hyper_critical
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Posts posted by hyper_critical
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It's very hard if not impossible le to accurately diagnose someone in the throngs of amphetamine addiction with other mental health problems. Takes 3-6 months to get a baseline.
More than one psych was convinced I was bipolar shortly after I got clean, due to how I presented.
Thats not medical advice, just my experience. Try to find an addictions specialist and be completely up front about your situation if you decide to see a psychiatrist again.
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You're killing yourself.
Let go. You don't have to live this way anymore.
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Yes. Argued viciously against it, though deep down I knew how bad I was and eventually gave in to the pressure from my family.
Thank God. Saved my life.
Did three weeks at Seabrook House in New Jersey, then three months at their extended inpatient facility. Kicking and screaming every step of the way. Thought I would be two weeks in and out and back to work. SO GRATEFUL to have had the opportunity to heal like that early on.
Do it the right way and you only have to go through early recovery once.
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Congratulations, Danquit! That's huge.
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Omg you helped me SO much in my early days.
Welcome back! I'm glad you're alive and kicking. There's a lot of hope going around the forums these days. I hear the secret is motivation follows action, or something like that...
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I read the whole thing. Getting off and staying off Adderall has to be your #1 priority. Or not, and you can continue as you are.
All the psychobabble in the world, talking about your anxiety, career, school, etc won't do a damn thing until you deal with the elephant in the room.
You know you're addicted to this stuff. You know you can't take it as prescribed. You know it doesn't work for you any more.
I've been where you're at. It doesn't get better. There aren't a bunch of lessons you need to learn from continued relapse. Do what you've gotta do to quit and stay quit.
Good luck.
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Yes. Got off it at 24, and I feel "full strength" now at 28 (nearly 29...yeesh).
Probably been near/at this point for a couple years, it just hasn't "felt" like it.
Came across this article the other day and loved it. Think it's something many of us struggle with after Adderall: https://startupbros.com/21-ways-overcome-impostor-syndrome/
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That's awesome, Sunnie. Good for you. You'll keep surprising yourself at how much your natural self is capable of.
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This is what chemical dependency/addiction does. It convinces us in moments of weakness we don't have a problem. This is a lie: once pickled, never a cucumber. Remember that during your next and hopefully last quit.
Ultimately YOU are responsible for your recovery from Adderall addiction. You now know you have a problem. You know there is a solution. Many on here have been at least as sick as you and recovered. If you're not sure you can do it, believe us, because we are sure you can. This CAN be it, but that's up to you.
Make the decision, rip the steering wheel off, and be willing to ask for help early and often.
Good luck. One day at a time.
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This book really helped me in my second year: https://www.amazon.com/Second-Year-Sobriety-Comfortable-Everything/dp/1568382316
Whether you're "In recovery" or not, there are some good tidbits in there.
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Strong AF
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Hey Quit-Once,
Good question. I attribute a lot of my gains the last year to working a program of recovery. But to answer your question: yes, things are getting better and better. Whether that's because of additional time away from the drug or now that my faculties have returned, me taking responsibility to continue growing from here (which includes working on managing my ADHD) is tough to know.
H-C
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Thanks, and my pleasure. Have shared more over the years but you'll have to look up old posts...I don't have a magnum opus in me tonight ; )
Six years.
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Four years ago today, I took Adderall for the last time.
My mother slid three blue 5mg instant release pills across the table so I could get through the night. I couldn't hide any more.
After living in denial for so long, I was confronted on no uncertain terms with the horrifying reality that what I thought was my best friend, my lifeblood, had turned on me. For years, Adderall had been trying to put me in an early grave, but only after blocking me off from others and systematically eviscerating me spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
- At one year I thought I was a little shaky, but on the right path. I took solace in the fact that people on here said that it got even better in the second year.
- At two years, I was on my feet and doing well, but still pretty volatile emotionally. Occasionally, I'd flirt with the idea that I could go back on it. That idea had to be SMASHED.
- I spent my third anniversary in London after hiking the West Highland Way. Towards the end of my using, I couldn't bend an appendage without joint pain and muscle soreness.
- At four years, I KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, even in my worst moments, that I can't use Adderall "as prescribed" for any real length of time. I'm on the right path. I've recovered from the hopeless state of mind and body it put me in. My intellectual faculties are at all time highs. I've been lifting regularly for some time and am making sustainable progress on that front. I enjoy helping others recover, on here and IRL. I pray and meditate. Daily. I have a sense of purpose. I've rekindled relationships with friends and family. I trust that if I stay off Adderall and keep giving it my best, or at least a decent shot, one day at a time, things will work out. They have so far.
I don't have any magical insights to share tonight. There are no shortcuts. You have to work through the discomfort. I couldn't do it alone. Sometimes, all you can do it Netflix and Self-Loath/Chill. But if you stick with it, you'll get back on your feet and the world will open up a life beyond your wildest dreams.
