LADYLUCK

HEYYY!!!!! I'm STILL here!!! I'm sorry I'm not much of a blogger. Anyways......... GUESS WHAT? I'M ONE MONTH SOBER THIS SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And never going back. I think the only thing that could make me relapse is the fear of gaining weight... But I've been watching what I eat like a hawk because I cringe and the thought of being strung out again. I work out. I feel FUCKING GREAT! I kicked my cracked out roomie out. We actually got in a fight cuz I got sick of her edginess and anger. She was mad at the world. I understand because so was I when I popped addy. She's so depressed and I don't mean to kick her out of my life... But I won't hang out with her till she gets sober. My sobriety comes first before anybody. I'm so happy. I laugh. A lot. I dance. I am fun again. I am sweet. I am myself. If you're struggling to quit... I promise you it's worth it. I was exhausted and edgy for only one week. The hardest part was wanting to sleep but once you wake up..,. It's incredible. I'm high on real life. And I promise everybody around you will like u more. I didn't know I was so confident and fun without it. The guy I'm dating seriously fell even more in love with me. He is like "whoa I didn't know you were this sweet". And get this? I can still clean my whole house for 4 hours.... But with music instead of pills!!!! And I'm not scrubbing the same spot for an hour! HaHa. Thank you, guys, for the support & believing in me. I know I still have to take it one day at a time... But after 5 years of being sick & tired... I have zero desire to take another one. I'm sooooooooooo happppppppppy )))))))

Heyyyy guys! I'm here!!!! Day 5!!!!!!! Feeling amazing and happy! Just been sleeping and haven't had much to say unless it was to bitch. Hahaha. I'm still here!!!! Anyone live in San Diego?

I think this website is going to get me through this. Can't stop talking about it. Tomorrow I plan on coming clean to the parents... YIKES. I wanna respond to ya guys more and have more to say but this girl needs some sleep! Lol. Day 1 was sorta fun. I've been silly & laughing even though I can't get off the couch. Thank you for the positive vibes & reaching out, means more then u know. It's what I have to hold on to as a support system. Goodnight fellow addy haters!!!!! I will keep u posted & write more as soon as I cAn find the energy! I'm excited and positive!!

Thank you for the responses! I reread my post & it does sound like I put addy on a pedestal because I was trying to state why I do it. But truth is i've been ready to quit for years. Today is day 1 (again). I feel physically tired but emotionally excited. I told my roomies & even read them some articles from this site. Even if they don't want to quit... I did my part by making them question it a little (especially reading how it effects their life & looks in the long run). I am sooooooooo positive about it this time. Only because this site made me strong. I miss my passion and life. Y'all can doubt me because of how my post came across... But guys, this is the reality of adderallics & how they justified it for so long. Does that mean I'm not ready? Fuck no! I will prove it by continuing to post my recovery And I can't move out. It's my place. I am not going to kick them out because they aren't ready to live life like me. If they end up becoming a problem to my recovery this time, then yes I'll make actions. Some of your responses saying "you're not ready" makes me laugh. Reread my post... Does it sound like adderall is benefitting me? I wrote WHY I have justified it for so long... and you have all been there making excuses for it too! Support other adderallics to make changes instead of suggesting they aren't ready. Watch me shine! You will see!

Gosh, having a comedown & reading these stories makes me want to tell more. I also have a huge problem with weed. I quit weed 4 days ago but now i'm drinking wine really to help me sleep. Tonight, my last night, I have nothing so I can't sleep (3rd night in a row and I look like shit). Weed helps my days when I can't get my hands on pills & distracts my comedowns. I've smoked for about 4 years so my friends can no longer tell I'm high.. Or they just accepted the stoner that I've become. I quit 4 days ago because I thought it was making me lazy... But reality it's the addy. I'd pick addy over weed any day but they go nicely together. My body is aching. And I live in this beautiful town home with 2 other addicted addy chicks and I just opened my window to smoke a cig. Great. Now I have to wash my sheets again and I stuffed a towel under my door to hide the smell. Who the fuck am I? I'm disgusted with myself. Thank God I'm not the only one going through this. Pray for me please. I hate myself.

I apologize for posting 3 times & unsure how to delete my other drafts. Typing fast on an iPhone! Whoops!

