[My first attempt to quit]

Majorlazer,

It will take tremendous will-power for you to finally say "I am done," but when you are ready to say it, you have got to be 100% committed. I quit cold-turkey on October 30th, and during the first part of November it was a huge struggle. Looking back, over one month clean, I am so unbelievably proud and happy that I made the decision to quit. I was like you, abusing the hell out of my prescription, going days without sleep, hardly eating, and closing myself off from the world, and this went on for 3 years. What made me decide to quit was because of how poor my social life had become. Now that I've been clean for awhile, my personality, sense of humor, and love to socialize has came roaring back. I don't know if you're ready to quit now or not. When you are, realize the road ahead will suck, you won't be very productive for a few weeks, but you will regain your sense of ambition and work ethic. GO FOR IT MAN! Read my story if you wish, it's titled "It's My Time." Good luck, Alex!

[It's my time]

Thanks, Ashley. It's reassuring to know that there are people like you out there who know what I've been through and am going through. I still want to contact her, but I think she is seeing someone else now, and it seems like they're happy. Back when I was on adderall, I would have thought of any excuse or reason to text her. Now that I am coming out of the fog and into a much clearer state of mind, I can finally see that if she wants to talk to me, I have to let her do that on her own. I am progressing on putting my life back together, and to be honest with you, I don't feel like I am ready to date anyone just yet. It does feel incredible to be clean from all substances for a change. The holidays are going to be tough, knowing that Megan and I won't be able to share them with each other, but nobody said this recovery was going to be easy. Thanks to everyone for the continued support. I love treating this page as my personal blog to fill everyone in, so keep responding if you would like, and I'll keep the updates coming.

Tom

[Relapse...]

I took 30 mg XR for about 3 years, right around the same time frame as you, and I have a feeling you and I are about the same age. Please listen to me, Adderall has you under its spell. When you started taking it, it was so new and awesome that you started to believe that you had to have it to do everything. After a few years, tons of benders, taking way more than prescribed, and countless stretches of days where you didn't sleep, Adderall has completely left you confused about who you really even are as a person. None of this will go away if you choose to stay on the drug. The road to recovery is rough, but every day you abstain, the light at the end of the tunnel gets a little bit brighter. Read my story if you haven't, I'm 28 days clean now, and there ain't no way I'm going back. There were some down days, especially during the first two weeks, but now I can feel my old self coming back. I've gotta tell ya man, you won't regret it. Addy cost me my girlfriend of three years and a lot of my friends, but the pieces of my life are starting to fall back together. "Get rid of your vices, life is full of real spices, that will bring you great surprises, time to stop being so lifeless"

[It's my time]

4 weeks without Adderall, and my mind feels clearer than it has ever been. I am maintaining my exercise schedule ENTHUSIASTICALLY. I am more engaged with my job than I ever was on Adderall. I am excited about hanging out with old friends and feel no anxiety when it comes to hanging out with anybody. I have virtually no social anxiety at all, and I cannot tell you how amazing it feels. I laugh everyday, usually hard. I know that sounds dumb, but I have laughed more in the last four weeks than I have in a LONG time. And, even better, I am making people laugh, sometimes hard, almost everyday. Before I started my downward spiral (see my original story if you have not, it's long, but it will provide you with some insight), I remember always being told by people that I was the funniest person they knew. During my time on Adderall, and other various substances, that side of me almost completely disappeared. Since I quit Adderall (i dont smoke cigarettes or weed, nor do I take any drugs recreationally or otherwise. i do drink occassionally) my sense of humor has returned in uproarious fashion.

As for things with Megan, I finally have accepted that I may or may not get her back, and I need to continue my recovery and quest for self-improvement just for me. I will admit, these large decisions I have chosen to better my quality of life were in part because I wanted to get her back. Now that my I have reached this newfound sense of clarity, I realize that I have a lot going for me. It is destructive for me to sit back and wait for her, and to think of ways to manipulate her into speaking with me. Do I love her? Absolutely. Would I love to start over with her, and get a fresh shot at things with this new person I have become? Definitely. But if she is happy with herself, and is in a good place right now, it is not fair for me to berate her with texts and phone calls trying to "tell" her how much I have changed and how happy we would be together. Do I think we could have a better relationship now than the one we had when I was addicted adderall among other things? I would like to think so. But only time, and God, will tell if that is what is meant to happen. I need to continue on my path to a better future because that is the right thing to do for ME, and I would have never admitted that on adderall.

