mkatiara

Thank you so much for replying.

The gift with the golden ribbon Those sweet rainbows of disguise The gift that keeps on giving, Crumbles to sugar, broken from the lies. Placed in the hands of the gifted The candy colored wings that help you fly, Euphoria quickens with the swiftness of a magician, Needing that sugar just to feel alive. From blue to orange we’re climbing higher Too close to the rainbow to turn back now Sold my soul when I untied that golden ribbon The smallest sprinkle of sugar, had the power to control. I began writing a poem last night to try and explain this hell that is my addiction. I started off just like everybody else. My sophomore year of college, I was on top of the world. I popped one or two of those blue pills, and aced my finals and every class. This is going to sound really dumb, but I began to think of adderall as a magic potion that I was so lucky to know about it. I didn't want to share even one pill, because that was one less moment of heaven I got to feel. I would listen to songs for hours, staring at the computer screen for hours on end. It was an amazing feeling and I could never get enough. And after awhile, I had to have it. It was all I thought about, just wanting to keep that high. I was losing weight during this time, already on my way down a road that would become my hell. I never slept, didn't eat much, and started to get the shakes in my hand. But it was very subtle, and I attributed it to being over caffinated. I remember the first time I had an overdose. I had numbness in the side of my face, I was short of breath, and my hand wouldn't move. I tried to shake it to wake myself up, and it was just hanging limp at my side. That was the first of many. My second overdose was much worse. I would get these terrible musle spasms. In my back, in my spine, shoulder. I would waste HOURS trying to get the muscle knot out, my eyes would blur when I was driving and I know it was so dangerous. I would just sit there and cry and beg for it to stop. The third overdose was when I started to get the numbness in my feet. That was the worst. Because with that numbness came the slow concentration that became my personal hell. I would look around my room for hours, searching for something I could never find. My mind was slow and numb from no sleep, but I couldn't stay away from the adderall. It was killing me, but at the same time it was keeping me alive. My fourth and fifth overdoses were when I lost my soul. I can no longer feel right now. I push so many people away because they don't understand. I neglect my assignments, I skip class, I miss things and I don't care. I don't care and I can't figure out why. And then I remember what started it all: that little pill. I never knew what it could do to me. This is such a short summary of my love affair with adderall. It gave me everything, then took it all away. I hate this drug, I don't wish it upon my worst enemy. Because what adderall takes from you leaves you feeling emptier than anything that the stimulant can bring back. I'm lost right now. I'm deep in a tunnel of addiction. I cried for hours today. I know it's my lowest point. I feel nothing, I feel sadness but no connection with it. Even the simple things like reading a book or watching tv make me miserable. I find no joy in anything anymore. And it's all because of that one little pill. I know I have to stop, but what this terrible drug has done for me makes it hard to want to. I don't want to stop because it has sucked the life out of me to a point where I no longer care. But there is a voice buried deep inside of me that is telling me to walk on. I feel like I am in such a dark place at the moment. No one understands. No one but the people who have lived through it. Please tell me I can make it? <3 Alli How adderall changed me: First picture was before. Second one is after.

The gift with the golden ribbon Those sweet rainbows of disguise The gift that keeps on giving, Crumbles to sugar, broken from the lies. Placed in the hands of the gifted The candy colored wings that help you fly, Euphoria quickens with the swiftness of a magician, Needing that sugar just to feel alive. From blue to orange we’re climbing higher Too close to the rainbow to turn back now Sold my soul when I untied that golden ribbon The smallest sprinkle of sugar, had the power to control. I began writing a poem last night to try and explain this hell that is my addiction. I started off just like everybody else. My sophomore year of college, I was on top of the world. I popped one or two of those blue pills, and aced my finals and every class. This is going to sound really dumb, but I began to think of adderall as a magic potion that I was so lucky to know about it. I didn't want to share even one pill, because that was one less moment of heaven I got to feel. I would listen to songs for hours, staring at the computer screen for hours on end. It was an amazing feeling and I could never get enough. And after awhile, I had to have it. It was all I thought about, just wanting to keep that high. I was losing weight during this time, already on my way down a road that would become my hell. I never slept, didn't eat much, and started to get the shakes in my hand. But it was very subtle, and I attributed it to being over caffinated. I remember the first time I had an overdose. I had numbness in the side of my face, I was short of breath, and my hand wouldn't move. I tried to shake it to wake myself up, and it was just hanging limp at my side. That was the first of many. My second overdose was much worse. I would get these terrible musle spasms. In my back, in my spine, shoulder. I would waste HOURS trying to get the muscle knot out, my eyes would blur when I was driving and I know it was so dangerous. I would just sit there and cry and beg for it to stop. The third overdose was when I started to get the numbness in my feet. That was the worst. Because with that numbness came the slow concentration that became my personal hell. I would look around my room for hours, searching for something I could never find. My mind was slow and numb from no sleep, but I couldn't stay away from the adderall. It was killing me, but at the same time it was keeping me alive. My fourth and fifth overdoses were when I lost my soul. I can no longer feel right now. I push so many people away because they don't understand. I neglect my assignments, I skip class, I miss things and I don't care. I don't care and I can't figure out why. And then I remember what started it all: that little pill. I never knew what it could do to me. This is such a short summary of my love affair with adderall. It gave me everything, then took it all away. I hate this drug, I don't wish it upon my worst enemy. Because what adderall takes from you leaves you feeling emptier than anything that the stimulant can bring back. I'm lost right now. I'm deep in a tunnel of addiction. I cried for hours today. I know it's my lowest point. I feel nothing, I feel sadness but no connection with it. Even the simple things like reading a book or watching tv make me miserable. I find no joy in anything anymore. And it's all because of that one little pill. I know I have to stop, but what this terrible drug has done for me makes it hard to want to. I don't want to stop because it has sucked the life out of me to a point where I no longer care. But there is a voice buried deep inside of me that is telling me to walk on. I feel like I am in such a dark place at the moment. No one understands. No one but the people who have lived through it. Please tell me I can make it? <3 Alli How adderall changed me: First picture was before. Second one is after.