Perullo
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Posts posted by Perullo
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Idk if I necessarily got "more" angry on Adderall, but I can say that a LOT more things pissed me off when I was on it. Maybe I've learned to sweat the small stuff, or maybe I just no longer muster up the ability to care all that much about the small things to be mad at them. Either way, I was definitely grumpy as hell on the stuff.
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Vanity is awesome. Don't ever sell yourself short for looking good.
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Welcome to the site. That is a long time to be a user - you're definitely making a brave and worthwhile decision to quit. I've just quit myself within the past few weeks, and it's been a painful but worthwhile experience already.
And I'm very glad that you decised that there is no "worst time" to start. People seem to get paralyzed by finding the "best time" for something like this, but as life goes, there is no such thing as a "good time". There's always an excuse to hold yourself back (time, work, familiy, school, other commitments...), so it's vital to see past these and make the commitment to yourself and your health. Good to have you on board.
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Seriously, this has been me for the past 2 weeks:
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Good work. I expect you are really feeling it now. Just get through the first month. Netflix, sleep whatever you need to do to get through it you do it.
Chipping away at my Steam backlog
Btw, Day 19. I can't remember ever hitting the fridge so hard in my life.
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Day... I've lost count. 18? I'ma go with 18. Week 2 was much more difficult than week 1.
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For years, I thought ADD was a real thing, and that drugs were the only solution. Turns out the real solution has been right in front of us all along:
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The day is young, but I'm gonna count it anyway: Day 8 - confirmed. Done with the first week, and for some reason I already feel a thousand times better.
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Totally agree. Giving up an addiction is effectively an act of creating a vacuum in your life - and as we all know, nature abhors a vacuum and will eventually fill it with something. It's our job to make sure we don't fill it back up with the thing we tried to get rid of to begin with. That requires focusing on something positive outside of our addiction.
For me, my new found love is cooking. Not sure why, but I'm able to do it with or without Adderall, and fills the time (and belly) nicely. Going to also get back into my exercise routine within the next few days.
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Day 4 confirmed. That sucked, but I got through it.
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Days 2 and 3: Confirmed.
Tomorrow is my first day at work w/out Adderall - that's when the fun begins. Though I just flushed my stash, so failure literally is not an option this month.
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Thank you for the support. Hadn't considered a Plan B quite yet. I'll give it some thought, but for now I think I have the situation under control.
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Day One: Confirmed.
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This is it. Last day on the junk. Planned all month for this and the day has finally come. Tomorrow I emerge sober for now, and for the rest of my days. It's terrifying and exhilarating all at once.
As one chapter closes, another open begins. I'll see you guys on the other side. You can find me in the 30 Day Challenge post.
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Agree with the first part but changing your life isn't going to lead to any sort of deep happiness, nor is it practical advice for an early quitter. Happiness comes from having a positive attitude/optimism and resilience to hardship/tragedy. Happiness doesn't have much to do with what happens to you. It's all relative to who you are perceiving as 'happier' and 'successful' than you. There are millions of happy people who are poor, have shitty jobs and have gone through horrible tragedies...yet they are still happy. You don't have anywhere near that level of resilience and insight in the beginning of quitting adderall - at least I didn't. I was frail and fragile, and slapping a superficial label on my shitty feelings was a good coping mechanism because it was an answer simple enough for my mushy brain to understand in the first stages of quitting. You gotta keep it real simple in early sobriety. Feel shitty -> depression/brain changes -> patience.
I completely agree with you. I'm not saying "just up and change your life right off the bat", my point was "get your head on straight". Doing things like making excuses and looking for outside reasons for your problems takes you away from a position of power and puts you in a position of weakness. You are right when you say that you need to keep a positive attitude to succeed. But it's not enough to just be positive about everything - if that were the case, then why would any of us be on this forum to begin with? We all have negative factors in our life. We all have problems to overcome. They are bad. They are negative. Period.
The positivity comes into play by believing in yourself and your own power to overcome these problems. That is, knowing that there is a solution and that with enough persistance, you will find it. Finding a straw man disease or disorder to beat down isn't going to solve the issue of quitting Adderall. What will lead to the solution is the will to succeed and having very strong reasons as to why you want (or in many cases, need) the success.
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Thanks for the heads up, but I think that if you've been struggling to quit Adderall and move on, it's because IT IS DIFFICULT TO QUIT ADDERALL. Period. It's a powerful amphetamine that many of us have taken over long periods of time, which affects (or affected) our physiologies and behaviors. Difficulty quitting isn't a sign of anything other than that it is difficult to quit. I'm sick of people getting glued to WebMD looking for "answers" for what's wrong with their lives / situation - when really the true answer is that your life just sucks right now (thank you to Mike for linking to this article).