Hey heyyy. I'm a 24 year old chick in SD. Before I tell my story, I will warn y'all that I'm having a comedown from my "last" adderall. Again. Hopefully a reminder to somebody out there as to why you're on the journey to staying sober. Been on it for 5 years without a prescription because I don't trust myself to have one. I'd pop them like skittles. The fact that I have to go out of my way to buy them off others is probably saving my life. My tolerance is extreme... I can easily take 120-150 milligrams on a good day when my friends or boss gets a refill (I countdown to the doctors appointment day). In a sick twisted way, I can appreciate my friend's being in love with addy like me so they can never spare enough. Hey, they're probably saving me from an overdose? Oddly enough, I am the one who introduced these pills to my clique because I wanted to share the magic with them. That's my number one regret. It started as a homework drug (straight A's yet I've always been a C average kinda gal). Then, I became dependent on it to party with my girls because drinking makes me tired. And now I never black out from pounding too many shots! Plus, it cures a hangover in 20 minutes. But, In all reality, the addy is ruining our fun girls nights out because we spend hours perfecting our makeup and hair that we don't even make it to the bars till 1130. Since when did we care this much?! For Facebook pictures that we will spend hours cropping and filtering?! PATHETIC. I miss letting loose & being comfortable in my own skin. Grades, party, and oh yes!!! We do addy to get shit done! One of our favorite activities these days is cleaning the fuck out of our apartment. Every cupboard is organized. Our dvd's are in alphabetical order. Haha. And one time, the highlight of 2013... I scrubbed the walls on an all nighter that my wrist ached for 3 days. There is nothing else to clean so lately it's been pretty boring around here. Ohhhh the skinny thing. I quit addy once for 5 months and I became pretty grisly. I loved my sober life but addy seemed to be the only fix it cure for losing 15 lbs in a week or 2. I stopped talking to my parents and am cautious what pics I post on Facebook in fear they will know I relapsed again. I'm rib skinny. No gym ever. It's sick. And my favorite thing in the world to do on addy... Chain smoke ciggys. I am probably strung out enough to say that I'm ruining my pretty face. I've aged quick! But it's like heaven...even though I have to hide out on my porch because I'm totally ashamed. I've never looked like the type of girl who smokes cigs (girly girl)...but last night I took a pic of myself and now I do. Well long story but what it comes down to is that I HATE ADDERALL. I hate it. It's destroyed my passion, hobbies (even though I'll make lists of potential hobbies to try), and friends. We are no longer even getting along because we can't seem to take the time to listen to each other because we are fighting to talk! Problem is... I've been dyyyyying to quit but nobody is down. They talk me out of it every time & will offer a free 30 mili (my favorite) to begin another pointless project with them. I live with these people... So it's everywhere. Sometimes I quit for a day or 2 because I fucking hate relying on pills..,and i hide out in my bedroom and feast... & it's so boring! I've been wanting to be sober for years now but keep putting it off. So tonight, once again, I decided to google Adderall support meetings because NA & AA are filled with heroine junkies & ex convicts that I can't relate to. Yes, i tried that mulitple times in hopes to find a sponsor I could connect with. There is absolutely no help for adderall addicts in San Diego unless you fork out a shitpile of money for rehab. But then, I found this website & it inspired me on an whole another level. Mike's words had me captivated and I just spent the last 4 hours of my comedown reading. I took snapshots on my phone of paragraphs that made my heart pound out of my chest because it gave me a glimpse of hope. Mike, whoever the hell u are... You just changed my whole perspective of quitting. You reminded me that I'm dying inside to live. I miss living. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I miss me. But what really sunk in is that you promised I'd find myself again over time & that this battle can win the war. I believe u. I'm ready. I can do this. I QUIT.

REPOST Hey heyyy. I'm a 24 year old chick in SD. Before I tell my story, I will warn y'all that I'm having a comedown from my "last" adderall. Again. Hopefully a reminder to somebody out there as to why you're on the journey to being sober. Been on it for 5 years without a prescription because I don't trust myself to have one. I'd pop them like skittles. The fact that I have to go out of my way to buy them off others is probably saving my life. My tolerance is extreme... I can easily take 120-150 milligrams on a good day when my friends or boss gets a refill (I countdown to the doctors appointment day). In a sick twisted way, I can appreciate my friend's being in love with addy like me so they can never spare enough. Hey, they're probably saving me from an overdose? Oddly enough, I am the one who introduced these pills to my clique because I wanted to share the magic with them. That's my number one regret. It started as a homework drug (straight A's yet I've always been a C average kinda gal). Then, I became dependent on it to party with my girls because drinking makes me tired. And now I never black out from pounding too many shots! Plus, it cures a hangover. But, In all reality, the addy is ruining our fun girls nights out because we spend hours perfecting our makeup and hair that we don't even make it to the bars till 1130. Since when did we care this much?! For Facebook pictures that we will spend hours cropping and filtering?! PATHETIC. I miss letting loose & being comfortable in my own skin. Grades, party, and oh yes!!! We do addy to get shit done! One of our favorite activities these days is cleaning the fuck out of our apartment. Every cupboard is organized... Not like u

Hey heyyy. Before I tell my st