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Zerokewl

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Posts posted by Zerokewl

  3. 90 Days

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Impressive grumps.  Keep stacking days , months... You stop craving it eventually somehow  yyour brain just forgets.  Stay focused on your health and stay busy.  Focus on incremental change.  You have the mindset now continue to develop the habit. 

     

    've heard Narcotics Anonymous people say that a key step of their process is identifying the reason you first sought out the drug in the first place.  If this is not done it will be the central reason for relapse.  Well clearly my laziness is mine.  It's the main challenge that lies ahead for me now.

     

     

    I never really thought about it but being lazy is a trigger for me 

    • Like 2

  4. Stuck in hell

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Welcome to the board. We have all been here and totally understand. Your posts sounds like you are experiencing some high anxiety, eat a sandwich, drinks some tea, have some water. Breath. Have a snickers bar...your not your self haha.  

     

    Once the panic has passed, take some time and read some of the articles on this site and make a list of reasons to quit adderall.  We are here to be supported and support.  Getting off adderall is easy if you know how. But right now just focus on coming down.   

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    2 years or close to it

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Not quite 2 years but close and I felt like writing tonight. 

     

    Adderall is becoming a distant memory. I've almost forgotten the rush & the long list of health issues it caused. I'm still haunted by the destruction I caused on Adderall and the people I lost.  Particularly a girlfriend who broke it off with me or maybe she broke up with me+Adderall. I will always regret all the amazing experiences I bailed on to be tweaked out on Adderall.   Guess we all have heartache... Got to move forward. Keep on keep'in on.  

     

    I really battled with depression earlier this year. Too many days I lost that battle and surrendered with Netflix and days spent in bed. I know what depression is now and when I can feel it comming in I can usually turn it around.  I spent so much of my life never fully understanding what depression was and how it was effecting me.  Being able to identify and prevent depression or minimize its impact is a skill I gained in recovery and I am so grateful. 

     

    This year I really began to put the work in. I worked on some projects that really streched my abilities. My business accounted for most of my income his year.  I had sucesses and I had failures. My business turned a meager profit (surviving) and I am learning a lot. Nothing worth doing is easy. 

     

    Looking back on this year I wish I worked harder. I wish I struggled harder, I accomplished some of my goals but not enough. I spent a lot of time being overwhelmed. Getting nothing done fretting about all the things I have to do.  I need to get organized and really get specific on what I want to do and how I am going to accoplish it.  Plan to work and work the plan. 

     

    My weight is still and issue. I quit smoking almost a year ago so that was a factor. I've exercised but not consistently and I haven't stuck to a diet and eaten very poorly too often.  Losing 30-40 pounds would do so much for my confidence. Quitting smoking has been a major plus for my health, I'm able to do so much more physically, I've been commuting by bicycle as much as possible. I'm a bit chubby but I feel good. 

     

    In my darker moments the anxiety creeps in. I'm doing my best to keep together that things are going to be ok. What I am struggling with is the ability to fully engage in life. I feel like I spend a lot of time lost in my head and not working on my goals. Some-days I lack the faith and total devotion I need to be successful. This need to be constantly busy, high performing etc got me in trouble with adderall In the first place.  It is different, I'm not punishing myself anymore, I want to be successful because it is fun.   

     

    I don't want to find work/life balance. I want to be an entrepreneur, a business owner and this requires more engagement & focus.  I just don't know how to get there. I'm trying to set some goals for year 3 but I need to be more focused and engaged. It takes me a long time to do things still.

     

    I don't want to scare the noobies, but life is complicated off adderall. On adderall  life was fucked up but life was simple, horrible but simple. I am so thankful for the last two years the growth i have experienced is amazing. I want to thank everyone here (too many to list).  I am so blessed  to have had such an interesting year 2 off adderall. I know my struggles will rewarded which makes me want to struggle harder. 
    • Like 9

  12. This was me on Adderall...

    in Announcements

    Posted

    ZK you know I remember seeing that image when I was an active adderallic, and thinking it was evidence of how much smarter adderall was making me.

     

    Now I look at it and the red brain looks terrifying!  Like WAY too much is going on in there at once!

     

    I used to look at that image and think mmmmm, red.  Now I look at the green parts of the yellow-green brain and think, mmmmm, green.  Lol.  

     

    Now I know that intelligence and learning REQUIRE rest.  For the brain, some parts rest while others are active.  The brain just can't function on overdrive like that.   It just can't! 

     

    Look at all that red ! I wonder how much of it was just figuring out where the next script was coming etc.  No wonder I slept through 2013. My brain was red lined through 2012. All that red probably explains a lot of impulsiveness and general madness I was experiencing.    

