Broken16

I will

i don’t think anyone cares lmao I’m 16 years old and a sophomore in high school. Last year I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADD, and ocd. Through out my whole life ive been day dreaming through it I didnt learn basic math or anything really because of ADD I’ve never been able to stick to anything or do good in school I always wondered why I was so stupid compared to everyone else. My life has been living hell dealing with Addiction and mental health. Last year the first time I ever took adderall I took at least 100mg and showed up to treatment the next day not able to breathe correctly and my heart pounding out of my chest. Later I learned I permanently damaged my heart. I bought it in the summer and felt the euphoria and interest and happiness in things I’ve never had before and just felt the best I’ve ever felt I could actually do stuff that other people can do . I got prescribed adderall in the beginning of this school year 30mg XR and started off with a normal dose. I could actually LEARN at school for the first time in my life. As the year kept going I started developing a tolerance. I always wanted more more more. I started stealing adderall from one of my best friends and I found out the password for the safe my parents locked everything up in. On a good day I take at least 100mg through out the day. I take them anytime of the day sometimes I take it at night so I can stay up and enjoy it and have peace and quiet for once. Like right now I’m off it. My best friend said that I’m a different person when I’m on adderall and I know I am but I didn’t think it was that noticeable. I keep going crazy on people and I’ve tried to fight my friends. I didn’t realize how much I was taking and how I was really acting. A few months ago I ran out and stopped cold turkey I went fucking crazy and ran away did whatever I wanted for 2 days then came back and crashed my parents were trying to wake me up but I wouldn’t and when I did I told them I was going to kill them and my dad has to hold me on the ground while I screamed on the top of my lungs til the police came and that’s how I ended up in the hospital for about a week withdrawling the whole time from adderall + the other stuff I was doing at the time. When I got out of the hospital I didn’t realize I was even addicted and didn’t stop to think wtf I was doing w my life. I’ve pretty much been on adderall this whole year I lost about 25 pounds or more Idek.I’m destroying myself with each pill I take I’m trapped and at rock bottom. I don’t think I’ll ever make it through a life with out adderall. I made it 3 days then took 80 mg today because I felt like I couldn’t function. I just feel so crazy and hopeless. My life is pretty much over with