ETigerlily

Hey everyone! I posted on here for the first time a few days ago at the height of my withdrawal symptoms. I wanted to share some of my experience and the positives I'm experiencing in case it might help someone. I truly could not see the light at the end of the tunnel for the first couple of weeks and I'm so happy I pushed through. One thing I've really noticed is when your brain starts craving the drug and you start obsessing over the though of taking it, it makes withdrawal symptoms appear much worse. If you can push through that, it really does get better. I let myself be really lazy for the first couple weeks...I've never allowed myself to do that before and although I fought feelings of guilt the whole time it definitely helped me. If it's possible for you to do that, do it. If not, just be really kind to yourself. Everything will feel hard. This is not a small feat and some people are never able to get off of these drugs. Every day is a win. The first 2 weeks/16ish days I felt completely numb. I wouldn't even call it depression, I just didn't care about anything. Everything was uncomfortable and nothing felt good. I just looked forward to going to sleep every night. I don't feel extremely motivated now, but I'd say my natural dopamine is back. I feel much happier and more lighthearted. I think the biggest change is how much more present I feel. Everyone around me says I seem completely different. I actually enjoy spending time with people now, I'm not rushing to get home and complete the next task and be in my own world. I'm not so stressed about the future. I just feel so much more like myself. No "zombie" mode. I have lulls in the day and then I have moments of feeling better. I used to be SO impatient before. When you glorify how you felt on this drug, it's easy to forget how agitated and impatient it makes you, which is just a different form of suffering. It just feels like I'm actually living life now, even when I'm doing humdrum boring things all day like going to the grocery store and cleaning and sending off emails. I honest to god never thought I could enjoy reality without this drug, and I am so grateful I've pushed through to see the light. I do exercise every day. I never want to, it always sucks at first, but it makes me feel better. I think the key to living without this drug is knowing that you're not going to feel motivated at first and you just do it anyway. All you have to do is start. I promise that the feeling of accomplishment in a sober brain feels better than the drug induced motivation to do the task in the first place. I also didn't realize how much I was crashing every evening. I have always been prone to a bit of depression in the evenings, but it was way worse on Vyvanse. I had an existential crisis most nights and needed several drinks to wind down. I still have urges to drink and will have one or two every few nights, but I'm not a bottomless pit for alcohol like I was before. I've gained more self control. I'm sure I'll have some dips back into withdrawal symptoms, but I just wanted to share some hope. Reading other peoples success stories really helped me. Stay strong, everyone!

Thanks for your encouragement Teresa! I was so tempted to take a pill that next morning but after reading your post I took it as a sign to just wait. Oddly enough, once that craving reached a fever pitch and I chose to let it pass, my withdrawal symptoms seemed to suddenly improve. The past few days I've felt a lot better. Have you tried L-tyrosine supplements? I've been taking that daily and I assume it's helped. It's funny you mention running because I've actually been forcing myself to run most days even though I have always struggled with it and never made it past 2 miles at the height of my fitness. The key is running very very slow. I use the app strava to track how far I'm running and listen to a good playlist. Everyday I run .1 miles more than the last, and I've made it up to 3.5 miles! It honestly helps so much. I never feel like doing it and always suffer at the start but it eases up. Just take it really slow. It's definitely possible and will help you gain some natural energy.

Hello everyone! I've been on this site everyday for the past few weeks but finally decided to post. I love reading forums like reddit and feel like personal stories make a big difference when you're isolated on any kind of personal journey/issue. I'm so grateful to have found this website. I would love to connect with you guys personally as I feel so alone in this. I'm 24 years old, was prescribed Vyvanse and Wellbutrin at age 14 but only took the Vyvanse occasionally up until college (age 19). Since then, I have taken it nearly everyday. I knew it changed my personality (more anxious, less silly/inspired) and made me very moody particularly in the evenings but I felt like it was the only way I could find joy in life. I have always dealt with depression, but at 19 I had set up my life to where everything I did was against the needs of my soul & spirit. I was BS'ing my way through online school, living in a big depressing city, and had started modeling with a big agency to make some money and feel like I was doing something exciting with my life. I'm a very introverted sensitive person and have always struggled to make friends. I was alone and miserable. I started abusing Vyvanse, my prescribed dose was 50mg but I would take 70mg a day at times. I know it's minor compared to most cases of abuse, but the drug took up the majority of my psyche and became the most important thing in my life. I would take it every other day to combat the rising tolerance and need to get high just to feel like I was happy for those few precious morning hours. Every evening I crashed I was completely suicidal, and on the days in between I was too fatigued and depressed to do anything. This was the saga of my day to day life for 3 years until I finally discovered my true passion as a jeweler and got into the craft. I lowered my dose to 40mg, and took it everyday aside from the occasional once every week or two tolerance break day. This drug allowed me to succeed in my craft, but I was a robot, ignoring any family and friends and turning to alcohol every night to wind down. I eventually went down to 30mg when I turned 23 and have been there since. Although my side effects are much less at this dose, my addiction is still severe- I would absolutely PANIC when my script was out. Every night I still had some form of existential crisis, and my boyfriend was sick of my laser hyper focus in the mornings when I couldn't be present with him and enjoy a coffee. I was sick of it too. On May 13, I told myself I'm taking a 2 week Vyvanse break. That was my goal. I wanted to beat my psychological an physical addiction and use it only as a tool for work 1-2x a week at most. The longest I've gone without it in 5 years is 5 days once or twice. I can't believe I actually achieved 14 days. I was bedridden most of the time but managed to exercise, get a few work related things done, and feel so much more present with my family, friends, and boyfriend. In between my general anhedonia I had a few glimmers of happiness unique to anything I've felt in years. But damn it was hard. Once I reached the 2 week mark, I didn't know what to do with myself. My family convinced me to try to go 1 month, keep going even longer. I didn't plan on abstinence, but I didn't know what to do. So now I am at day 16. I feel like since then, I've felt even worse. I think it's because my body expected the drug as a reward for my hard work of 2 week abstinence, and then it didn't get that reward so now its protesting. I feel so numb. I woke up early, went on run, then got a giant coffee, and nearly fell asleep after drinking it. I spent the rest of the day staring at a wall. I don't even want to watch any tv or anything because I don't have enough dopamine to care. I can't stop thinking of Vyvanse and I worry that pushing the abstinence thing is making the addiction worse. It's like I'm glorifying it so much more than ever now. Does anyone have experience with taking it once a week or occasionally after beating addiction- just to get some things done? Is it possible, or is abstinence the only way to go? I am desperate for some guidance.