ashleylokus

hello all, I just stumbled upon this website through an article online and I am so happy I did. I need advice mostly: I am currently looking for support in quitting Vyvanse which I've been taking to help my binge eating. I am mid-semester in my masters program and things are crazy busy. Does anyone know the timeline I might be totally not functional? I have midterms this week and then may be able to have 3 days with less assignments. I am additionally wondering if there is anyone here that has taken vyvanse specifically for binge eating. that's been the biggest thing stopping me from going off of it. I had every intention of taking a vyvanse holiday today but then the hunger pangs kicked in and I have these weight loss goals so those pop into my mind and kind of overshadow everything. ED/ stimulant history: I have a history of an eating disorder since I was 13 yo sometimes restrictive but usually binge eating disorder. Its been moderately managed the past few years but its been really hard the past year. August of 2021 the weight gain and eating felt unmanageable and I went on Adderall. I knew it would probably help me stop eating so much/ lose weight. I never really cared about the focus but I am in a rigorous masters program so it was a plus. I quit after a month because I felt myself super dependent already and knew that if I didn't in that moment I never would. That time it was the beginning of the semester and I had a lighter workload. I have tried other weight loss / safer meds for binge eating but they haven't been successful. I truly would rather take anything other than a stimulant but it was a last resort due to helplessness of the eating disorder. Fast forward to present: 2022 January, Feb, March - were all horrible eating disorder months. I tried everything working with my psychiatrist to find meds that might help, and am also in therapy. once I hit a certain weight I basically become helpless/ am basically willing to do anything, even if it means stimulants. So beginning of April 2022 (so about a month ago) I was prescribed vyvanse, and have been taking it since. Unlike Adderall, its much harder for me to take break days because my cognitive side effects are stronger and I am so worried about eating. I am also at such a critical point in my degree that it seems like each day I have to be at the top of my game (which also does NOT include being strung out on stimulants). BUT I have midterms this week, and assignments almost every week. on days I don't have class, I am in a clinical setting where I feel that I can't be crashing and can't form a proper sentence because I can't think straight. For some reason I feel that quitting vyvanse will be worse because my break days already been difficult/ so haven't taken any. so that's my biggest question: how do y'all take breaks from your normal lives to quit? (side note: I'm actually doing worse in school because I just spend too long on a single thing when I have so much to do--- another reason I really want to quit) In honesty my eating disorder wants to stay on it. but truly I am terrified about where my life will be in a few months if I do. I generally don't believe in easy fixes - but rather when something is given something is also taken. with stimulants something is given but SO much is taken and my brain is my livelihood so I greatly fear for longterm consequences if I don't change my behavior today. Things haven't been the best of late-- I guess last time when I went on Adderall I noticed immediately that things were slipping. This time its going from bad to ... bad. Because my mental health already wasn't great, my eating disorder, I'm drowning in school work, and have no social life because of it. So it feels like I need to remember why want to choose the better path. I have come across people via various forums that have used vyvanse to manage their eating disorders, but I am wondering if there's anyone that has struggled with eating disorders and quit anyway and their experience.