annieadderall
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Posts posted by annieadderall
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"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."
You say, "how could I like myself better without this drug you grew up on", but yet you also mentioned how this drug is causing you suicide ideation, feelings of worthlessness, and depression. It doesn't sound like it can be doing a whole lot of good for you if it is causing suicide ideation. And yet that is exactly what this drug causes when it is abused. You did say you are addicted, is that right?
I really feel for you because I don't know what it would've been like to have started taking it so young. I started when I was 25 and didn't quit until I was 31. However, I can tell you all the issues you are having - I had those too. They were Adderall induced. I may have slight depression/anxiety at times now, but it is NOTHING in comparison to what I was like on Adderall. It was a rocky roller coaster ride from hell. I am emotionally stable today and it is by far way better than to what I was like on Adderall. I would go from being on top of the world like I wanted to do 5000 things all at once, go run a marathon in an hour, and then to damn near exhaustion, depression, and inability to do anything without more speed. If you are abusing it, the roller coaster ride will only get worse. You will need more and more to achieve the same effect and it will take a toll on you.
More than anything though, I just want to give you a message of hope. Do NOT sell yourself short for this drug. You are a human being and you are perfectly ACCEPTABLE just the way you are!!!! You are just as valuable as anyone else on this earth. We are humans. We are all flawed. None of us is perfect. This drug might produce results that make you feel perfect or earn you rewards and kudos, etc. However, who says we have to do or be anything in life to be happy with ourselves? If you could start loving yourself unconditionally today at this moment for just being alive and being human, how would that change things in your mind? Why must we feel we need to be superman in order to be important, loved, valuable? If you remove these underlying beliefs that tell you you're no good without it, you might have a really good chance to quit this drug that is causing you so much pain.
For me, I just want to be happy today. I guess this is something I have been working on recently and I've been feeling really good. I've stopped comparing myself to others and instead just focused on all the positives in my life. And more than anything I keep telling myself, "I've got everything I possibly need right here right now today to be happy." Because I guess more than anything I realize that it doesn't matter what is happening externally. It is my view and my perception of my reality and if I change the way I see my life into all the things that are good and keep using the positive filter instead of that negative lens, things will actually be a lot better. LIFE IS GOOD. I AM BLESSED. I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED WITHIN ME TO BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW TODAY.
Keep HOPE alive and keep moving forward!
You CAN do this! thank you so much for this caring response, i wish i knew someone like you in real life, this was a blast of grounded and thoughtful positivity and i really appreciate it
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Breaks my heart to hear you say things like, your "dull self". Your true self is awesome and anything but dull (even if he/she is sleepy sometimes).
this is so sweet, thank you <3
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I would trust yourself when it comes to what you think is best, from your medication experience and the resolve to quit, you may be in the perfect phase to find yourself happy without them. I would honestly share your thoughts you posted here with your therapist and see what recommendations she has. Especially because she seems to pay attention and have your best interests in mind. The only other thing I could suggest (and that you probably already know) is to not be so hard on yourself with the ups and downs of your transition. Exercising for now could just mean taking a short walk to a friend's house or standing up to stretch every once in awhile. Best of luck xx
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You won't be yourself for a long while after you quit, but you will never be yourself if you don't quit.
can't argue that xo
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The only way I became my old self or my true self was to quit speed. Welcome to the forum.
I think thats the case for a lot of people, How old were you when you started and quit if you don't mind me asking? I'm afraid I don't know who my old self would be xx
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"Adderall is intrinsic to my self confidence."
Seems like that statement is gonna be more important than withdrawing from the drug itself. You need (we need) to figure out how to be happy with ourself for who we are, as opposed to what we do. Esteem based value almost always crashes and burns if it isn't corrected, because it is the most delusional, narcissistic type of self worth there is.
You're gonna have to be ok with being a lazy slacker for a bit while you recover and your body upregulates all of your dormant receptors. This will be a great (and crucial) time to find your REAL self worth. I know, easier said than done. I'm still not even close to being back to my old self (I tapered from 20 mg of dextroamphetamine to 5 mg for 2 months and quit almost two weeks ago). But knowing where to start is key. I hope you find your way out.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful response. I don't know if you meant to but this actually gave me a clear goal to work for, Finding self confidence in doing things on my own. I am absolutely okay with being a lazy slacker, my confession to my therapist about the problem began because I couldn't understand how I could be on adderall and still be stuck trying to get the things done that I wanted to. I hope you find your way out of this adderall mess. xx
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Your post says you started back in May 2013, is Adderall the only stimulant you have tried? I am in the planning stages of actually quitting with my therapist and psychiatrist, and though our medication histories are certainly a lot different, I would ask your doctor about some kind of less severe medication to help you transition. Though they have been rare, I have had days where I didn't take an Adderall and with running maybe three or so times a week I was able to focus on work with the help of a low dose of Lexapro. I know cold turkey is the gold star way to quit, but it seems like you would be in a good position to try something else to cushion the blow of withdrawal. Especially while you don't have an ambition to put your heart into. xo
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started taking adderall in 2006 when i was 16, i am now 25, i've stopped for short periods of time over the years (most of 2010 (i was 20) and summer of 2013(i was 23)) but never with the intention of stopping for good
the doses i've taken over these 9 years average to be about 20mg, i've taken sustained release for the first 8 years and instant release since 2013
adderall is intrinsic to my self confidence, I've never had a period in my adult life where i felt sober and successful, every thing i've accomplished (which tbh is not much) i've done with the help of adderall
i am often in denial of my addiction when i'm not on forums like this, i had a wake up call this thursday when my therapist recommended literal rehab for the problems adderall has been causing me (suicide ideation, feelings or worthlessness, depression, etc...)
so here is where my question comes from, how could i ever in a milliion years like myself better and be happier with the drug that i grew up on? i will have to face my pent up depression and dull personality i took the adderall to mask in the first place. will i have to be depressed for decades and finally feel okay in middle age? i honestly don't think its worth it to quit, i mean it might be, but i honestly don't see how its possible.
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Blake,
I took adderall for 2.5 years and like you, did not really need it. My life was great before adderall. I became hooked and it completely ruined my life. I quit and 26 months later now, I am finally getting to a WONDERFUL place in life. Everything in my life is starting to fall into place. I had to stop going to school for over a year after quitting - I just couldn't do it. I was off in every way, my mind did not work correctly. Even at a year sober, the recovery that my brain was going to experience was JUST BEGINNING. Stick with it bud, it's worth it I promise. My life is better than ever now and I couldn't have gotten here without quitting adderall. Things aren't just going to fall into place, you have to work at it every day. Get out of bed. Play your guitar. Do things that make you happy and challenge you. It's going to be difficult and some days you'll feel like giving up, but I promise it is worth it. Good things are there for people who have the patience to see this through. You'll be amazed by the month to month progress you make over the next couple years until eventually you'll be stronger and better than the person you were even before adderall. This problem will help you grow into something better than you've ever been, you just need to have the patience and perseverance to see it through.
Blesbro
for myself and other people who have just recently quit or are thinking about quitting, how did things actually start to feel better after adderall? you reiterate it here several times but i don't see any examples really. people say things will be better and that you don't need it but i've been on it for nine years and i just can't imagine getting past the readjustment period and liking my life better at that
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when could i expect to feel better without adderall?
in General Discussion
Posted
gosh this sounds like the dream, it definitely does give me hope