Alliee
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Posts posted by Alliee
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I have a feeling you will... but I am not really experienced. I just have a few questions. What is something you are passionate about? Something you want to do all the time? Is there a book that you love, or anything you love to read? Also, what is your current situation? do you have a job that you will have to go to while you go through withdrawl? Also, how old were you before you started taking adderall and what were you like?
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Sure.. it's about 14 pages long in a word doc.. I just copy and pasted it. Do you want me to send it to you?
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triple post... sorry! My computer is playing tricks on me.
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You know? your situation is easy. You need to call the dr. and tell him never to write you a script again. If you really are having this much trouble quitting on your own after two months... do you think you can do it? Just cancel the script. Tell everyone around you that you can't take it anymore and then never take it again. You have to be strong. You still have a lot of natural strength left.. the only thing you dont' have is the terrible experience from adderall that most of the longer using members have... that is going to make us quit. You don't have the huge nagging unnatural problems that we have yet. You have the same old problems that you have dealt with your whole life... and that the people who know you expect from you and love you anyway for. I wish I could have those normal, natural, familiar problems back. Just stop taking the medicine. You have it so easy, I'm honestly happy for you.
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You have only been taking it for two months? You don't know how lucky you are.
I'm assuming youre worried because you fear your business is about to crash and you need your old mind back and can't afford to stop taking adderall for a week?
Are you sure you couldn't postpone something? I really think you need to just stop taking it. You are so close to having your old brain. Adderall, over long term, permanently fries dopamine transmitters, depletes skills you have built on for your entire life, and just ruins the coping strategies that you have taken years and years to develop without even knowing it. After two months... you still have all of that stuff. You are just so lucky. STOP taking it!! It is really bad. In a few years you will be nothing but frustrated and angry and pissed off and you will realize that all of the good things in your life that you worked so hard for dissappeared subtly without any warning. The things you got just by being you for your whole life, things you were admired for.. are not only gone.. but forgotten... you knwo that saying, it's not how you start, it's how you finish"? Well.. even my closest friends and my sister don't even remember how I used to be. When I am on adderall they treat me like crap. Adderall is so evil. It really is. It will do really good things, but something equally bad will result because of the same event. It effects the people close to you negatively. Your popping a pill prevents you from playing your role in their lives.. i've seen it happen in my life... I am a problem. People around me don't realize it but I know what i should be/could be doing for them.. and would normally be doing... and I see what they are doing because I am not there.
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Mike, thank you. You took some of my pain away. how did you do that? I think Im going to try to get some sleep. Thanks for the comforting words. I feel like smiling. You're a blessing to the world.
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someone please find me and set me apart
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I am sitting here crying and listening to Coldplay, Fix you. Just sent these two texts.
To my ex boyfriend:
"Really am sorry things were so difficult when we were together. I promise I don't normally fight like that and I was a different person on meds. It seems like you've fond what you're looking for. Happy for you."
To my sister:
"Really sorry for the way I acted on Adderall"
As sappy as I am right now...
"Tears stream, down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace."
^yes, that's a fact^
I'm just listening to it over and over. It hurts to much to not have music on. (I'm such a weak person right now)
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Are there any other's out there with Innattentive ADD? I took Adderall for three years. It ruined my relationships. I'm so happy to have this place to vent.
I am normally a great girlfriend, but I had two rocky relationships since I started Adderall (very unlike the ones I had before the pill). I constantly was worried or analyzing non-sense. It's a very long story. But, now that I'm sober, I realize how crazy I've been. I want the three years back. I would be doing much better.
I'm supposed to pick up a refill of Adderall tomorrow... I might take it....
so that I can clean my room... do my laundry... etc.... (just one last day?)
The reason I don't want to take Adderall is because my relationships suffered tremendously. My little sister was my BEST friend. I loved her with all my heart and vice versa. But now I sometimes don't like her. She treated me like a different person on Adderall because I was a different person.
I did not deserve to have one of the most meaningful and important relationships in my life destroyed[ like that........
If you read this could you let me know? You don't have to respond. Sometimes I just feel ignored by others in my life.
Does anyone have ADHD and depression?
What if I'm going to an ADHD specialist in a week. What if he decides to put me on medicine again?