28 days Adderall free, and I feel whole again!

[It's my time]

It has been 3 weeks now since my last adderall, and I cannot tell you how awesome my life is nowadays. I can finally feel my old self starting to return, and, for the first time in forever, I am looking forward to social events. When I was on Adderall, I would never look forward to doing things without being on adderall. If I didn't have any adderall, I would dread doing pretty much everything. NOW, I have essentially forgotten all about adderall. I wake up everyday at 7, go through my morning routine, go to work, go play basketball, and then go home. It might sound mundane or boring, but the people I see everyday, whether it be my coworkers, family, or friends, have so much more meaning to me. My social interactions from day to day now are so much more memorable than they ever were when I was on adderall. Meaning and emotion and LAUGHTER have returned to my life, and I cannot tell you how much that means to me. 21 days in without adderall, and I can honestly tell you, there is NO WAY I am going back to that life!!

[It's my time]

I'm on my 8th day without Adderall, and I've gotta tell everyone: I feel awesome! I have noticed that exercise is definitely key in combating fatigue, but I am more than happy that I made this decision. The biggest thing that I've noticed: zero to little social anxiety, and a humongous resurgence with my sense of humor! When I was on Adderall, I hardly laughed or made anyone else laugh. During this past week of not being on Adderall, I have been GENUINELY laughing daily, and making others around me laugh like I used to (Back in HIGH SCHOOL, First full week of my life in 5 years that I haven't indulged in any mind altering substance/drug, and I don't know why I ever started!)

Danca- I hear ya man. I am well aware that boredom may sneak into my life from time to time, but that is just life, and I am fully prepared to be bored and deal with it. As far as anxiety goes, I know I will experience some work-related stress and anxiety, as it takes me a little longer to get motivated to accomplish tasks, but as far as social anxiety goes, I think I am miles away from experiencing the amount of social anxiety that I did while on Adderall and other substances.

To everyone: Thank you for the support, and make the same choice that I did! Adderall Sucks! Move on and start to LIVE! The real relationships that I am starting to build/repair THIS WEEK ALONE make it all worth it! I AINT NEVER GOING BACK!!!

[It's my time]

I'm on my second day without Adderall, and I must tell everyone, "I FEEL AMAZING!" I think I feel so good without it, because during the last 5 months when I was on it, I was actually taking it as prescribed, and I was getting 8 hours of sleep every night. So now that I stopped, I don't have an insanely unbalanced chemical makeup in my brain, and I am not horrendously sleep deprived.

Don't get me wrong, there is definitely some fatigue going on, and it takes me a little longer to motivate myself to work on things, but the pros absolutely destroy the cons:

PRO: My sense of humor is returning quickly, and I am laughing naturally at the things that I find funny. On Adderall, I rarely ever GENUINELY laughed, or smiled for that matter. I forced laughter all of the time, thus raising my level of social anxiety through the roof.

PRO: Slightly related to the first pro, but I am experiencing a ton less social anxiety, almost to the point where I am experiencing NO social anxiety. That is how I was when I wasn't indulging in anything like alcohol, adderall, weed, other random drugs and pills. For the first time in a long time, I feel like a unique individual that others want to be around. Best of all, I am somebody I am happy to be!

PRO: APPETITE! I love food again! I know that this could turn into a con, but that is where the next pro comes into play...

PRO: EXERCISE! I love to run and play pick up basketball again! I no longer have to constantly worry about my heart rate or becoming dehydrated! I can just run, sweat, and feel amazing doing it! Not worried and stressed!

PRO: EVERYTHING! Not only have I quit Adderall, but I have also dropped any and all other vices! And the best part: I aint worried about it! I know I will have some bad days, but you are supposed to have bad days! That's life! A bad day isn't a reason to go take an addy, or pound 12 beers (Maybe once in a great while, lol) or smoke a blunt! Learn from your mistakes and become a better person because of them!

I am so happy I made this life decision, and I hope I can inspire at least one person to make this decision too!

