Yay_donuts

I'm having monster anxiety, depression, lethargy, etc...all the fun stuff that goes along with ceasing stimulants. I started taking rhodiola rosea and haven't felt much of anything. Anyone have any suggestions?

Hi, I'm about a year off stimulants after using them heavily for 2 years. I had always had boyfriends I truly loved and cared about from the age of 20 to 29. I was diagnosed with ADD at 29 and quickly morphed into a weird version of myself thanks to the drugs. Long story short I left my bf of 3.5 years shortly after getting hooked on pills and ever since, I've failed to meet anyone I feel truly connected to. The first year single I went on a million dates and slept with tons of guys and developed an alcohol addiction to compliment my growing stim problem. I wasn't connected in a legit way but didn't care, I had tons of energy bc of the pills and wanted to distract myself from the heartbreak I had after leaving my ex. The next year I technically had a few boyfriends but I truly felt indifferent to them. We'd say we loved each other and I'd like parts of them but I was basically nonplused from jump. Then when I stopped the pills and the alcohol about a year ago I hoped something meaningful would develop w someone but it hasn't. I lost all my friends while using, gained 30lbs when I quit and moved home to start my life over from scratch when I chose the sober route so I'm not out and about like I used to be and my self esteem sucks SO the likelihood of meeting someone great is low. However I have gone out w a few guys And dated some in the past year but again I feel nothing really towards them. We can laugh together and have fun but I don't crave their company or attention and it's freaking me out. I am wondering if my past pill use has altered me in a way that I can't connect like I used to. I am wondering if it's bc I'm still in this depressed lazy fat stage post adderall that causes me to only attract duds. Or maybe theyre great guys and my mental state overpowers my ability to see and feel the good. I've seen a lot of posts lately that mention an inability to connect now or a lack of connection post-stims and just wonder if anyone can relate or give advice or offer hope or something. I miss the joy and natural high I'd get after meeting someone I really clicked with.