Kimber

How are "you" even able to read, much less post w/o Add.?

15 posts in this topic

This is the first day I have admitted I want to stop taking Adderall.  I wouldn't be able to read this site, much less post without the 10mg I took this am.  I have a prescription for 40mg for last 6 months, been on 20-30mg for 15+ years.  It didn't feel like it became an issue until last 2-3 yrs with continued unresolved health issues.  I've tried to address everything else that could be wrong, NEVER willing to look at Adderall or even let it be considered.

I just never thought other people also had a problem even doing the basics without Adderall.  When I run out which is every time, I can't won't even answer the phone and severely isolate.  Thank God I have a huge dog that has to be walked, so I'm getting 2-3 miles a day.  I petrified to tell my husband I am considering getting off this stuff for fear he'll hold me to it or be disappointed if I don't.

Fortunately I have zero responsibilities (excluding the DOG!) and no excuses not to stop.  I have started addressing nutritional health to combat hormonal issues, so I'm hoping this will help....I'm guessing we'll see.

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I have no problem reading in fact read more now vs on adderall. But doing a lot of things like for instant doing some drywall repairs today take a lot longer and I must force myself to do it. On addy that stuff was fun and did it a lot faster. I totally gutted my house on addy remodeled loved it now just doing minor stuff is a challenge and that sucks I hope this gets better. Not to say it hasn't gotten better. When I first stopped addy I watched a lot of tv and read books on rehabilitation addictions etc. Tell your husband force yourself to be held accountable if you go into this lukewarm you will fail. Good luck!  

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FWIW, and I am NOT a doctor...I had weird hormonal stuff emerge my last few years on Adderall. They exhausted all options and thought it was a pituitary adenoma. Alas, when they looked, there was nothing there.

All those imbalances have resolved themselves since getting off Adderall. Can't point to any academic literature linking the two and your situation may be different than mine. Just thought I'd share that. 

Also, there's no getting around the fact that I could barely read the first month I was off Adderall. It took some time, but I now read more than I have at any point in my life, and I think I'm the sharpest now that I've ever been. It doesn't always feel that way, because I have to work through the nagging self-doubt that I used to overwhelm with speed. But it's true. That happened by staying clean one day at a time.

Spend some time on the terrific articles Mike has put together, and welcome to the forums! Good luck on your journey.

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My husband stopped reading for pleasure when he was on adderall - only work related articles and documents. He spent hours and hours laying in bed watching mindless tv on his ipad.  Now that he is off, he reads all the time.  In fact, it was one of the first changes I noticed.

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Speaking for myself, I've found writing and reading (on here, in school) easier and more enjoyable without Adderall. I was once in a similar place as you, unable to imagine doing anything without some amount of adderall in my system. I think it takes time off the drug for one thing. Second, and this is just my two cents on it, but reaching the point where you realize you want to or need to let go of adderall REALLY dictates your willingness to try finding pleasure in things like writing or reading or even excercising for example.

Honestly the exercising this is what I've really been struggling with now 2 weeks sober. 

It motivates myself to post here or read posts cause I know Adderall hasn't just affected me but other people as well. Knowing I'm not alone, seeing it in front of me on this site, makes me have the desire to write a post like this very one I am writing or get on here regularly to read others postings. Not entirely sure if my response was that connected to the OP maybe I'm just rambling which is weird being off Adderall and doing, but yeah. 

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Uhhh WOW thank you all!  I had NO idea others did the same stuff I've started "noticing" that I'm feeling bad about doing...using up rx before time for refill, planning ANY social commitments only if have full 40+mg dose, and canceling out any for last part of month when I'm out of rx.  I've been blaming all of it on hormones.  I've 180'ed my eating habits the past November and I am doing another reset detox, no sugars, carbs 3 weeks and forced myself to look at anything else that might be causing me to feel bad, age much worse than peers, and weird things like hot all the time but cold hands and feet led me to think adrenal stuff.

Kills me because I was a pharmaceutical rep for years and got out b/c loved the $, but hated what I did and was supposed to promote, and took myself off all the crap doctors had put me on, and was diagnosed ADD and thought Adderall was the answer, no side effects (so I thought) or at least I could go without it and not want to kill myself or someone else!  

