Shambo

It’s been a few months and I’m still 100% clean. Telling my doctor the truth about my addiction was incredibly hard and it took me years to get up the courage. It was the best decision for me. There was no other way for me to quit. I still can’t believe the insanity of my life over the past 7 years. I’m looking forward and focusing on today. I’ve gained a little weight. My bathrooms aren’t sparking clean. But I’m not high as a kite. I’m not constantly in my head reeling with guilt and shame & counting pills. I’m alive. I’m present. Don’t ever give up. You can be free of this shit. No matter how low you’ve gone. There is life after adderall. And it’s good. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I told my dr. 7 years and many rock bottoms later, I’m ready. Finally. Xooo

Zero your last comment has me in tears. It's exactly how I feel too. Let me know if you find the magic cure.

I'm in no way undermining what you're sharing zero, I'm pissed at myself. I've gone from loser to pathetic and currently I rage at the smallest things. Sorry if my comment above came off insulting. I barely make sense these days.

I do the same thing. My current focus is how I'm someone people want on their team cause I go to bat for people I love in a big way. But I look around and who the fuck is on my team? I'm down and out. No one is here. And I'm certain there's an AA lesson in here somewhere. This fucking sucks. Booooohoooohooooooo. And now I want to punch stuffed animals.

This has me in tears. Thank you so fucking much for writing all that out.

ðŸ˜

You'll never get thin without it. You'll get so much done. You'll do everything that you've been putting off and it'll be great fun. Aren't you tired of being bored and sad and tired and fat? You've already fried your brain, you're 40 and by the time whatever is left of your brain starts to function, you'll be close to menopause and bat shit crazy so why bother? Fuck it.

I play hearthstone on my Mac and iPad... Idk a lot about console gaming and if they connect with iPads... What games do y'all play?

@zerokewl Super encouraging! So proud for you!

All 3 of you are right. I don't feel that my Dr would dismiss it if I was honest to his face. I spun quit the tale at my last appt and I'm sure he's on to me- hence why he wants me back in 2 months instead of 3 and tried pushing Straterra or prescribing 40mg of Addy instead of 60mg a day- I wasn't having that. I'm the obstacle. I'm the one dragging my ass and not following through. I was reading through my journals yesterday & stumbled upon 2 months in 2012 that I'd quit. It was like someone else had written it. I was fine, happy even. No depression or jonesing or tiredness mentioned at all. I didn't even mention that freaking pill until I casually relapsed. This whole situation makes me super frustrated with myself and living in near constant shame. Eventually the pain of using will be worse than the discomfort of quitting and I'll commit. Btw, I am reading the book @perullo recommended, "Shut up, stop whining & get a life". Lol! It's a ball buster and I'm loving it. Thanks for your input as always.

I was reading through archives (AGAIN) and also reread my posts since my quit attempt in Nov 2013 (which failed). When I attempted a quit in April, I'd gotten the balls to call my dr office and tell the receptionist to tell my dr that I'd been abusing my meds. She told me to get my 2 remaining scripts and bring them to their office. I said ok but I didn't do it. I set fire to one script but kept the last one- it made me feel safe to have it and I thought I'd burn it a few days later- first mistake. Of course I filled it. And the feeling I had walking into the pharmacy wasn't excitement- I felt numb. I wasn't jonesing. Life was going fine. It was like I was on auto pilot. I couldn't find a reason for getting the refill. But I didn't care. I recall the strong feeling of detachment... Mistake #2. As the next appointment w my dr got closer, my addiction was focused on how I would explain the phone call in a way as not to get my meds taken away. It worked. But warning flags were raised and he wants to see me in 2 months instead of 3 & is pushing for me to lower my dose from 60 to 40..... Blah blah blah. My whole point was to say- If you are to the point of telling your dr about your abuse/addiction, in order to stop him from prescribing them to you anymore, DONT CALL- tell him face to face. I realized I can't leave any possibility for my addiction to scheme. Because I'm torturing myself by always having some sort of safety net in place. I hope this speaks to someone and it helps you get out of this freaking cycle. I gotta dust myself off and try again soon. Happy Monday guys!

I've never had any health issues from stopping high doses cold turkey. I don't recall ever hearing of any dangers of stopping cold turkey, health wise. I've had quits that have been fairly smooth. And I've had quits that felt like the 7th realm of hell. I think it's mostly determined by my attitude about quitting. And Wellbutrin has helped curb excessive sleeping and depression that can come when you first quit. I have a degree in quitting but a knack for relapsing. Good luck to you. I hope she hears you and y'all get a happy ending. It can take a few attempts before quitting sticks. As long as she keeps getting back up and trying after failure, she will succeed. "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!:)"-Dory