    • Like 3

  13. My head wont quit twitching?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I remember the twitches. Eye and calves it went away all on its own but I can't recall when.  All I can recommend for sleep and water and maybe some Melatonin (over the counter natural sleep aid). Early recovery is a bit of a trip due to re-calibration of brain chemistry. Some form exercise may help. How long have you been clean ?  

  15. unintentionally swapping one addiction for another

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Shows I really enjoyed on (Canadian) Netflix:

    House of Cards

    Boss*

    Hemlock Grove

    The Fall

    Camelot

    Dexter

    The 100*

    Arrested Development

    The Office*

    Downtown Abbey

    Once upon a time

    Community*

    Marco Polo*

    Derek*

    Rescue Me

    Trailer Park Boys

    Breaking Bad*

     

    * - my personal favorites

     

    Some of these aren't available in the US (though the US selection is far superior if you ask me).

    Checkout this addon if you want to access other regions (I'm amazed at what Mexico has!)

    http://hola.org/

     

    Not on netflix, but if you are comfortable obtaining tv shows by "other means" these are AMAZING shows:

    Game of Thrones (obviously!)

    The Wire (my favorite show of all time)

    Shameless (this is a guilty pleasure of mine)

     

    I probably watched all of these during recovery, since I went through the binge/crash/recover cycle every month or so for the last 2 years.  I was a pro at recoverying hahaha (it's not really funny but what else can I do now but laugh?).

     

    Happy resting!

     

    This is a good Netflix list pretty similar to my playlist in early recovery.  I would add the West Wing and Ken Burns the History of Jazz is my all time favorite for sleeping/ watching Netflix. 

    • Like 1

  16. Netflix Ideas?

    in Lounge (off-topic stuff)

    Posted

    Shows I really enjoyed on (Canadian) Netflix:

    House of Cards

    Boss*

    Hemlock Grove

    The Fall

    Camelot

    Dexter

    The 100*

    Arrested Development

    The Office*

    Downtown Abbey

    Once upon a time

    Community*

    Marco Polo*

    Derek*

    Rescue Me

    Trailer Park Boys

    Breaking Bad*

     

    * - my personal favorites

     

    Some of these aren't available in the US (though the US selection is far superior if you ask me).

    Checkout this addon if you want to access other regions (I'm amazed at what Mexico has!)

    http://hola.org/

    wow this was pretty close to my recovery list. I would add The West Wing, Prison-break (season 1 -2) , Orange is the new Black, Daredevil and this doesn't cover the stuff I downloaded. 

    • Like 1

  21. I'm new & want to quit... I think?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

           Welcome to the site. You've found a group of people who know exactly what it like to get off adderall .  Our slogan is Surviving the painful but extremely rewarding transition back to your true self .  Adderall seriously fucks with your brain chemistry while you are re-calibrating you may experience a variety of emotions amplified and sometimes muted.  Everyone experiences things a little differently.  The process can be non linear.

     

         It takes time and some days are harder than others but eventually the brain forgets and you start sprouting new mind-grapes this process can be painful at times. That is why this site exists as a place to bitch & moan and share experiences.  

    Day by day and post by post we get better and better.

     

    At almost two years I am really beginning to thrive in a new normal.  But I have changed! I don't care about formatting in excel any more and I'm no longer a chain smoking workaholic psycho.  For me I simply couldn't continue using adderall the cycle of binges and the amount of pills I need to just function.  I am certain quitting saved my life. 

     

    Your recovery is completely DIY we are here to help, advise, support and be supported.  These communities are amazing places that fill me with  hope for humanity daily. But this is a decision you have to make for you.  Read & research as much as you can try staying off the pills for a few days etc.  Make an informed decision.  

    • Like 3
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    Gratitude - what are you grateful for?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Well, good for you!  You are still moving forward. Maybe you'll make some great contacts with the new job or utilize some of the skills for your other job.  I think it's great you have a diversified work life.  Don't worry Z!  It will all work together for your good.  I am glad to hear you are doing so great. :)

     

    I worry and spin but all you can do is push projects forward.  My boss is at my p/t job is amazing and super understanding. Just gotta make the quotas and your good.  I just need to get into a routine and stick to it and things will come together quickly.

     

    Adderall basically destroyed my career and any momentum i had came to a crashing stop for awhile. I am super happy to be rolling again. Just gotta keep pushing forward and good things happen. I am so grateful for all the new and interesting clients I have.   I'm grateful for the amazing city I live in. 

    • Like 5
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