[It's my time]

Thanks, Falcon. Means a lot to hear from somebody who has seen it all, and felt it all. My personality is extremely addictive, and I am trying to force it to be addicted to real things: exercising, laughing, conversing, connecting, etc. it is going well. Today is my first full day away from adderall, and I feel great. I know things will get much worse before they start to improve, but I am in this for the long haul.

Also, I came up with a great analogy today:

Have you ever seen a bird trying to fly into a strong wind? That is exactly what adderall is like. You take that pill and you take flight. You feel amazing, the view is beautiful, and you never ever want to come down. Everyone else is taking notice, "wow. That guy is in an awesome mood. He is so productive! I can't believe he can do all these things with a smile on his face!"

Then, after awhile, you realize that you're stuck in the same place you started flying. You haven't moved towards any of your real goals. Sure, you're still flying, but the view hasn't changed. The feeling isn't nearly as breathtaking as it was when you first started. You aren't sure where you're even trying to fly to anymore.

So you stop. You come down, and crash back into reality. It stinks at first because you're not flying anymore. It felt so awesome and exhilarating, but you just weren't going anywhere. And then after awhile, you realize that you never needed adderall to start flying in the first place. You notice that your real goals were in a different direction. You take flight, this time with the wind, and start making progress towards what really matters to you most.

[It's my time]

Hello everyone. Long time viewer of quittingadderall.com, first time poster.

I am 23 years old, and have been on 30mg XR for 3 years. My story doesn't differ from most of what you find on here, but today is a big day for me, so I figured I'd join in.

Today is my last day on adderall.

Here is my story (it is lengthy, but I figured if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right)

All throughout my life, up until the start of my senior year in high school, I never drank, smoked, took adderall, or took part in anything else that you could throw under that umbrella of what I like to call the "fake living facilitators." In a class of 350, I was voted class clown, I was up for homecoming king, I won Mr. East High (my high school's fun competition every year where the senior guys compete in a talent show to make the audience laugh, and then judges select finalists. these finalists answer questions from the panel, and then they decide on who is Mr East High. think of it as a satyrical beauty pageant) Anyways, I digress, lol. Not to toot my horn, but I loved life, wasn't afraid to really live it, and didn't care about what others thought about me.

That all changed in college when I became a full blown pot head. I tried ecstasy, shrooms, prescription pills, cocaine, salvia, etc. Somehow, I made it through my freshman year pretty easily as far as my GPA was concerned. I like to think that I'm naturally intelligent, very well spoken, and far too good of a liar. These attributes have gotten me through some pretty bleak times in my life. Anyways, just before the start of my sophomore year, at the age of 19, I got a DUI. I thought "this is it, I'm going to change my life, live at home for awhile, and get back to my old self. Just like I was in high school." I followed through on that plan... Sort of.

I DID live at home with my parents, but I still smoked weed and drank. Surprisingly, yet again, I made it through my sophomore year academically, and I even finished the year on the Dean's list! Keep in mind, this whole time I am lying to my parents about where I am going, drinking regularly, smoking weed almost daily, and prolonging any chances I ever had of getting back to the real me. However, I did join a small fraternity during the second semester of my sophomore year, because I thought that I could make a new group of friends that didn't partake in all of the crazy, stupid stuff that I had been filling my life with. This plan backfired.

While I did meet some great new friends in this fraternity, not all of them were much different than who I had become: a directionless pothead who loved to do anything if it meant that I didn't have to be sober and deal with my reality. My social anxiety was at an all time high, I felt worthless, and I constantly wanted to smoke weed. Once I got high, I would become a shell of any real human being. I would sit with my friends, in silence, and the only thing that was on my mind was how I used to be the guy that everyone wanted to hang out with because I could make anyone laugh their ass off. I had nothing to say, I was scared of sounding stupid, and I was ashamed of myself.

Then my Junior year began. I was 20 years old, and my lifestyle started to catch up with my education. I started off the semester in a terrible slump, and I did not know how I was going to make it through college without dropping out. My parents are very well off, and they were paying for a large portion of my college education, letting me live at their house rent-free, providing me food, and a car. I could not let them down. My mom, a nurse practitioner, asked me if I had ever taken an ADHD test. I said I hadn't. She suggested that I take a questionnaire that she would bring home from the office. I did, and sure enough, my answers showed that I more than likely had ADHD. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor, and I ended up getting prescribed 20 mg adderall XR.

