Adderall has 100% ruined my life. Not sure how to fix myself.

[jobella]

I've been abusing adderall for 5 years and its ruined everything. I started taking it once in a while because it made me more social and it spun out of control. I was taking 60 mg a day every single day for about 3 years. For the last 2 years I have been on and off of it and I hate that I cannot function without it.I don't know where to begin to fix myself. No one knows about my addiction, I haven't told a soul about it so writing this is strange for me.

 

My life has come to a complete stop. I have failed out of school, I have been unemployed for 3 years, I lost touch with just about everyone except for immediate family. I do not go out, I lliterally sit in my house all day in isolation.... and I STILL take it. I do not benefit from this drug at all and I still take it. The longest I have gone without it is 6 weeks. I do not take it everyday like I was, Its like I'll take it and run out , go a month until I can't stand sitting and doing absolutly nothing... then I go for it. The problem is, without it, I will not get out of bed in the morning. I will stare at the ceiling all day long. 

 

I  just don't know what to do. I desperatly need to start working again, ASAP and it scares me because I don't know if I can without it. If I can't even get out bed to go to the grocery store how am I gonna go to a job every day. Will I even get out of bed to go a job interveiw if I get one? If I do will I be able to get through an interview without it? I have been looking into ways to deal with this and the word Rehab is coming up a lot.... but I'm need of an alternative method. 

 

As I think back to before I started taking adderall I ask myself "How the hell did I do that?" How did I function on my own like that? I was a full time student while working a fulltime job. And its all gone. 

[Beback17]

It is not gone, only temporarily.  Sounds like you have forgotten how to live.  I only used prescribed Adderall for almost a year, but I quit almost 3 weeks ago and going back is not an option. Because my time on it was shorter, though I took double what you take for the last three months, I can function without.  However, I do know what it is like to lose your ability to function in life.  I battled heroin and speed addiction in my early years and it took almost 3 years of inpatient/outpatient rehab, groups and 12 steps, therapy and programs to become a functioning member of society.  it was not "horrendous" as one may think.  It was very deep and calm and balancing and I am blessed to have had the opportunity to go through it 

So I know how hopeless you feel right now.  this is why I can't go back to that "medication" because I have an intimate understanding of what it means to hit rock bottom.  I don't care if I'm mildly unorganized and do things out of order.  I was successful like this before, I will continue to be successful. 

You may be passed the point of just walking away with your own might, rehabilitation may teach you a few things and will help you connect with others so you don't have to do it alone.  consider it.  you are unemployed, so take advantage of that.  Start from the bottom and work your way back up with this thought in mind:  Where will I be in a year if I stay on this medication - versus - will where I be if I go to rehab and build my life back up.

Good luck to you.

[Frank B]

Rehab is expensive and if you have no job guessing u have no insurance or ability to pay out of pocket. You need to stop the drug obviously but need help. I would strongly suggest finding a local NA group and going as often as possible also AA groups help. It's vital you interact with people and you will feel comfortable at these meetings takes a couple times but it will feel like family after awhile. No excuse not to go they are free go look NA up online now find a meeting and go tonight or tommrow good luck.

[House]

Why is rehab out of the question? Based off of what you posted, it's not like you've got a job or any other obligations. Most insurance plans can help cover the costs of Rehab.

I understand though, I was reluctant to go to rehab too.

There's a lot of perks of going to an inpatient facility. Most of the staff will be in recovery themselves, they'll cook for you, schedule your daily activities and be there for you 24/7 if needed. Also the people that you'll meet there are just like you. Most rehabs will also help you get into a halfway house where you're required to find a job, do choires, attend meetings and be sober.

Going to rehab and then going to a halfway house helped me learn how to live a normal life again and some of the people that I met along the way are my best friends today.

Try to look into privately ran facilities vs. facilities ran by the state.

[survived]

I like you, also became unemployed for years. Whenever I tried to get a job, I was just so socially awkward on Adderall, I couldn't get hired. I think I was too stiff, too robotic. No one wants to hire anyone like that. I also took 60mgs for years.

 

On the last few years I was on it, I wasn't even doing anything. So it's kind of like, "What are you using it for then? whats the point?" I totally relate to that. But you are so addicted, and you cant get out of bed without it, so you might as well. It's just a cycle that continues and an addiction that is so hard to break. It almost feels like you cant survive without it. I totally get it, and I was there.

 

BUT, I was wrong. I could survive without it. In order to go out there and socialize with people again, and get a job, I needed to quit. Staying on the Adderall is not going to help you move forward, you are going to remain stuck. But you will only remain stuck for a good 10 months or so. It's really not that long. On Adderall you can end up staying like this, unproductive for years.

 

My advice is to start tapering off of it now. I did a successful taper. 1 week I went down to 20mgs, the next week maybe 10, and I slowly decreased just like that, and by the 3rd week or so, I quit completely. I would just prepare to do a whole lot of nothing, but as you have described...it's already what you have been doing, so this is the PERFECT time to quit. I don't even think Rehab is necessary. I would save my money and quit on my own, you can do it.