etherwitch

I don't even know if this is day 1 or just a temporary break. I've been taking adderall on and off since 2020. In the beginning it was fine, but it began to severely affect my relationships (severe mood swings/violent outbursts). I began taking it again February 2022 because of my job. I don't get the same negative side effects from it now but I can't help but feel somewhat ashamed for choosing to take it again due to my past experiences from taking it. In January 2023 I began to abuse it and since then I've fluctuated between taking the prescribed dose and taking more than what was prescribed. However, with the ongoing shortages it has become really tricky to obtain it. Now I feel like I've been given without a choice to quit. It's scares me because I don't remember who I was before all of this. Although, adderall has positively impacted my life and helped me through accomplishing a lot it has also negatively impacted my life as well. I don't know. I just feel so lost. Today I had my first outburst and screamed at my partner and mother. I suppose I'm withdrawing. I just feel so shitty and it doesn't help that I have so much going on I feel like everything is piling up. Like if I have no control of my life.