There's Something you all should know about me: I love video games. I worked at a GameStop, and playing PS3 and Xbox 360 were probably my two biggest hobbies. I would love to get high and/or drunk and play them. As a matter of fact, I only played them if I was high and/or drunk, because they weren't fun to me anymore if I wasn't, and I was high and/or drunk everyday! This was why my education was beginning to slip, and adderall was my chance to turn it all around. Boy, did I have ZERO clue about where my journey was headed.

The day after I received my adderall, I woke up at 8:30 for my 9:00 class, got ready, popped my first orange capsule, and headed out for class. This particular class was one of my least favorite classes of all time, and I hated going, but that particular morning, everything changed. It was 9:30, halfway through the class, and all of a sudden, a feeling poured over me. I felt like I was spontaneously reborn. I felt like I could actually listen to the professor talk. I wanted to participate in the discussion! But then other things happened. I wanted to draw in my notebook. I wanted to drive my car. I wanted to try anything with this new sensation my body was experiencing! But then, the best idea came to me: I wanted to fucking play VIDEO GAMES! "I would be so good at them, that it wouldn't be fair to eveyone else online," I thought to myself. Class got out, I drove my car home in NASCAR fashion, because I felt like I was the best civilian car pilot who ever drove, and I fired up Modern Warfare 2 on my PS3... I was doomed.

I ended up skipping most of my classes that semester because of how adderall exploded my gaming addiction. My sleep schedule went haywire: going to bed at 5am, and waking up @ 8am because I had to fool my parents into thinking I was going to my morning class. I'd pop a pill, go get McDonald's breakfast, sit in the football field parking lot, listened to Dan Patrick's sport show on the radio, and then go home and furiously game. This went on for the remainder of the semester, and I only managed one C- out of my 4 classes. The rest were F's. My parents didn't know what to do.

I told them the adderall was working, but I started taking it too late into the semester. I told them I needed to find my own place to live because I was becoming restless, and that next semester I would buckle down and turn my grades around. I ended up finding an apartment near the campus, and a good friend of mine to live with so we could both afford it.

The next semester started off pretty well. I was still on adderall, still playing video games way too much, but I learned to control it so that I could get through school. I wasn't hanging out with my pot smoking fraternity friends as much, but I still smoked with them about once a week or so. I drank many nights a week with my roommate because we both loved to game, and we both loved beer. Things definitely were not turning around, but I was managing to get by in school. Then, the best week of my life occurred: the week I met Megan.

It was March, midway through the semester, and it was Greek Week. A week where my fraternity, another fraternity, and the only sorority on campus competed in fun events to see who the best Greek organization was at Morningside College. To kick the week off, all three groups went bowling that Monday night. We were all having a good time, I was on my adderall, feeling like a champion, goofing around with my fraternity brothers, and then it was my turn to throw. I walked up to the lane and I noticed a group of fraternity girls were watching me. I was having a good night, and for some reason, my personality felt like it did back in high school: care free, funny, and totally in the moment. I rolled my ball down the lane, and when my ball crashed into the pins I thrust my hips forward really hard, making all my fraternity brothers, and the group of sorority girls watching laugh. I recognized one of the girls, Megan, from a class I was taking that semester. She was laughing at my hip-thrust celebration, and yelled at me something like "oh that's nice!" I joked back at her, and I knew she was diggin me.

Later that week, during the outdoor events, I decided I would flirt with Megan. During the baloon shaving contest, I noticed that both her and I weren't participating, so I walked over to stand by her to watch our teams compete. I got my hands on a bottle of shaving cream, and started joking around with her. I was making her laugh, and we were flirting pretty hard. The next day, i asked her out to dinner. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, and I thought a bunch of our friends would be coming along too. It ended up being just me and her, and we had a great time. After dinner, we were talking out in the parking lot, and I gave her a big hug. I pussied out when it came to kissing her, and the whole drive home I kept kicking myself because I didn't. But I was smiling. I had a different feeling about Megan. Different than with any other girl that I had ever met.

