bragnar

Yeah what I really want to do is take my weeks paid vacation and just sleep through it but I can't do that for afew months and I just signed the deed and moved into my first house with my girlfriend of 5 years and while she really really REALLY wants me to quit I get the feeling after day 3 of zombie me she's gonna get a bit bitter about it. But I guess whatever happens happens, maybe in a year it'll have been worth it

Everything I've read on this site has given me hope that I didn't know I could have. I'm tired of not being able to enjoy myself without knowing I have enough left for tomorrow. I'm tired of not being able to get out of bed or care enough to try without some 60mg in my system. I haven't had a prescription since high school so I spend almost all of my money buying it from people and I can't live like this anymore. I quit for about a year once after ending up in the emergency room, but I just started drinking heavily every day and treating everyone I knew like crap because of how angry I was. Eventually I got over the fear and I'm back on it. I feel like it's eaten anything that could have been me away and the closest thing I can do is take adderall and be a shitty knock off of what I think I remember being cause that's better then the nothing I am without it. But I can't keep going so I've got 2 pills left and I'm done. Wish me luck, I might try to check back up on this next time I'm awake and not at work. Any advice or support would be appreciated