tommyblancha

The first time I took a vyvanse was two summers ago when my brother (who was then on his first or second bottle and never took them for long) asked me if I wanted to try one. Obviously I had that classic moment where I realized what the drug did and it was like I had found the God-mode cheatcode for my biggest enemy in life, homework. I loved it and stole a discreet amount before he left, which I used until I ran out, then didn't take meds again until I got myself prescribed at the end of that school year. That was my sophomore year of high school, when I realized I had a brain worth using, and upped my average from an 83 to about an 86. Doesn't sound like much of a breakout year academically, but that year I really started to like school, becoming intrigued with what I was learning for the first time, and also going on college tours didn't help motivation. Coincidentally, that year I started smoking weed 3-4 times daily, at least once during school. While I was aceing all my tests, homework that I would just take a zero on would drag my quarter grades down from the nineties. Anyway, I had taken the ADD test when I was 14 and tested positive we had just never pursued medication, not to mention I was an absolute devil child in elementary and middle school; the classic can't sit still, listen to authority, always getting suspended, etc. When I started on my perscription I loved it as much as any other college-concerned high school junior would. That was the same pers. I still have today, one 50 mg vyvanse and two 10 mg adderall per day. Fast forward to today. A week from today i'm going to the elite liberal arts school I had in mind since freshman year, spent the last seven months of my senior year soaking up the image of the cool kid who drinks and smokes all the time but is smart and gets good grades because I only had to apply early decision to my first choice thanks to the grades I wouldn't have gotten without my meds but moreso an impressive SAT (saddening, really how 4 hours of your life can be every bit as influential as the thousands spent on classwork to the person looking at an application). I've grown comfortable with my meds and gained a good feeling for how much what dosage will affect me and how it will affect me, and I've been abusing my meds for a while now. It wasn't just one day like 'what if instead of being responsible, I abused my drugs' but instead just learning the whole process of taking more than I should have on a night with a lot of work, then paying for it with the all nighter and stomach pains the next day at school, and then becoming more and more willing to put up with that. The thing though, is that in 2013 i gradually did less and less schoolwork and more and more drinking on the weeknights to the point that taking meds to have a fun time drinking became just as frequent as taking them for homework, often times both in the same night. Now obviously in the summer, short of a summer reading book and an online math course, I've had no work, which means I've just been taking them to be able to drink more, which better translates to drinking the same amount I would but never blacking out or vomiting. The thing that I've noticed with adderall and myself is how I really never 'fiend' or 'crave' a pill until an hour or two after I've taken one and I'm not ready to come down yet, which is not surprising knowing the addictive nature of such drugs. Now why I'm really posting is because looking back on the last two years of my academic career and then looking ahead at the next four, I know I need to find a way to reap only the best parts of my medication and avoid the drawbacks, and through doing so lead a rewarding social life in a fraternity and much more importantly succeed academically. I know as long as I have my meds I'll use them for partying and not just schoolwork, so I guess what I'm really looking for is some advice (particularly geared towards college life) about how to train myself to use them responsibly so that I don't have to constantly worry about running out before my next refill, and specifically how to train the angel on my shoulder to intervene when the devil on my other shoulder breaks out his incredible ability to rationalize why taking a pill right is a good enough idea that not going to sleep for the next 16 hours won't outweigh the benefit.