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Hey everyone, I'm on day 28 and super proud of myself. However, I have noticed that today especially, it's like I can't get my head on straight. Like i'm all over the place. I'll start to do something and then I'll forget what I'm doing. I am doing stuff but it doesn't feel like I'm getting anything done. Is this a normal feeling? I also drank 2 starbucks coffees and I feel sort of jittery from those too. Caffeine suddenly works again. Can anyone attest to this?

I think most of us can relate to this cycle of adderall hell. You quit, say you'll never do it again, but then shamefully when the pills are available you take them. We all have our own reasons and justifications for telling ourselves we need them. The important thing is that you truly want help and that is the hardest thing for most addicts to admit or seek out. For me I had to recognize what adderall was doing to me and it what it was making me do. You said you would steal your boyfriends pills. Is that something you would normally do or was it only under the haze of adderall that you did it? I look back at how desperate I was to get this drug because I couldn't let it go. I couldn't let go of how invinisible it made me feel. But then the crashes afterwards were monstrous. All those up and downs up and downs. You shouldn't want to quit for your boyfriend or even for your child. You have to find your own reasons to quit. You have to hate the drug so much and what it does to you and be defiant against it. It's a fight. It's a battle. But you can win. It doesn't help that your boyfriend has a script and is offering you pills. If he were serious about helping you he would never offer them to you and/or consider getting rid of his script altogether. You were a full entire person, capable of happiness and motivation and success before this drug entered your life. There is hope that you can absolutely attain that same sense of yourself once again. You said you are on day 7? Try the 30 day challenge. It gets immensely easier after 30 days, or so I hear. I am on day 15 and sure I still want it, but I refuse to give in. Drug addiction = mind control. You can do this!! Look at all of the people on this forum who have made it. Think about the people who have taken it their entire lives. You can do this!

Cassie you have made me feel so much better. I went ahead and emailed the career service lady at the nursing office (who I really trust) and asked her about it. I don't think its the same as having like a criminal drug record or anything like that. It's probably not that big of a deal. INSPECT is one of those programs that helps control prescriptions and once I explained to my doc he understood and was fine. I also have a legit prescription for klonipin and I'm assuming if i were "black listed" that I wouldn't even be able to pick up something like that from the pharmacy right? I'm just full of anxiety and I'm worried to death. Seriously if anyone tells me they want to start taking adderall i will do everything to convince them not to. Finally today i realized, OMG, my personality is coming back. Lo and behold, I have a sense of humor! I have passions and flavor and fire. Not worth being a robot. You people seriously are the biggest inspiration for me <3

Cassie that is a good idea. I guess I'm ashamed to directly ask them about it. I haven't heard anything about it since then. And yeah, it was totally the adderall addict inside of me acting, and it's just so embarrassing to look back on the things I did to get this terrible drug. Ive never really hated a drug as much as I hate adderall. I wonder if I can someone write anonymously to the nursing office.

It was suggested that i was an ADHD kid when I was in elementary school. Luckily, due to poor finances and my dad simply not believing in medicating children i never got put on the stuff as a child. It wasn't until my 3rd year of community college, a short 2 years ago, that a friend gave me a couple of her 20 mg xr to help me with my anatomy and phisiology final. I got 100% on the final. I thought it must be this miracle drug that helped me stay up all night and stuff. So that's how it started. Just intermittent buying off of friends whenever i had a big test coming up. Then I got accepted into the nursing program and my confidence dropped. How was I going to make it through nursing school without this magic drug? I saw a psychiatrist back when I still had insurance and told her my story about being suspected ADHD and got a prescription. But it wasn't enough...the crashes, the unbelievably bad adderal crashes, the crashes that would suck your soul right out of your body for at least 48 hours were unbearable. As soon as I started feeling the dreaded crash coming on I popped another pill. I was in the process of switching doctors, as my insurance was coming to an end and told my new cheaper doc that i had been prescribed adderal and got another script for 10 mg iR. What I didn't tell them was that I was still eligable to fill one or two more of my previous scripts, which I did. INSPECT soon notified my currect doctor and he confronted me about it. This was back in November. I told him i wanted off adderal altogether and so he didn't pursue it. I am worried that when i go to apply for my boards this will show up on the background check and it will permanently ruin my chance of working in the healthcare field. This awful drug, this life-sucking, liar of a drug may very well have ruined my life and I am in constant anxiety about it. I have quit for good now thanks to this site. I am just frantically worried that i have really really fucked up. Nothing took over my mind quite like adderall. Ive quit smoking cigarettes before and it's a similar process. Exercise and diet are the real remedies to all of my maladies. I just really need some encouragement. No drug is worth losing everything for. I wish I had never ever taken that very first pill. I probably would have gotten 100% anyway because it was ME who had been studying that entire time. Nothing depletes your enjoyment of life, your confidence, and your soul quite like amphetamines. I couldn't look in the mirror I hated myself and every time I would pop another pill prolonging the inevitable I hated myself even more. Yes this is all coming out. Sometimes i would take up to 120 mgs a day only to wake up with an adderal hangover and start the viscious cycle again. This drug should be illegal.