drewskis86

Hi Everyone, My name is Drew, and I have been on adderal about a year now. I certainly don't need it, the only time I had taken it before then was in college and that was strictly on nights I had to study for a test - but being that is was so easy to get my own script I figured I would give it a try for work purposes (7 months after graduation). I have a problem.. I can never take it correctly. I can obviously rationalize with myself with how much I am going to take, but it always ends up being more than the prescribed amount. For some reason, I like that 'zoom-zoom' feeling that I get - which is what I understand to be normal with people who get addicted. Eventually, I would run out of my script to be left with nothing until I can get it refilled. I would never feel like I was addicted or needed it to function - the strongest urge I would ever get is when it was about time to get my script refilled I would want it again. Skipping ahead.. My new doctor asked me about the 30 MG XR's that I was on and if everything was alright to which I replied 'No, actually. I stopped taking that 3 months ago because I started to take it incorrectly. I would like to discontinue that.' I would like to mention in those 3 months I felt more myself and comfortable with my life then I have EVER felt- most likely because my adderall roller coaster ride made myself feel somewhat out of control and very uncomfortable when outside of the high. Eventually the doctor suggests I take a 10mg IR tablet (something she admitted she took) to avoid the side effects, because I was not supposed to be on such a high dosage with the XRs. Here we go.. Just as I knew it would happen I get the new script and I abuse it just like I did the last one. Except this time its a far lesser dosage so I don't feel near as depleted/hungover/etc. from the drug. But still, here I am taking too much yesterday and I was not able to sleep at all last night and eventually I have a date tonight. This right here is the problem I have with this stupid medication. I am getting these weird thoughts in my head questioning whether I would be able to participate in a social setting as if I won't be as cool as sober Drew or something, but my WHOLE LIFE I have been confident with who I am and more importantly with how responsible I have always been. On adderral I am not convinced of that. In fact, coincidentally with being off adderall for months I have had the best streak of things happen to me. I moved to the big city, job was going well, I was getting a ton of attention from girls, and eventually started dating this girl in which I have a date tonight. Thinking about it this way makes me feel like shit. Because i know for a fact the girl I am dating now does not deserve a guy who is going to binge on drugs. I was letting the drugs do the thinking for me which was to take more adderral and stay up later and keep playing video games... then skip out on obligations I had agreed to because I knew I would be completely out of it. I tried cancelling this damn medication once and the temptation of taking the lower dose got me, and I should have never been back on it - or had it in the first place. I just cancelled my script for adderall (again) and I am looking forward to enjoying my life once again. I have lost relationships because of my changed behavior on this stuff, like other users have said they have had 'numbed' feelings and i did too. I don't know what I was looking for when I was typing this out.. I just needed to type it and show it to you guys, that made me feel better already. Thanks for reading -Drew