Fauna Loren

Hello all. I just wanted to share my story with everyone in hope or some support or someone to confide in. I feel that none of my peers understand this struggle. Let me start I am 17 years old. I have been using adderall/vyvanse on and off since I was 14. I, however, am not prescribed. I don't even know I I truly believe in ADD. Anyway, I began using it mostly as a confidence booster. Whenever I took adderall, I automatically felt more talkative as well as less shy and insecure. My friend and I would always take her vyvanse at sleepovers so we could stay up all night and get in deep, intricate conversation for hours.I didn't even realize it was used for academic purposes. Anyway, once I found that out, I experienced with it a little more Realizing how beneficial it was for school. I mean school was actually... Fun! I actually paid attention and was interested in the topics discussed and doing busy work. I actually looked forward to taking tests. However, the thing I really noticed was the crash. I would get the most awful crashes in the world. I felt like such an awful kid, such a failure to my parents, like I was cheating in school, like a drug addict. I felt jealous of people who didn't depend on ADD drugs. I would cry over thinking of how bad of a person I was and I would just want to never take adderall again. Guess what. Next morning I wake up and I laugh about how ridiculous I was being before and I take it again. Its like a cycle. Eventually, last year I threw out my adderall stash and was forced to learn on my own but I'd always end up going back to it. This year, I spent the whole first month warped in adderall. Eventually, I threw it all away again and became myself again. I did well in school without it and even lost weight! However, time went by and I became bored with school and bombarded with negativity in my life. I ended up running back to adderall January 4th and have been taking it 5 days per week since. I finally lost it and threw out all my adderall again. But this time, I really don't want to relapse. I want to become naturally confident enough where I know I don't need it to succeed an I think I just need positive support to achieve that. Thank you so much for listening. It feels great to get that out. I hope to find benefits of quitting and positive support. 😊