BeHereNow

3 Years

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It didn't really feel like much of anything, but yesterday was 3 years clean from adderall.

 

I barely ever think about the stuff anymore.  I wouldn't say that I'm back to my "old self" exactly, but in terms of adderall I think Im just kind of beyond it, like I've reached a new stage of my life.   I am dealing with other life stuff now.  Nothing's perfect.  I'm still depressed but I don't chalk it up to adderall anymore, even if it might be.  I still have anxiety and trouble focusing, but I don't chalk that up to adderall.   I don't want to give any of my mental attention to speed drugs anymore.  I'm working on skills-based approaches, and it's helping.

 

The thought of taking that crap scares me to death.  I passed my dissertation proposal and qualifying exams this semester without the crutch of speed, and I wouldn't have wanted it otherwise.  Because now I KNOW that I am capable.   Just plain me. 

 

It has been a roller coaster and quitting has coincided with some of the worst events of my life.  And if anyone quit at what seemed like the "wrong" time, it was me.  But whatever.  I made it to the other side now, and life is so much more beautiful now.  If you are new to the site, the life available to you is better than you can even imagine from within the speed trap. 

 

<3

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Congrats on 3 years and for finishing grad school! I understand the feeling of being 'beyond' adderall...it really takes time and hindsight to appreciate how far you've come. So glad you are still here!

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Yay! Great job. You have been an inspiration to me in my quit.  I feel the same way about the Adderall now.  The only time I think about it is when I am on this site, doling out my brand of advice. 

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I too understand the feeling of being "beyond" Adderall.  And it also took me about three years to feel that way, although in reviewing some of my posts before three years I thought I felt mostly recovered at one year, but not beyond it.  I also agree with not blaming Adderall for my periodic bouts of depression.  Depression came and went in my life before Adderall, and I justified my addiction - in part - by thinking it was helping to lessen the depression at a tough time in my life.  Maybe it did.  But now, whenever I feel a depression coming on, I try to recognize those feelings and do something about it - like take some L-tyrosine or St. Johns Wort, and remember that it is only temporary and things always get better with time.  Anxiety and lack of focus are just symptoms of depression, in my opinion.

 

Congratulations to you for finishing grad school amidst all the other stuff life seemed to throw in your face.  And a huge congratulations for three years off that awful drug.  On with life! 

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Wow!!! Congratulations!!! I can't believe it's already been 3 years!

 

Yes, I know what you mean about being on the other side of it now.  It's wonderful to be free from this drug.  I am so happy for you.   You are an inspiration to others!

 

As far as the depression goes, do you feel like it's situational or just an ongoing depression that has been around forever?  I know for me, changing my diet has helped immensely along with listening to Joel Osteen.  I know not a lot of people find religion appealing and all, but he always helps me so much switch over into a positive mindset no matter what I'm going through. I try to listen to his messages as much as possible.  Oh and exercise of course too.  

 

Well, anyhow, I am so happy for you and we are blessed to have you on this website!

 

Congrats!!

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Were you depressed before using adderall? I think adderall binges changed my brains neurotransmitters and I feel unable to focus,I feel anhedonic. I hope that I really feel normal. If the drug makes u unable to feel emotions, then definitely stop. I quit 175 days ago but I still feel disconnected 50% of the time. Is there anyone on this forum who became depressed from adderall but not biologically then recovered and feel really happy after stopping? I didn't use adderall BC I was depressed nor because I didn't have energy but I used it BC I was a huge idiot who only wanted to feel rewarded. Good job on being 3 years sober!

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