For the first time during my life on adderall, something other than adderall or video games started to occupy my thoughts. The next night, I invited her to come drink with my fraternity at our building and watch March Madness. We ended up sharing our first kiss that night. She made the first move, she beat me to it lol. I stayed the night at her apartment, and I asked her to be my girlfriend that night.

Fast forward 3 years to now

I graduated, have a great job, and am happy. Without Megan, I don't know where I would be. Now to the sad part. The part where, right here and now, am on my last day with adderall...

I let my adderall addiction and video game addiction sabotage my relationship with Megan. We lived with each other, and I put her in tears more times than I care to admit, but she stood by me. She never knew how many nights I stayed up gaming, high on adderall. I wouldn't want to go to her hometown to see her family because I wanted to stay here and play games with my friends and take adderall.

We shared an amazing relationship with one another. Great sex, we made each other laugh constantly, we cared about each other, and we both wanted to be with each other forever. But then there was adderall. I stopped smoking because of her. I started focusing on finishing school because of her, but because of adderall, I kept up with my staying up all night to play video games habit.

Right up until a month before graduation, she was looking for a new job because her position was going to be cut by the college. She couldn't find anything here in town, so she took a job back in her home town. She turned down a job 3 hours away that she really wanted because I wouldn't look for a job there, and was too stubborn. Before she moved, she helped me with my résumé, and I found a job that I really wanted. Throughout her struggles finding a new job, and dealing with the pain of me not wanting to move with her, she STILL cared enough about me to help me get employed.

We did the long distance thing. I was depressed and starting drinking again because she was gone. I was succeeding at work, only because I had adderall. I still played a ton of video games, but I noticed that I felt alone. Adderall stripped me of any motivation to find friends or reconnect with old ones. I wanted to work, go home, play video games, and go to bed.

I finally started to work on myself: start working out, stop gaming, start letting Megan know that I would be a better boyfriend, but it was too late. She wanted to break up. I was a mess...

Looking back, I never gave myself a chance to revert back to my normal self. If it wasn't weed, it was alcohol, if it wasn't alcohol, it was some prescription drug, and during it all, I relied on adderall to get me through everyday. I know this story jumps around a lot, and might not have the most focused message, but just know this: I am done with adderall.

Starting tomorrow, I am going to get the old me back. Work will be hard, but I want to feel like me again. The me I was 5 years ago. Megan made me feel closest to my real self, yet I never gave her a chance to get to know the real me. The love I feel for her is so real, but I never gave her the chance to see me at my best. Adderall, you have helped me get through some terrible times, and made me feel great when I shouldn't have, but you have hijacked my chance at pure, real, genuine happiness.

Megan knows I am quitting adderall, starting to exercise, sleeping normally, reconnecting with old friends, but she has already moved on. Now, I've got to do it for me. I owe it to myself, and I owe it to her, to not let her efforts in helping me grow throughout our 3 year relationship go in vein.

I cannot wait to feel real again. I know it will be a hard road, because I've been so dependent on this stupid drug, and binged far too many nights, but it will be worth it. Whether I get Megan back or not, I will get ME back, and that is the most important thing in the world.

If you're reading this line, it either means you skipped to the end or read this entire post. Whatever the case, here is what I want you to take from this entire story: (confusing and crazy as it was, being I am on adderall still, LAST DAY BABY!) : Adderall leads you into a fake existence. Some people need it to function, I understand, but if you're thinking about quitting then chances are you never needed it in the first place! Be you! Life is meant to be experienced in all of its glory and pitfalls! You don't need a crutch! I forget who said it, but on this website I read something that I'd like to repeat "I'd rather slog through life than speed through it on adderall" stop speeding up your life! Slow down! Really FEEL things, find out what is truly important to YOU! I am starting tomorrow. Work is going to suck, and I'll probably want to sleep constantly for awhile.

...but I can't wait for that first pill-free morning when i wake up and say "I can't wait for today"...

Thanks for reading, and if I got to talk to any of you in person, I could make the story make a little more sense. Left some details out, but you get the picture.

Here is a quote I came up with yesterday, and I'm going to live by it from now on "throw away your vices, life is full of real spices, that will bring you amazing surprises, time to stop being so lifeless"

Thank You,

Tom