crazyk9s

I was prescribed Adderall 10 years ago. It was probably 4 years into normal dosing I started increasing to what are now sometimes such insane amounts like almost 300mgs 4 days a week. My husband takes it and I've used that as an excuse for a long time. omg I've used every excuse. but the lies I tell myself are no longer believable. I am horrified. I don't work. I'm scared to go out for fear of judgment. somehow I've managed to become morbidly obese while abusing Adderall. the looks I get are very different than the ones I got as the shrinking Adderall girl. it's embarrassing. I have no hobbies except stay at home and read on the internet except now the internet is my biggest trigger I did this. no blame as I knew nothing good would eventually come as I was ever increasing my dose. I've lost everything pretty much except weight and went to one meeting to catch crap over that. like they swore I was not taking Adderall because well I'm a hippo. rude yes but I won't fault them for the confusion! fitting a decade in this is too hard so I'm alone addicted way self conscious especially as the morbid fat 46 year old lady. Scared shitless and have very little faith. my only drive is my age and weight wondering when this crap is going to kill me is the inspiration behind my drive but hope hoping to find something more soon! thx for reading however this cluster of words read. I'm sure not easy.