I just want the old me back.... even though the old me needed a lot of work as well... things are just so uch worse I guess. -
Fix you is a good one. But, it makes me cry. I was robbed of the opportunity to have a wonderful boy fall in love with me. I fought to much.. (i'm not a fighter though) but with adderall I made things awful for our relationship... and he tried so hard anyway. I eventually broke up with him. He is now dating an adorable, happy girl. And I'm here in shambles, devastated by what I've become in these last three years since starting medicine.
My ex bf would have been there for me like the lyrics of "fix you" describe. I'm 25 now.. will anything that wonderful come my way again? I'm guessing no... I think that's the punishment I have to endure because I took adderall with hardly any breaks for three years...
I know I missed out on so much. It's depressing. I'm so depressed now.
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I am new to this, so i am just going to tell my story.I know I need help, and I am hoping someone can offer it to me. I started taking adderall back in 2009, originally because I thought it would help me with school. I was working towards getting my bachelors degree in photography.I was in a very abusive relationship at the time, and very depressed. I met this guy, and my life began to spiral downwards.to make a long story short I moved in with him and another couple, who i later found out where drug dealers. I recognized that the environment I was in, was not for me at all.Since I was tired of being labeled as the "stuck up, prissy" girl, I gave in and did cocaine. I did not like the way it made me feel, and who i was becoming. I quit this cold turkey, and thought my battle with addiction was over. Little did I know I would become addicted to adderall, and oddly this was way worse then cocaine. I know and recognize it, but I just can not stop it.When I started taking it, I was surprised at how easily my doctor gave it to me. I now wish he would have asked me more questions or made it a little more difficult at the time. I was actually diagnosed with ADD as a child, and never liked to take medicine. I figured that I was becoming an adult, and I should do something about my concentration.I got away from one mess, just to get into another. I have always been a very determined responsible person, seeking to further myself in every way possible. I started on 10mg, which now that I think back on it I am amazed at how well it worked for me. About 6 months later, I noticed I had lost 15 pounds without trying and I was happier then ever. I noticed after a while on the medication, I could not sleep. Then I started taking the occasional tylenol pm to go to sleep at night, because my mom would always supply me if I needed any.Now, I can not sleep if I don't take it. I know it is physically possible to sleep, but I just can not stand the agonizing hours of trying to fall asleep without it. Adderall has ruined my life, I am miserable and it does not even help me anymore. I slowly over the last year went from 125, to now the heaviest I have ever been at 145. It seems as though my body does not even respond to adderall anymore, and actually I can still be tired after taking it. I am now up to 30mg 2x a day, which ends up leaving me moody and unfocused.In the morning it helps me a lot, but then my second dose just makes me very crabby.I do not understand what is causing this, and I have begged my doctor to give me adderall xr.(only because i am weak and thought switching meds and having them work, was better then stopping) I have been struggling for a long time, because I thought "why take these if it is not even helping me focus, and I have now gained weight." I know I am addicted, because I can not go one day without taking my pills.I wake up in the morning, and my first thought is where is my bottle. That is truly sad to me!!My problem is, I moved across country and I am working and going to school. My family doctor back in Illinois, still writes me prescriptions and my mom pays for them and sends the bottle to me in the mail.(btw I am 27) I have told her many times about my problems, and even tryed making the excuse I could not afford them. Which is why she then started paying for them(so much for my excuse to try to stop) Yet she still thinks that this junk actually helps me, even though I have told her how miserable I am. I have been trying to think of ways to quit, and I have not found any good ones. I am scared that I will get fired, and if i can not imagine gaining anymore weight.It took me so long to get this job after losing another, I do not know what i would do if i lost it. What use am I having my close to dream job, when I constantly hate going in(which i know is my medicine making me that way) I know my mom will keep sending me the prescription, so i have to take a stand. It feels impossible to do though, even though I want to just flush my pills down the toilet right now and just tell her to never send me them again. Which would be great because if she does not send them, I have no way to get them out here in Nevada.I am tired of spending my days as a walking zombie,who can snap at any moment.No one really wants to hang around me, or I just think that these days. I have to force myself to sit down with my roomate, even to watch a half hour t.v show. My mind is constantly thinking and worrying about things I need to get done.(which btw I spend half my time worrying and not much time getting things done anymore) I have become so distant from everyone, I barely even go anywhere. I stopped going to school this quarter, which was the last straw for me. I love photography, and I just do not care anymore..I want to be creative but my brain just won't do it. I begged my roommate to help me many times, but he just does not get it.I need help, and I need it bad. I was wondering if I should maybe request like 4/5 days off work so I can go through the "lazy" period. Since I am a wedding photographer, and I can not really be lazy because then the wedding would not get shot. I am at my last rope, and ready to change now! Someone please help me with my first step, can you help me understand what I will experience the first day? And will flushing my pills make it harder or easier for me?I want to smile again, I want to actually feel again, I want to mainly relax again...
