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About bearman

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  1. 6 months clean ! I did it. I still smoke, but much less. I do actually take vyvance/concerta/focalin once every month/blue moon to study but never went back to this! Thanks all
  2. Still clean..50+ days but trying not to crack when school starts back up FUCK
  3. 4 WEEKS CLEAN! and quitting smoking.. I never thought I could do this.. . . . Thanks everyone, there is hope for anyone to quit this shit. and do it soon.
  4. Quit on Tuesday. Day 4 . Such a painful experience but I this time is the last time. Thank you everyone. Its important to remember unless You wanna be dependent on a capsule for the rest of your life you have to quit, and the longer you stall, the worse its gonna be . You feel so much different. But in a good way. Thanks for all the help everyone I hope I can do it !
  5. Thank you so much everybody.. I know I CAN quit , but I don't feel like I'm ready to quit. Even though I need too..But I want to also quit, then get perscibed something with less abuse potential (Concerta Used to work well for a while, tough to abuse without anyone noticing how many im taking out of the bottle, adderall can be split in half to be stealthy.) Is this possible? to respect and use it responsibly ,I feel like I can , if so what would be the best Rx to use?
  6. I take about 100-180 MG of Adderal/concerta/focacil/vyvance/ritalin EVERY day..I was prescribed 3 years ago freshman year by a doctor who now has me on 60mg/Day. And It's destroying me. From the inside out. I don't feel the same. I'm losing my self, and becoming a robot. Im only 18 and now adderall has left me with an incredibly bad state of health. My nose bleeds constantly, I'm depressed, I now have anxiety which seems to have come out of nowhere. Panic attacks, I stop breathing. I lost way to much weight even though I was skinny enough. My face looks like I'm on Meth. I smoke about a pack a day because adderall Makes me need Nicotine. My heart rate is always extremely high. Ive binged on large amounts >300mg a day for about 5 days or so , until my body cant take the stress and I just collapse somewhere in my house. Ive Snorted,INJECTED(once, but still, a very dangerous option) Mixed the drug with certain chemicals to increase potency. Smoked it (After Preforming complicated Extraction process to get the Amphetamines out) Ive even used street amphetamines when I didn't have enough Adderall. one day I think, no matter how hard I can try, That I'm doomed to end up addicted to Meth or Cocaine,once it's actually available to me easily(I live in a place with little/no access to methamphetamine) I'm too scared to get off. and I DONT WANT TO get off because i don't remember how life was with out my best friend Amphetamines. I'm anxious because I don't want the day I have to quit(about 2 weeks or so) to come.. I feel like I'd be easier to kill myself then to stop. I'm scared to let it go. I feel like I'll never be the same. When I stop taking it, I get bipolar, depressed, anxious, I shake, I get nauseous , Sometimes I vomit. my whole body is sore. Ill sleep all day and still be tired....And it lasts for weeks. And after thats gone, Comes the mental challenge. Where you become depressed and NOTHING will make you happy or normal like it used to for a long long time. and im not sure I can pull myself through that. Im not sure why but I dont think im strong enough to do it ... somehow I dont wanna quit..Ive always been a happy person. Always well liked. Social.Funny. And Ive always found it easy to do anything I wanted. But Adderall Made it better. My life isnt the same anymore...My Friends all beg me to get off, I feel like I lost all my emotions, I cant do anything and enjoy it without adderal, I feel like Im already dead. But my body's still here.... but even after MULTIPLE painful psychosis episodes I dont want to quit.. After taking an insane amount (33 30mg XR's in 5 Days)and not sleeping, I fell into a psychosis. This has happened about 10 times. I hear voices in my head telling me to kill myself(which i would never ever consider normally), Hallucinations, Anxiety attacks where I stop breathing(Which i never had before) Fear that things are coming after me(People,police, the DEA, etc) The feeling of the whole world collapsing on me, Thinking that people are talking to me, etc. Ive sat in my room for 6 hours with my bottle of adderal in a safe, thinking that people were coming to steal it. Please help me reduce my fear of quitting. Why don't I want to? Before This kills me or psychosis pushes me to the brink of killing myself. I never wanted this to happen to me. I love life. I love everyone in my life. I don't know how this happened to me. I never thought it would. I never thought It was addictive. I never knew this would be the end result. No matter how much I know it's killing me, no matter how much I know its going to. I dont care. I dont wanna die, but I honestly don't seem to care if I drop dead. I guess I've already accepted my fate. Who would have ever known that the doctors and their fucking pens would have caused this? I didnt know how addictive it was. I actually used it Legitimately for a LONG time. But abused it for 3 years, and Im not sure what led to that. I guess ill never know,But thanks everyone in advance for the help.