Was prescribed 40mg for 3 years, and began progressively abusing during the pandemic for just under a year. I ended up getting more from the dark web, and buying from people to fuel my addiction, to the point where I was taking 180mg a day, vaping like crazy, drinking 1,000mg plus of caffeine per day, not sleeping for days and suffering from terrible paranoia, anxiety, depression, an anhedonia. My doctor cut me off and so I began buying pure amphetamine pills from the dark web. I destroyed my health, relationships with my friends and family, and my lucrative and prestigious career in a public manner.
Fast forward to now, and I am 100% clean. My health is much better, I've repaired the relationships with my friends and family, and I am working on fixing my career. I thought I would show you my timeline and what helped me recover. My journey is not complete as I know most require between 18 to 24 months to fully recover.
Month 1:
-my progress was very similar to the timeline presented here: https://www.detoxlocal.com/withdrawal/vyvanse-withdrawal-timeline/
-I shut off my phone for the first two weeks to just get through things
-The worst part for me was the clouded and disorganized thinking...I couldn't express things or even think straight for 5 seconds...it was terrifying
-The negative self talk was insanely hard to avoid and was the second worst part
-I was a real asshole and had terrible mood swings, extreme anger to extreme fear, to extreme guilt...because of this, I could not work or be around people for most of this period and was terrified to be in public
-spent most of my time just watching tv, going on the internet, and sleeping
Month 2-3:
-I started taking edibles everyday and it made the process easier
-I am not a marijuana user, but the marijuana made me much calmer, happier, relaxed, and stopped me from any public outburst I might have...I pretty much stayed out of trouble and avoided confrontation when I was high and that made me feel safe...knowing I would not get into a dangerous situation
-I got into interior decorating and it was a great distraction (I'm a dude btw). I would have an edible and go into Ikea, winners, marshals, home sense, bed bath and beyond, and start decorating my place after watching youtube videos
-I still had almost no energy, and would need to sleep 10- 16 hours a day and suffered from crippling anxiety, depression, anhedonia, but it was decreasing over the months. I was not happy at all, but had small periods where I was not miserable.
-I still spent most of my time just watching tv, going on the internet, and sleeping
Month 4-7:
-I started taking wellbutrin, and every month kept getting progressively better
-I began cleaning cleaning my place, cooking, decorating, making plans with friends, slowly decreasing my consumption of alcohol, marijuana, nicotine
-My depression went away completely, my anxiety got better, my anhedonia went away, and I started feeling happier by the 7th month (approx 12 weeks of wellbutrin)
Months 8-9:
-rollercoaster of progress (big ups and downs), but moving in a positive direction
-started dating, taking improv classes, moved into my own place, did kickboxing, worked out hard, pushed myself to my limits
-weened off my wellbutrin because I thought I was cured, my therapist who I was seeing this whole time ended our sessions because she said I didn't need them anymore
-crashed an burned because my depression returned, anxiety was high, started abusing weed and alcohol, dropped out of my activities
-because I was tracking my progress though a calendar, I realized it was because I stopped taking wellbutrin...also because I got to cocky and stopped taking care of myself
-I also realized that with PAWS, you will still have flair ups of withdrawal symptoms randomly that could last for a few days/weeks
-I went back on wellbutrin, and struggled to keep things together...I created a world that was hard to manage...fortunately, I got covid and used that as an excuse to get away from people for three weeks while the wellbutrin started working and I weened off alcohol and weed...I quit all my activities, stopped dating, and just went back to watching tv and going in the internet
Months 10-12
-I got my life back together, but I'm not as extreme as I was before...I was also very cautious in doing big things because I know that I still need time to recover
-depression is gone, and I have little anxiety
-I have a girlfriend for the first time in my life and things are going great with her so far
-as of now, my focus is still not great, neither is my motivation, but I anticipate things will be better over the next few months
-my mental fortitude is insanely strong: I have no problem stopping alcohol and weed for months (I used to struggle with this), I can control my negative self talk, I have no mood swings, I can take negative news easily, my social life is good, and best of all....I am not nearly as hard or critical of myself...I struggled with perfectionism all my life and I am finally managing that
-my mood is more stable now than it has ever been
Tips:
-know that there is nothing you can do, only time can fix the majority of your brain
-BE KIND TO YOURSELF: everyday you do not use is a huge victory...even if you did nothing, another day without amphetamines is another day you will recover
-tomorrow might not be easier, and you will probably go back a few steps here and there...do not compare yourself to yesterday, or last week...look at progress monthly
-some months you might improve very little, other months you will improve a lot
-take wellbutrin
-exercising did not help me until a month after I started taking wellbutrin... I just felt horrible before, during and after exercise
-diet did help after the first month...during the first month, just focus on getting through the day and eat or don't eat whatever
-alcohol did not help at all, and only made my progress worse
-therapy helps: I did 1 session a month and my therapist could see big changes in me and reflect them back to me
-marijuana helped me, but it might not help you
