GRF

this is amazing news!! IMO you've officially turned the corner out of the darkest days. Your never-look-back mindset is key and the best is truly yet to come. I am so excited for your journey forward, its going to be awesome. you will feel in ways you never thought you might! enjoy

SO proud of you all - you are in (IMO) the most difficult and excruciating portion of the entire process. What you are looking forward to (genuine connectivity and emotion) are already peeking through. I've made it to 18mo. myself and can tell you the good stuff is RIGHT around the corner. There will be highs and lows, but personally I am (and have been for a while) 100% FREE. I don't think about popping pills at all anymore, I don't feel that constant and total void of energy and work enthusiasm, I REALLY and truly am better at my job than ever in my career.... All things I never ever actually believed would be on the other side of this unbelievably challenging process. You can and WILL do it and that is so amazing and I am excited for each of your successful journeys. You got this.

First of all - thank you and everyone so much for the kind words. It means SO very much to me and honestly makes me tear up a bit to share this struggle and support with you all. This site is a true blessing. It is because of this site that I realized quitting was a true possibility and the right path to take! To answer your question, I would definitely agree it was the final 2-3 years where I realized a big problem had crept up on me, and crept up quick. In those last years it felt like there were only two settings to me - GO MODE and completely zonked. And in the final year "GO MODE" wasn't really that at all. I could have a pill (or 3) in the system and still just barely be floating above the surface to stay socially or mentally engaged. My mind got a lot more jumpy and paranoid and it felt like I shorted out much more rapidly and aggressively. I am a very social person, and for me, I realized something was amiss when I couldn't hang more than an hour or so before I needed to crash / Irish exit home to be alone. My energy levels would tank so easily, or my mood would get uncharacteristically angsty and low. I also wasn't having meaningful conversations anymore - every human interaction I had, I was miles away mentally. I HATED that and felt so much guilt from it. I was snippy and short and always SO DAMN SELFISH. my mind was never not focused on ME and pills and my high (or lack thereof). I hope anyone on this journey or beginning of their quitting journey can realize what I did - that it is not only possible, but BETTER on this other side. People treat you differently because you are a significantly different person - I have never received such positive attention and love and good vibes. Because that is exactly what I am giving back in return! I wish you all so much strength and I root for you so hard.

officially 1 year clean as of July 1st. I am in SUCH a better place in every single aspect of my life - my mental health, my career, my fitness, I drink WAY less, I sleep better, have incredibly stronger relationships with friends and family, more present every single day... I am SO PROUD of myself. I never ever ever thought this could be me, and it simply IS. After a lot of struggle and self doubt and hurdles along the way, I can confidently say THIS is who I am (and always was waiting to be) and I sincerely hope my journey inspires someone else to do the same.

this has helped me in this moment so much more than you will ever know, internet stranger friend. The anxiety just BUILDS and it is so helpful to just take a big ol breath and not feel so alone here. I thank you so so much. He deserves a LOT of my patience and I do plan on affording that to him and taking this day by day, week by week, month by month ( !! )

2.5 months down and feeling A LOT of emotions these past few weeks. I have been in a nearly decade-long relationship (which means for the majority of it I was abusing adderall) and now I have come out the other side and just have this total sense of re-awakening my life and re-introducing myself to ME. and I am OBSESSED with me, I can't believe how funny and witty and charismatic I can be (not trying to be arrogant there, but that's how I feel) and I have now reached this point where I am doubting EVERY element of the world I have built around me: my career, my friendships and (most significantly) my relationship. It feels like the last 6-7 years I was in total tunnel vision with my blinders on, and he provided me with safety, security and constant support. Now...? I don't necessarily need that level of companionship - I find myself wanting to be independent and sincerely get to know myself and FINALLY explore who it is I really am. I do not love him any less, I just am having a hard time reconfiguring what makes us work. And, of course, it doesn't help that he has no idea I was using adderall to begin with... So once again, I feel so utterly alone in my challenge. I have no idea what to do. I also wonder if post-quitting depression of some kind is setting in around this 2.5 month mark and if that has anything to do with the drastic changes in my mood and outlook. Any advise or guidance is so greatly appreciated..

2 months down and feel exceptional. Sleeping lots, increasingly patient, present AF, hungry always, day dreaming, developing a love for routine exercise (4 days a week!), my relationship has NEVER been stronger, sillier or more important to me. If you had asked me 2 months ago if this would EVER be me I would have called you insane. If I can do this ANYONE can. IT - IS - SO - WORTH IT. onwards!

My story of getting hooked is similar to most - what started as a fun college exam buzz steadily launched into 6 years of prescriptions (that I have never told a soul about). But in the last 2-3 years it has dramatically changed its hold on me. I've gone from thinking "HOW is everyone not on this magical elixir" to "HOW is anyone even remotely functioning without taking their daily fix?!!?". Somewhere along the line it became my identity and my crutch that I COULD NEVER do without. Going 'sober' on a Saturday morning felt like living inside a hollow shell of cloudy irritability. The moment it wore off in the evening it felt like exhaustion knocked the wind out of me, but at the same time the incessant NEED for stimulation never ceased - my screen time = straight up despicable. Anyway - I took a one month break back in May and (even in that short amount of time) I felt astonishingly different - re-engaged, more connected, actually at peace in relaxing moments, more ALIVE, FUNNIER, cooler.... BETTER. I wasn't ready to quit for good unfortunately (because work just wasn't a carnival anymore! wah!), I just wanted to see what the break would do. And then back I was to my daily song and dance one month later. Recently I was proposed to. FINALLY! Something I have been waiting for since I was old enough to understand what engagement was. And, could you even believe it, my tweaked out brain was miles away from what should have been one of the most magnificent and memorable moments in our love story. As soon as he bent to one knee and I felt my mind splintering into a million places (not in a good way) I knew it HAD to be it. I am done. No more of this. This is a GARBAGE way to live. No more muting my spectacular self for a faux feeling. I found this site through Reddit and it shifted everything into perspective. It is absolutely brilliant and I am SO GOD DAMN inspired by all of you. Thank you. You speak my fucking language. No more missing life's most precious moments and intricate details for the sake of getting a gold star from a job that could give a shit. No more thinking 6 steps ahead to a note I'd like to take or an email I would like to send for a project that does not fucking matter. No more nights of trash sleep or running off the daily caloric intake of a single mozzarella stick. no more MISSING my life to do... meth! Anyway, I want to tell you I am a week in and feel amazing already (and by amazing I mean needing 10 hours of sleep a night, long breaks between every task and mood swings a-plenty)... but I am PRESENT and hungry and HERE. And bitch I ain't goin back. I would love to hear from others on what it all feels like 6 months down the road, 1 year.. beyond then? Would LIVE for any inspo you can share on the feelings that go beyond week 1 / month 1 and where I can set my sights on next. Because this is not an IF this is a WHEN and I am really, truly excited. Thank you for listening : )