MB89

Hi everyone, new here and just wanted to share my story as I don’t really have anyone in my life that can relate. I am a mom of a 2 year old and I’m in this very stressful cycle of refilling the adderall, taking it for like 24 hours, and then flushing it. I take about 10-20 mg …. Don’t sleep and try to bang out as much work as possible. Every time I refill it I tell myself I won’t have to flush it this time. But then I end up feeling so terrible it’s the only way I can trust I won’t take it again for awhile … until the gremlin voices come back and tell me I should. this time my partner (boyfriend/father of my son) got mad at me. He said “why do you keep doing this to yourself?” I wish I knew. Obviously I have patterning and wounds I am trying to cover, along with being an exhausted mother. But I feel so hurt that he was mad at me. Like…. I just feel I need some compassion for this strange cycle I am in. I’m not so Addicted that I can’t get rid of it, but it’s definitely got a hold on me or I wouldn’t fantasize about it also wondering if anyone can relate to alcohol being a trigger. I have a nightly wine habit of a one to two cdrinks and I think it builds up/makes me feel depressed and then I think I need adderall. Maybe I just need to quit everything are there any groups for people with these adderall specific problems to talk? Wondering if there are alternatives to AA and stuff.