Read the articles on this site. Contribute to the forums. You're not alone. People have been through what you're experiencing and worse and gotten out the other side clean. Every time I've felt hopeless the last four years, EVERY TIME, tremendous growth was waiting patiently nearby.
I was a slave to those devllish pills and now I am free.
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Yes, was crippling at first. I could barely handle walking into the grocery store. Got significantly better after a few months, and is now pretty much gone.
Trust the process.
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I'm in recovery. Four years next Thursday. Hit meetings 3-4x/week. Have a sponsor and sponsees. Been through the steps twice and taken people through. After struggling with trying to "fit" amphetamine dependence to the traditional model of addiction and recovery, I'm still in two minds about whether there are unique aspects to Adderall addiction or not. I really wrestled with this my first 18 months clean, but frankly I just don't care anymore; I've found what works for me.
Not sure these forums are the right place, as this site is dedicated toward quitting Adderall and perhaps not all on here need or are interested in a 12-step program. Administrators/Mike - feel free to weigh in. Honestly, I'm in two minds about it. Several on here I've known for years now aren't involved in a 12-step program, have gotten off Adderall, put together wonderful lives, and don't struggle with other substances. Several have claimed Adderall was their only problem, gotten a year or two off it, then eventually ended up abusing other substances. If you're new here, don't be put off by the fact that many find 12-step programs tremendously helpful. Maybe you would too, but maybe not. Doesn't mean you don't fit in here or can't benefit greatly from the information on this site and the forums.
If you're interested in learning more about the steps, I'd go straight to the Joe and Charlie tapes, which are available on YouTube and Apple Music, for their explanation.
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I had rhabdomyolysis towards the end that caused my blood pressure to fall from its high levels the preceding years. That was NOT a good sign...apparently meant my kidneys were starting to fail.
NOT a doctor and that's what I remember them telling me towards the end and shortly after I got clean. Don't even remember if I've got the details right but it scared the shizzle out of me.
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8 minutes ago, robthinking said:
Other benefits of this smart-drug?
Sex! A lot better, longer lasting, and more frequent sex. The fact that Adderall is so easy to get just adds to its appeal. Often, a little online research is enough for people who want to get the drug to come up with a convincing story: “I have trouble concentrating, I am easily distracted, I was diagnosed as a child but my parents did not think treatment was necessary,” and so on. Then you see a script doctor for about 15 minutes and shortly after you have your prescription. Pretty easy!
Dude. Fuck off with the spam.
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I am blown away that they prescribed you Concerta. Unfortunately most of the psych's I've looked at who are also addiction specialists don't take insurance. The gap between where the medical community and even the addiction community is and reality as it pertains to stimulants is baffling.
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FWIW, and I am NOT a doctor...I had weird hormonal stuff emerge my last few years on Adderall. They exhausted all options and thought it was a pituitary adenoma. Alas, when they looked, there was nothing there.
All those imbalances have resolved themselves since getting off Adderall. Can't point to any academic literature linking the two and your situation may be different than mine. Just thought I'd share that.
Also, there's no getting around the fact that I could barely read the first month I was off Adderall. It took some time, but I now read more than I have at any point in my life, and I think I'm the sharpest now that I've ever been. It doesn't always feel that way, because I have to work through the nagging self-doubt that I used to overwhelm with speed. But it's true. That happened by staying clean one day at a time.
Spend some time on the terrific articles Mike has put together, and welcome to the forums! Good luck on your journey.
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Furreal though - awesome post, Duffman, and congratulations!!
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Hello,
I'm Mr. 100%. I struggled like you, but now I have it all figured out. And, best of all, I'm willing to share my secrets with you for the specially discounted price of $150/month, or $1,800/year.
Buy my nootropic stack today!
#FML
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Work ethic takes a while, and I'm not gonna lie - I've had many false starts where I thought I "had it" only to regress. Keep powering through. Can't ask for anything more than your best effort.
Meditation helps. I don't know why. And I sucked at it for the first year or so. But it works even if it doesn't feel good at first.
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/headspace-guided-meditation-and-mindfulness/id493145008?mt=8
Getting plenty of sleep helps.
Planning my day either the night before or the morning of helps in a big way. I've got a Moleskine weekly planner that I can't recommend enough.
Also, don't forget: Mike is the man. Some great resources in the articles on this site:
http://quittingadderall.com/10-adderall-work-habits-break/
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Faith - Rehab is an option if you can't get through the first month or two on your own. Friend of mine who works as a civilian for the Navy consulted EAP, found a rehab covered by his insurance, and is doing much better after getting 30 days away. His boss, although surprised at the nature and extent of his problem, had known something was up for some time.
He's been off Adderall a few months now and his whole team (they don't all know what happened, but obviously noticed he was away), is thrilled he's back, looks healthy, and is once again a reliable employee.
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An Update And The Word I Fear The Most
in General Discussion
Posted
You The (Duff) Man.