whoami

Wow that last paragraph is SOOOO SPOT ON!

Congratulations! Way to Go Ashley! you have a genuine and beautiful smile, let that light keep shining sista...

Thank you Motivation! All very true statements. I will clarify however that my depression started several years ago, and then came the loss of my killer job which was way before I even knew anything about adderall or ritalin. So adderall did not cause me to loose my job, I was burnt out and depressed over my marriage. Alcohol has been the substance that has caused so much havoc in my life, mentally and physically. Combined with addy it's a recipe for disaster, (hence my inury ).

Thank you Ashley. I truly feel like I need something to cope with my depression and so I am going to seek help and ask to try wellbutrin. Idle hands are deff. the devil's workshop, it seems like when I take addy and I am busy, things are fine, but not working and being home all day, obsessing over stupid things is what is sending me into this very dark place and then I turn to food as comfort. My boyfriend created a distraction, it was long distance so when he was here it was like a honeymoon when he wasn't I got even more depressed. But I feel like my depression stems not just from loneliness but from feeling like I have no clue what I want to do for a living anymore. I truly blew it with my last job. I had it made and I have not been able to forgive myself for it and so I am stuck. I do know that I can't sit behind a computer anymore and be a robot. I need to do something more physical and interactive, but I can't seem to make that happen. Switching gears at almost 40 is scary when you have done the same thing your whole life. So I start a new job this week that should be pretty demanding. I am ready to immerse myself completely in it and be successful. I have to accept who I am and let go of the past in order to move forward because I have been in the same place for a year now and it's time to move it. I don't feel like I am ready to quit addy 100% yet. I have read now from several of you that you can't take addy and wellbutrin together but will wellbutrin do anything for my energy levels? Or will I still be going through the awful crash withdrwals and maybe just not binge eating? curious.. In the meantime I will seek some professional help as soon as I start making a paycheck again! thank you all

thank you falcon, and cassie I have never ever seen a professional about any of this. wow that is crazy. I have so many pent up issues, I most definitely need professional help.

Thank you Falcon and quite-once, you hit it right on the nail. I went 8 days without it and I don't think I ever laughed so hard in my life. I was mellow for once in a long time. Still having major insomnia though. Then I could not handle not having energy so I started taking it on the 9th day and here I am again. I don't think I have ever taken more than 40mg in one day. Most of the time I take between 10mg to 20mg. Sometimes I take it and I am highly productive and other times it just makes me a moody short tempered BIAAAATCH who will spend a ridiculous amount of time on senseless bullshit on the internet like Facebook and not accomplishing anything. It makes me think about my ex boyfriend constantly and I go over and over in my head while looking at photos of him of how adderall caused the demise of our relationship. I have been dealing with a physical injury for several months and I am an avid exerciser, or I was, so the lack of it has sent me into an even bigger depression. I have hit rock bottom. I have gained about 20 pounds and I have always had an issue with this, I tend to self sabotage. Have done it my entire life. When I am doing well I am flying high and then when something goes wrong I tend to dig an even deeper hole. What's that saying when you are in a hole STOP DIGGING! well I have not learned to do that yet. I am self destructive. In the last two years I left my husband, lost my job of over 15 years, and sold my home on a short sale. Then I lost my other job due to depression which I have never seeked help for, then found adderall and ritalin took it on ad off (a friend gave me an old script) got a new job, found adderall again and then got it prescribed to me. So been on adderall consistently since May. First week kicked ass in my sales job was flying high and had endless amount of energy at my night job. ( single mama I work 2 jobs so this drug made me feel like super woman at first) Then things started going awry in August, I basically lost my mind. Crying constantly for no reason, paranoia, fabricating all kinds of crazy bullshit in my head and the self defeating attitude took over. Lost my day job, lost the man of my dreams because I went crazy then lost my second job due to my injury. So here I am. I have good days and bad days, mostly bad ones spent doing not much of anything not sleeping then I will give in to the ambien and sleep wayyyyy too much. I don't know how I will ever break out of this cycle. Not working and not being able to exercise have seriously FUCKED me up, exercise was always my escape.. The injury is healing but I developed another one on top of it which makes exercise nearly impossible. Went to yoga two days in a row, felt great to sweat but nothing compares to running something I will not be able to do for a very long time. I just want something to take away the constant hunger and give me some energy wihtout FUCKING with my head. A VERY CLEAN diet and regular exercise will do that I know that, been there I am well informed on nutrition and physiology but sometimes you need a little kickstart. ADDY is not it obviously, but now I just don't know how to completely STOP without sleeping and eating my day away. Thanks for listening.. I hate to sound like a victim because I have brought myself to this point and only I can change it, but I have never dealt with my depression and eating disorders to begin with, perhaps this is where I should start as opposed to trying to just fix those with addy. boy did that fucking backfire on me!

I'm in FL but many hours away from Destin.

That is exactly what happens to me. When I stop I eat like a horse! I am so unbelievably hungry it's down right scary. And even if I am not that hungry, I will binge eat. WTF? nothing is as it should be in my body anymore. I went 8 days this week and immediately gained 5 pounds. That and the lack of energy is what have brought me back every time. This is one of the reasons I am considering Wellbutrin. I read that it is one of the meds used for people with food disorders.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vmYvljVOFo

I dig this forum.. music evokes a lot of emotion, sometimes good and sometimes bad.. either way I love it. It's therapeutic yet sometimes it sends me into an emotional breakdown because the words hit me so hard.

WOW! thanks for sharing this song! how appropriate! Went 8 days, felt really good to FEEL, laughed more than I have in probably a year!

many the miles.. to be FREE of this addiction! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARZ2aII2DDQ&feature=share

I really connect and relate with certain songs especially with what I've been going through. I am having a really tough time letting go of the past. My crazy suspicions drove the man of my dreams away.. "Something gotta give, the way I'm living seems I'm getting down every day.. All my superstitions and my crazy suspicions of the people that I care about, I've been doing more screaming than I've been doing dreaming. "it took southerns skies to realize that I'm causing myself this pain!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdPzNCybqzw&feature=share

Any stimulant will stimulate your colon. Therefore when you come off, you will naturally be constipated. I know this sounds gross but look into coffee enemas to cleanse your liver and restart. Stay away from dairy products as they cause a very sluggish digestive system, create mucus and candida and mental fog, I could go on all day on the negative side effects of consuming dairy. Eat fiber and take Magnesium. Magnesium is great for constipation and is very inexpensive. It's a mineral which most of us lack. You may also want to take a good Probiotic once a day especially if you do a coffee enema in order to re introduce friendly bacteria which will help your digestive system get back to normal. Good Luck!