ugh, exactly me. I don't care anymore. I don't care about relationships. I don't want to hang out with anyone. I'm just a shell.
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I feel so incredibly low. I want to die. I don’t ever want to take care of achild because I would cause them hurt and pain no matter hoow I tried to do this differently. if my child were troubled I would blame myself and i couldn’t take that on my own.
i think adderall ruined my life for sure. i’ve never been suicidal. i do want to die but i can't do that to my family.
i have done disgraceful things in the last three years. it is not fair. i’m sure the company knows this is not a good drug for some. people say it is evil. that’s the word for it when you’re talking about my life. i lost my character completely. completely. i feel nuts writing this. why can some take the drug and be ok?
this is a “situational†problem and maybe a brain chemistry problem... that has been overblown majorly by adderall. I was ok before the drug, I was much, much, better off. now that i’m not taking it i look around and have damaged everything in my life. shambles, corruption, self destruction. on add forums there is a thread that says, “share your adderall success stories†this thread is misleading. The only reason to start a thread like that is because there have been complaints. these aren’’t minor complaints... my problems are devastating. i have caused so many terrible things to happen to people, just by being a part of their lives in the last few years. this is not me. Adderall was one of the worst mistakes i’ve ever made.
I've ruined two relationships, the side effects were out of control, i didn't even know they were there or that they were possible sideeffects. i had a psychologically adverse reaction that was more extreme then I ever could have grasped on my own.
help... i am supposed to pick up another bottle tomorrow. i am afraid to cancel a perscription... i'm supposed to start a teaching aide job in two months. should i take it? the whole world thinks im doing human resources.. i have switched a ton in the years while on adderall and everyone in my small town thinks differently of me. my character is gone. my reputation is ruined. people used to love me and want to be like me. now i'm a train wreck, three years later. what did this drug do to me,... it can't be fixed. please respond. please help.
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I wrote this letter to Shire. I was on 20 mg XR for a two and a half years. This past month I discovered IR, and have been more of my normal self. I think I had some withdrawal symptoms on Friday. I found myself hysterical in the middle of the night and feeling really scared and upset after adderall had worn off for the day. This had to do with a scary man at work that I was not really phased by because of the Adderall "numbing" zombie like effect. It's important for people to have normal reactions, and adderall takes that away. Here is the letter I wrote in the middle of the night because I just realized that Adderall's manufacturer, Shire, funds the research done by all of the best doctors and researchers in our country. I'm talking, Yale, Harvard, Mayoclinic, everyone. No wonder the best treatment for ADHD includes "medicine" and not really any "skills" yet. Ugh. So wrong. Common sense tells me Adderall is not right. However, I do have the Innattentive type of Attention Deficit Disorder. So, maybe this is why I am not reacting well to Adderall (I just realized this yesterday). That all being said, I still take it. I want to get off of it and my parents are going to help me. I had a strange panic attack on Saturday in front of them. After the one I had on Friday night. I will tell all about this later, but here is the letter I wrote when I was hysterical friday night. This is not like me. I sent this to Medinfo.org... probably not even the right place, but I had just sent them in inquiry about the effects adderall has on my brain (not just the good stuff...i.e. frontal lobe light up). But also the bad stuff. I asked what it dimmed down? And what permanent effects it had. I did not get a clear answer. Only scientific writing. I will write more on the subject later. Wish I could do it all day and get to the bottom of it but have to go work at my dad's office.
