Pajamasoverpeople

WOW this is like reading my story. I had never been spiritual just floating along in life. My father was seventh day Adventist and him and the church really turned me off to religion. I know I have adhd and decided two years ago to try adderall and see if it really helped anything. Right away I noticed it didn’t ‘calm’ me down it felt like it turned up my emotions and senses and I felt this urgency to seek out truth the truth in my beliefs and in what spirituality was to me and just in literally everything. Etymology in words, synchronizations that I had NEVER experienced before quantum sciences, esoteric studies, meditation, symbolism, Greek and Norse mythology, philosophy, phycology the symbolism and deeper message woven within music and media movies it was soooo overwhelming at first but also a new kind of high I wanted more if I don’t know knowledge on all things-NOT LIKE ME AT ALL . About a year into taking it I hadn’t slept in 24hrs (nothing new for me I have terrible insomnia even without adderall) and I had a I don’t know what to call it. I was talking to my daughter and then it’s like I blacked out but I was aware and talking but time was weird everything was weird and I wasn’t me I can’t really explain it but I thought I was talking to God maybe - a really chill possibly stoned God I kept hearing that I was supposed to learn how to listen - I saw or heard or both all these biblical references flashing through my thoughts - Salt and birds so many images of birds - and then so many stories depicted through movies I had watched but somehow it showed me that I had lived so so many lives - and how I always tried to do everything on my own and the hard way and I NEEDED TO LISTEN. And then my love for consuming all little facts - as much as I can find - it has grown. I don’t believe in organized religion either I believe we have been turned away from the truth - like it’s been muddied - it’s been a year since that ‘event’ and I still am trying to understand what happened and who I am now my friends I’ve learned are not ok with this new me so I keep most to myself after everyone I knew said they were worried about my mental well being - I’ve learned how to take breaks so I don’t overwhelm myself and I sleep now - marijuana helps - again didn’t use before. I don’t know what it means I keep getting pulled to messages but I don’t know what that means or why this happened now it’s sooooooo nice to read that I’m not alone - that’s the hardest part of this I’ve never felt so alone but so excited to learn it’s odd.