I write her asking to go back to Adderall for the rest of the quarter. Quick fixes at it's finest, am I right?
It's so sad how I really genuinely believe this refill would be better, I wouldn't binge it, I was happy Adderall free generally so why would I want to lose all that?
Next thing I know it's almost 3am, three days and approx 500mg later and my brain is fried. I'm so exhausted you guys. Not from the lack of sleep, food, and social interaction but exhausted from the constant reminder that I'm getting worse every passing month. It's exhausting to prove myself right that I'm an addict. Then to prove myself wrong that I can survive without it. Half of the month is usually me Adderall free and the short period of time with Adderall is always the worst. Every time.
Probably gonna delete this post tomorrow but for now I'm gonna leave it at this cause I really gotta sleep. I have a pounding headache and I have had it for days. Praying work isn't hectic. Also praying my heart doesn't quit on me. Surprised it hasn't with the blur of a few days it's been.
Byeee
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http://slatestarcodex.com/2017/12/28/adderall-risks-much-more-than-you-wanted-to-know/
As someone who was prescribed adderall just before starting college (and heavily abused it all throughout) I found this a very interesting read. It's pretty rare to find something so recently published so figured I would share this with everyone here.
Stumbled across this when looking for some articles to use for an essay I have to write for my addiction studies class. I'm choosing to write about stimulant drugs in general and how they impact college students. Best part of this class is that one of my other assignments is to attend an NA meeting, one of the things I've been postponing for a long time. So without going into too much detail, I haven't posted in months but things are slowly getting better. I'm no longer using up my month supply in less than a week.
Take care everyone!
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I feel overall fine off Adderall but my main struggle is finding things to do throughout the day. Anyone have any tips for staying busy and/or picking up a new hobby?
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4 hours ago, Nicole88 said:
It's really just a therapy technique so most therapists/psychologists/social workers should have some training it it. I personally saw a LCSW, and it was luckily covered by my insurance. There are a lot of workbooks on the topic tho, and it is proven to be a very effective method if you can stay committed to the process. Definitely don't need someone to walk you through it as they are very easy concepts to grasp. I definitely think it made all the difference in some of the gains I've made in the past few months so worth a shot
Where might I find some of those workbooks? I've come across some online but not sure which I would get if any.
It looks like my insurance won't cover me seeing a therapist (or any doctor more than a few times a year for that matter) and switching to several different psychiatrists to find the one I'm seeing now probably wasn't a good idea. I do see a counselor at my college (cause it's free) and she mentioned integrating CBT in our sessions. May as well take her up on that since it looks like my medical insurance isn't exactly making getting help too easy on me
I do kinda prefer the in-person sessions if I were to do CBT but that might be my only option that won't make me even more broke than I already am rn haha
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Thanks Dave and Frank! I appreciate the support. I did see a therapist/psychologist (if there's a diff?) a few years back but don't remember taking it too seriously or knowing what I wanted to get out of it given I was like 17 and just scored my adderall script lol.
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Hey everyone,
I'm going to see a cognitive behavioral therapy therapist next week and I was just wondering if anyone could share their experience and/or let me know what to expect? My psychiatrist referred me to a therapist to deal with my (social) anxiety primarily, but there's a lot more going on than anxiety, I feel like. Mostly stemming from my adderall abuse. Does anyone know if CBT can kinda branch out to different subjects? Like ways to deal with cravings? Or ways to cope with the low self-esteem, weight gain/recurring binge eating, or do they normally stick to one issue (i.e social anxiety in my case).
Be well everyone
I can't believe it's me...
in Tell your story
Posted
Oh good. Sorry if you've mentioned that already, I didn't have time to read all the replies. I just think cutting off the supply is the #1 thing I would recommend if trying to quit.
I don't think there is a way to really "curb" cravings, but over time if you stick it out you'll see yourself slowly come back. I won't pretend like I didn't struggle and try to get back on it, but that stopped after around the year mark when I was truly remembering and conscious of the damage I was doing to my mind and my body. Perspective isn't something that can be found out of a bottle, in my opinion.
I am sure it's been mentioned in this thread, but exercise and being more active definitely helped me get to where I am now. I am not the most healthy person, even less so when I was downing hundreds of mgs of Adderall a day for days in a row, but I would recommend finding some sort of physical activity to at very least take your mind off cravings. Cutting ties to things that remind you of Adderall help. Rearrange your living space, I also feels helps a little. I wish I had a direct answer, but at a certain point you just learn to deal with cravings and later they don't come up as often because you've filled that void or at least fill it on occasion.