Thank you. What I'm about to tell you all is so tragic for me and it's the truth. No one knows the terrible things that have happened to me as a result of the way my brain has changed because of Adderall. I'm just a 25 year old girl. I was on it for three years. I have had more lows than ever before but it's all been gradual. One of the many of my issues is that I don't have the same boundaries. I work at a dr's office as office staff. There was a patient there today who was the scariest man i've ever encountered and his movements and intense stairs at me make me sob now that the adderall has worn off (12:25 am). But when I was in the office I didn't even care. I still waved goodbye to him and flashed a big smile at this man. The effects of adderall get worse in this situation. Looking back, only now do I realize there was more to it. A lady who I work with who is nothing but happy all the time, even when her mother died, she was strong, but today there was something really wrong with her. Looking back I realize that she could see in the reflection of the picture what was happening, that's why she was so sad today, and she realized that I flashed a huge smile at him anyway. She thinks there is something wrong with me. There is. It's adderall.
Do you realize that this is just a day in the life? This is not an e-mail I saught out to send because this happened. This kind of strange thing, and many other kinds of strange destructive things have been happening to me for three years since I've been on this drug. I got another e-mail in response to one I had sent a few days ago, and as I lie in my bed, crying, again, at something new and crazy that I experienced, I remembered I still had google up, so I decided I'd write it all down.
To protect my e-motions from you all. I'm just going to go ahead and say, that I know I will only get a generic response, and you will keep making your millions and giving grants, when many good, unsuspecting, trusting, healthy, people have had their lives turned upside down because they have an already confusing disorder that's treatment has been taken over by your company. It's irresponsible. It's destructive. It's evil. So many people that love me and depend on me are numb towards me. They think they've done something wrong to make me as strange as Ive become, suddenly, and gradually, in these three years. Not being able to put a finger on why is your companies fault. It is your responsibility to explain in normal, every day words, EXACTLY EXACTLY EXACTLY WHAT THE CHEMICALS ARE DOING AND/OR HAVE DONE PERMANANTLY TO MY BRAIN. Every good person knows this.
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I've been taking adderall for three years. I am not 25 years old and look back and realize that I would have been better off in life had I not taken it. I am still "looking" for the perfect career, while all of my friends already have been working 9-5's mostly since they graduated from college. I would not have been comfortable in the situation I am in now had I not been on Adderall. I would have worked harder and pushed myself to have a more normal and expected lifestyle for my age.
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I take adderall all week, then don't on saturday and sunday. I sleep the day away on Saturday. I hve trouble sleeping, but can sleep, get out of bed just to walk downstairs and get food, come right back up and fall asleep again and not wake up until the next morning. I am just so exhausted after a week of adderall and work, and then not taking it.
I want to get off of adderall but I'm scared to. Will post more later.
Mike- thank you. We are lucky to have this site.
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More Confused than ever using Adderall
in Tell your story
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Good. I'm happy for you. I know a girl that started taking adderall in jr high because she was getting into trouble too early for her age. She stopped getting into trouble.. but the girl is not happy as a 26 year old. She is snappy. She has had a bf for a long time.. they get in long drawn out arguments (sure sign of adderall). The poor unmedicated guy. Also, she "works" so hard.. but to no avail. I think life is all about relationships and being who you are and contributing that way. none of her co workers liked her.. and although she did a ton of work for the gym that was a start up company, she got nothing out of it and is now transferring jobs. She always said her boss was going to get her in the best business school ever, but that never happened. If your heart isn't in the work (which with adderall it isn't.. you will have problems). Yes, you will go through hard times without it.. but at least a business won't be built on fake, generic adderall work (which isn't the best quality and clearly lacks that something special that you have that probably contributed to the idea for the business anyway). Stick through the hard times on your own, without adderall. With the adderall you wouldn't build skills, and the medicine would inhibit you when you are making important, emotional decisions, by taking your emotions and making them numb, too aggressive, or too artificially confident for the situation.
That's my opinion. That being said.. there is one girl on here who took adderall for ten years. only her bf of five years knew she took it. She said she moved up the ranks in the corporate world for those ten years (so it did work for her) but now she doesn't know what to do and feels trapped, because she knows she couldn't be respected by the higher ups without adderall. That situation isn't worth it, I think.
Finally, with adderall, I often feel dead inside. I never had that feeling. I always felt love for my nearest friends and family... but with adderall I don't have as much emotion. I have inattentive adhd, and adderall made me feel antisocial. and not to mention, I got ticks, my skin isn't as glowing, and my hair thinned. I'm not as healthy as I was. there are a toon of other problems I had with this but I won't go on here.