Sadly you're talking to one of the most guilty parties of doing exactly that. I'd scour the internet for hour on end looking for new labels (depression, insomnia, etc.) to tag on to myself, thinking that my problems were all external. Til one day I realized (rather brash-and-unexpectedly) that all these issues were my own damn fault. You don't feel the way you do because something is wrong with you, but because there's something wrong with your life. It's time to get down to business and fix it.
This was a bit more long-winded than I intended when I started typing, but I'll leave you with this - stop looking for medical "reasons" that you feel the way you feel. Instead, use that time to look at your situation and how you can work on making it better. It'll save you a lot of time and heartache in the long run. And who knows? You might just find out that you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.
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Great post. It sounds like you were able to still make a lot of good decisions, even during the chaos of the whole process.
My embarassment for thinking that Adderall was the solution to being thin increases by the day.
My favorite line in the whole post. It goes to show that the fear of taking on a challenge like this can actually be tougher to get through than the challenge itself. Congrats on seeing through your fears - it sounds like you are doing exceptionally well.
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addiisonave,
It sounds to me like your problem stems from something way deeper than just an addiction. I think you found the right site to go to, but it seriously sounds like you need to get the help of a bona fide professional. Based on your verbiage, it sounds like you're letting your life run you instead of the other way around. What you need to do first is to get your head on straight - stop saying things like "I'll never be able to quit" or "I'm helpless". Stop blaming the drug for your problems. They didn't crush and snort themselves - I bet even your kids know that much.
And for the love of god, don't hide behind your "SO" as an excuse. Like you said, he doesn't have the perscription - you do. You have control over the situation, not him. If you cave and buy him drugs, then you are an enabler. I'm not going to pretend that I know your situation very, but I'll tell you this - if your significant other is standing in the way between you and kicking a drug addiction to a serious drug (Jon was very right about that one), then you need to leave him or seek couple's therapy or something. That kind of behavior is called abuse and you cannot tollerate it.
Now I don't expect to be very well-liked by making posts like this, but believe it or not, I speak only from a place of love. I believe in this community to do the absolute best for themselves and each other, and I believe in you just for finding us and having the guts to come clean. But we all need a kick in the ass from time to time, and it sounds like this one was well overdue.
Welcome to the forum. I honestly do wish you the best of luck and provide full support for your recovery, for the sake of your health and your children. Now lift your chin up, stand straight, and get back into the game.
-Perullo
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So it's 16 days until I cut myself off from the junk (I changed my date to July 4th, as that's the start of my weekend), and I gotta say I'm glad I decided to wait a month before taking the plunge. These past few weeks (both in my life and on this site) have given me the chance to refuel my hatred for the stuff. Initially I was scared about what it'll do to my career, but at this point, I actually can't wait to quit now. I'm sure that song and dance will change on Day 1, but for now I'm going to keep building momentum in this direction.
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This is exactly the right attitude to have. Welcome to the boards, and I wish you well.
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It's posts like these that are exactly what I need. The notion of quitting does scare me quite a bit, but not quitting is just terrifying. Thank you for this.
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brandnewme,
Welcom to the site! It's good to know that there is someone out there who is strong enough to break their cycle of self-destruction. Just remember, it is a daily struggle. But every day you get through without relapsing is another day's victory. Thank you for the moving story, and I wish you the best!
Also, FYI - You mentioned some weight control issues in your post. For what it's worth, I've had similar issues in the past, and Weight Watchers helped me lose 65 lbs., which I've kept off for 2 years. Just a thought.
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quit-once,
I don't really keep a "stash" of pills, just a bottle in my medicine cabinet. I take 1 XR every morning, only on work days. As far as cutting off my supply goes, I plan on filling out 1 more script a couple days before I quit, and immediately flushing all those pills down the toilet.
Why bother wasing money on a script that you're just gonna get rid of, you ask? Because in my experience, most pharmacies won't let you fill out more than 1 script within a 30 day period. That'll actually force me to be off the stuff for about a month, without a reasonable chance for failure. I figure if I can survive without the stuff for a month, that'll give me at least enough momentum to carry through the next one.
BTW - I'm glad you guys liked the quote. It's a paraphrasing of something that I heard from Larry Winget, who may well be the main reason I'm doing this to begin with.
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SOOO Bored
in General Discussion
Posted
I know that feel. I quit a little over 3 weeks ago and my Steam backlog has never been hit harder.