Hello
I have been a long time user of Adderall (~6 years) and want to quit. Although I have had a legitimate prescription for this, I am constantly abusing it to the point of ruining my life. I am a 28 year-old male (turning 29 on 11/7) and have no direction or motivation to change anything. I know that what I am doing is wrong, but I am so preoccupied with experiencing the rush of the Adderall, everything else - all of my responsibilities, schooling, finances, and social-life has become secondary.
Here is a little background, as I think that the following information will be relevant, as it pertains to my original question. When I was around 23, I was happily attending a top-40 university in the SE US, achieving excellent grades and living a comfortable life. I then got into coke and pretty much obliterated all of my academic, financial and social progress. I had wasted thousands of dollars that should have been used to go to school on drugs and alcohol. I have essentially destabilized the emotional state of my family and friends and, to this day, think that I am a victim of the circumstances. Cocaine killed me. I had stopped caring about school and ended up not graduating. After I had stopped the coke use, I was interested in Adderall, as it gave me the euphoric-like high I was so desperately craving. It was a miracle, at first, as I did not have any urge (even now) to ever touch the cocaine again. The miracle only lasted until I started with the same antics that I did when I was on coke. I became apathetic about everything, only living for the Adderall high.
A couple of years ago, my parents declared bankruptcy and that hit me very hard. At the time of the bankruptcy, I was still very much into the party scene and wanted an escape from the reality of the situation. I am the oldest out of 5, and my family was very well-off. Our house was foreclosed on and I had to move in with my grandparents. I am, to this day, living with my grandparents, using Adderall to escape the horrific reality in which I have made for myself.
It is almost as if I am manic while on Adderall, and compulsively spend money, go to clubs and get fucked up. I do work, but these jobs are low-paying, bull-shit jobs, which make me more miserable. I think back on my pre-adderall days and never would have imagined that this is what I would turn-out to be: an amphetamine-addicted loser, who lives, at the age of 28, with his grandparents.
I have a few friends, but all they do is the things (smoking, drugs, drinking and partying) that I should not be. Since I have no one else, and am too scared to deal with reality, I am in a repetitive cycle of drug-abuse and self-medicating.
I absolutely know that I have to stop Adderall if I want to lead a normal life, no doubt about that.
I was hoping to get some feed back on whether it would be a good idea for me to move away and start a new life without Adderall. I had tried to quit before, and was successful for about 5 months, and then I had a relapse. Since then, I am taking Adderall daily, while often exceeding the daily dose (20mg, BID). If I move, do you think that just being in a new environment would help lessen the addiction and withdraws from Adderall? I believe that changing my environment (location) would help with my addiction due to the fact that I will be in a new place, have no memories or places associated with Adderall use and could begin building my life where I had left off.
Has anyone else moved away because their environment was not conducive to their sobriety?
Would you recommend getting sober before I move, or just going cold-turkey when I have arrived ( I don't think that I would be able to quit Adderall until I move away.
i realize that this is a long post and appreciate any insight. Thank you and I appreciate your time.