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Zerokewl

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Posts posted by Zerokewl

  1. I didn't start long ago, but I KNOW I need to stop

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I'm no expert on the chemistry thing.  Many people (including me )on this site experience digestive  issues in recovery.  When I was using I really didn't eat much at all, it was something I had to remind myself to do.  Your overall good eating habits and exercise regmine probably meant you could handle more.  Your shrink advice of wellbutrin may be a good idea, post adderall depression can be a motherfucker.  Your experience may vary though our stories are similar everyone recovers a little differently.  Keep posting Adderall is the ultimate mind fuck it will take some time for your mind grapes to level off.  Post here as much as you like, this is a really weird drug!

    • Like 1

  7. Random interesting thought

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I experience those exact scenarios.  It's like adderall has killed my ability to be vunerable anymore.  I'm more focused on what other people think rather than what I think.  I think now it's a battle of remembering that this forever.  Theres times when I'm feeling great off adderall and then worry about the future and question whether I can always do this.  But that's the change I have to make. Is remembering that this is the reason why I'm quitting adderall.  Its the hope that you will be able to conquer all your dreams and expectations without adderall.  I have to go back to school on campus in January.  I hope this time I make it.  I need to overcome my fear of studying without adderall.  I think I need to figure out what is going to make me happy from studying and doing school.  Because that's where adderall kicked in.  It was motivator to study hard and become this great mathematician.  And now I don't know what is going to keep me happy.  I hope I find a new reason and meaning for life in general.

    Adderall is the ultimate mind fuck. It undermines your confidence and replaces it with a false sense of confidence.  One of the pro's of quitting for me is I truly don't give  a shit what others think anymore. 

    • Like 2

  8. 3 weeks, will this ever end

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Welcome aboard.  What you are feeling is normal. It will take some time to recalibrate to the post adderall world.  Adderall really fucks with your brain chemistry.  The depression and  anger you are feeling are a symptom of withdrawal.  It will take some time to get back to normal. How long? It varies based on your age, length of use, commitment to sobriety etc. 

     

       You may want to consult with a doc about anti-d's the first stage depression is a motherfucker.  Anti-d's are not a magic bullet. You have to actively manage your depression with  diet, exercise and meditation. 

     

      There are lots of great resources on this site. Read the articles, poke through the forum.  You are embarking on an amazing journey to an adderall free life. The first stages are not pleasant my advice is sleep, netflix, diet, exercise and mediation. It gets better it really does. It just takes time to heal.  Post often!

     

    Try to save your semester to the best of your ability. Maybe drop classes if need be to focus on just a few. Make things as easy for your self as possible laying in bed all day is not good for depression. Make yourself do something.

     

    BTW 300mgs is a fuck-of-a-lot BE CAREFUL.  Thats the most I ever heard of anyone ever taking ever!

    • Like 3

  11. Random interesting thought

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I'm headin towards 6 months. I am doing good feeling like the worst of it is over. I have some major hurdles to overcome yet. But I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and making small improvements  daily. I am soooo much better than I was 4 months ago, I've really leveled off in terms of the depression etc.  Now it really is just working towards incremental improvements. Thanks for being so positive.  I'm going to go to the gym in the AM for the 1st time in a long time largely due to your positive posts.

    • Like 1

  12. Random interesting thought

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Blesbro,

     

     

    Gotta say man you really got your shit together.  Your posts are intelligent well written and inspiring.  You seem clear and genuine. I imagine you went through hell in the early stages like we all have. But now you are crusin toward one year. Thanks for sharing your story. I am looking forward to my 11 month mark.

    • Like 2

  15. What I realized after 6 month

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Really a great 6 month post. Congrats. I'm 5.5 months or so. The deep depression in the first 4 months was so severe.  I started meditating and walking more.  I can't say I've crushed the depression but its much less severe. I'm typing this post with a SAD (Seasonal affective disorder) light on, I was told by a shrink family friend it was of the few tried and true methods for treating depression during the darker months.

     

    Thank-you for contributing to the forum. I look forward to celebrating more months sober with you. 

  21. One Word Status Update

    in Lounge (off-topic stuff)

    Posted

    JustinW,

     

        I know exactly how you feel. The ADHD thing is real. I've heard described as "racecar brain no brakes". I get into that crazy mode of my mind racing a milion miles an hour.   Thinking I'm really not doing enough work, I start looking for new projects. Instead of focusing on the projects I have and need to be completed.  I think what we can do about it is tell your brain "Fuck off, I know you crave more stimulation but we need to deal with the task at hand. So just fuck off." Also meditaion and praticing staying in the moment helps.  Like working out repetion is key.

     

    As ADHD people we get bored easily and hate routine.  As much as I hate routine, I require routine to focus. Without it I really fall apart.

     

    When I was in my honeymoon with Aderall I had better focus then ever. I feel into the trap of more Adderall=more focus. Since Aderall I am working hard at focus again. It seems impossible some days. Diet, Exercise, Routine are key incredients. Now I have these amazing moments of clarity and hyper focus where everything just comes into place. The zone where code flows and the world stops.  Its such a wonderful place but it doesn't happen enough.  Getting to that place is what I struggle to find.

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