Lesson Learned

On labor day weekend I found this site for the first time. I was pretty damn beat down with a horrible adderall habit. After reading several hours, I decided to take the 30 day challenge. For months later my life has really turned around. I flushed my script that weekend and haven't looked back. My wife and I committed to getting me well. Life (all things considered) is much better without the horrible weight of paranoia, depression, low self-esteem, and dependence. ZeroKewl, I saw similarities in our work experiences and realized I was about to throw my career away. Your story really helped get me through the first month. For anyone interested, I have done a multitude of things to benefit recovery. I joined a 12-step group, lift weights, did the 12-steps, and see a counselor with my wife. I decided to use a counselor because of the advice to let your significant other know the affects of stopping adderall, which I found on this site. Some days are better than others, but the worse days are always better than the best during my using adderall days. I know I'm newer than most, but I am so grateful for the help to let that prescription go 4 months ago today. Thanks

Day 22 guys!!!! I'm finally able to post. Some things I have done to make this process easier for anyone needing help: couch to 5k, couseling, TELLING MY WIFE and using the documents provided on this site, and doing the very best I can at work. It's incredible the amount of self respect I'm starting to feel again. Thanks for all your help guys!

Day 5 going strong

4 days. Wife and I went to our first counseling session. Great day

THIS GOT ME! I didn't mention that I my story when introducing myself. On June 20 of this year I quit. I called the doctor last Tuesday after seeing a coworker studying on the drug and telling me about it. It's crazy how quick I turned Jekyl and Hyde. I didn't even make an appointment. I went straight to the doctor telling myself, "Leave, Brandon. This is bad! This is real bad!" Unfortunately, I got the scrpt I immediately regretted it, and low and behold--I was late to work and intermittently absent the rest of the week.

Day 2. Yesterday, all I could do was read this forum and relate to people like me and hang out with my cat. Today, I went to a 12-step meeting this morning for support. I told them where I was I how I don't know this person I have become. When I quit sharing, a man next to me told me, "I've been there, man." I began to cry. Clarity is happening right now and my old-self is feeling and coming alive. God, I is emotional and weird, but so nice and comforting. Thanks to everyone on here. Although I know many of you have not been as completely abusive to this drug as I have, you have made me feel welcome with your support. Brandon

Thank you! I plan on doing that! After making it through yesterday, I got a sponsor in AA since I had a prior drinking problem. I am ready to get off my ass and live life. I slept hard last night and am going into work for a few hours to play catch up a little bit. If I go in tomorrow knowing I have a project or two finished that are due, it will be a lot easier to feel like I can get things done without the drug itself. Also, some people in recovery that I know are taking me out to boat ride. It's time to move on. Tired of being crippled. The crutches are throw away.

Hey everyone, I'm 26 years old. 169lbs. Married to a very supportive/ loving woman. This past week I have seen how insane and scary my relationship with adderall has become. I started when I was diagnosed in college. I stuggled with reading and was drowning. I became an accounting major and things improved. Finally, I decided that I would seek a doctor's advice because I was depressed and working hour after hour and not making the grades in qualitative classes. I feared grad school was not going to be a reality if I didn't get some help figuring out why things were harder all me when I truly had the work ethic. I was tired of reading the same line 5 times and day dreaming when studying. I was put on a 30mg and 20mg adderall once a day. Instant solution: Straight A's. I graduated this May and started full time at a large CPA firm. Since May, Adderall has turned into something that haunts me. I was diagnosed last year and it got out of hand quick. I was so productive! Worked my first tax season and had my two capstone classes and three other classes this spring semester, surprisingly I managed to blow all of this out of the water. But quickly things changed. When I met adderall, I was a sports fanatic and didn't drink or use drugs. In fact, I haven't drank alcohol since 2011. I was known for my laidback nature and my positive attitude. Unfortunately, I find it hard to "feel" or relate to my oldself. February, I messed up and took 30mg at night to study for an exam. This resulted in a binge. Then a month later in tried to take the dosage prescribed and was constantly obessed if it was enough to focus. I started having mood swings. Also, my perspective of others became super judgemental, and I compared myself and accomplishments to other people obsessively in my head. I was obsessed with kicking butt in work and school and became completely unaware at wasn't present at home. As May was approaching, it became increasingly harder to sleep. By June, I swore at times I heard coworkers talking about me and things in my house. I became frustrated with my wife constantly because she did not understand my patterns of speech and just down right weird behavior. I was so embarrassed. This past week I told her I needed help. I called a retired doctor we knew who has been in recovery from adderall for 8 years. The only thing I could say was, "I think I have a drug problem." He told me that I could call him everyday starting whenever I decided to quit. As the week closed out I was engulfed in believing every person in my life and at work knew my situation and were against me. The worst is the overwhelming sense of nearing failure and feeling I am watching my life fall apart in front of my eyes. All I could do until yesterday was justify the uses. My wife went out of town to visited her mother while I took the weekend to be alone and get clean. Yesterday, I failed and took several pills. I felt so alone, but then I found this cite. After reading my story told over and over again, I had enough truth about my condition to flush the pills. Our friend is calling my prescribing doctor to tell him I have a problem with adderall, which is a relief because I didn't trust myself with that task. I'm so lonely, depressed, and scatterbrained. (I'm having serious issues typing this) On the other hand, I have made the committment to my career, family, and health. I am ashamed of the person I have become. I am an anti-social, fearful, excuse maker. Who have watch his friends quit calling one by one because I could care less what they are doing. The truth is I do care, and I want my emotions back. I could not identify adderall was changing me of the past six months and would do anything to rationalize countinued daily excessive use, which is torture. It is a scary addiction that tore me apart quick and made me suspicious of everyone around me. I feel humiliated because I believed every lie in my head. Thanks for your time, and I'm sorry for the choppy sentence structures. I just can seem to think clearly. I was grateful for you guys yesterday and look forward to this journey with you. Old Brandon is coming back. -Brandon