15 years later here I am just starting to admit that its time to look at this stuff seriously.  I feel even worse because back then I told my sister how great this stuff is, she's been on it for at least 10 yrs.   Seriously, Thank you all, I've never thought I'd be thinking about doing this a week ago.  But I can't not ....

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Just from my experience...be easy on yourself and don't expect too much in the early phases of recovery. This is a process, and not something that will instantly get better the way Addy did to me. I had to get realistic with myself and my abilities, and it blew my mind when I realized, for the first time in my life, it was OK to not be Wonderwoman...and take care of myself, eat three meals a day, rest, spend time with my fiancé watching movies and playing on my phone. I let my body set its own time clock and it really does pay off. I only have 64 days off of it, but around the 50 day mark, I got the motivation to work out again. I also read 2 books in 4 days! 

This is only my opinion, but this is a serious thing giving up Addy and we should treat it as such. We wreaked havoc on our minds and bodies and we need to give them time to heal. I feel like we need to treat it as a serious illness, we owe it to ourselves because we are worth it!

You are very brave to come to this realization. This is a great place for support from people that truly understand! 

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Just to address your topic question, I was not able to read well while on adderall.  And it took me about ten weeks after quitting to finally join this site and make my first post.  At some point you will need to tell your husband and your dog of your plans to quit because you will need their support and the related accountability.

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I can totally relate! I tried to quit cold turkey from Vyvance last weekend and by day 3 I couldn't read my texts. My sponsor would send me heartfelt messages and I could not even physically or otherwise bring myself to read them. Though I'd try. It would be like a horrible skimming job- I would see a few words then everything turned into "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah"

 

I get not wanting to tell your spouse because that means business! If you're really ready, it will happen. If you're not, that's okay. Recovery is scary and remember, it's not linear. I've found that without support, nothing will change. The truth is, we don't have control over our addiction. If we did, we wouldn't be in this spot. I encourage you to really consider telling your spouse. You don't have to do this on your own. The feeling of, shit, now I have to change, is something I can totally relate to. It's your addiction causing you that fear though! It has the control. You just have to look within and evaluate whether you're ready to take back the control. I promise, you can do it! 

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I also find myself reading more now that I've been off it for 1 month and 2 days.  Like you, I didn't think I would be able to read or write anything off it. Now my brain craves reading, it has been a great tool for my recovery. But you have to find it inside you to start. Like I read in a previous article, you won't "feel like it" at first.  

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I am literally just like you. Can not do anything social unless I have my bottle of addy at my side. If its towards the end of the month, I run out a week sometimes two early and cancel plans, stay in bed, isolated. Get anxiety when even my mom would call me during this time. I have not yet began my quitting journey even though I know I need to soon. Just wanted to say I really relate to how adderall affects you, and I too just started to realize its a problem. Im right there with you! 

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I still struggle reading long posts due to visual processing deficit. Vitamin B6 and 12 seem to help with focus.  Nothing like the hyper focus on that poison but as others have said, give yourself time to heal.  Things get better and it is all worth it to feel alive again.

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Told husband, also asked prescriber to take rx down to 30mg.  I started going to a functional medicine dr. For help with hormone imbalance and she wanted to change me to Vyvance, which I knew nothing about until looking up afterwards... it does amaze me even the " healthy" medical community has NO IDEA how horrid this stuff is ...looked like Vyvance would just be a different version of the same.  Not easy to try to get off when no one I've seen in the medical community thinks there is anything wrong with adderall.  

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You are right about Vyvance being a different version of the same. I've read many posts about people here addicted to Vyvance. For s short period I switched from Adderall to Vyvance to see if it would help and I was still going through the Vyvance bottle like it was water.

Just as addictive. 

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One of the main reasons I started taking it in the beginning was to help me to read. I slowly started taking it to read for pleasure because I found it more enjoyable to read on adderall. By the end I was taking federally to do just about every little thing.

When I quit, I had to stop working to allow myself to recalibrate. I was basically in my own self created rehab , but instead of doing it at a detox center I did it at my mother's home. During that time, I read dozens and dozens of books about a 100 over the course of a year. Novels but also tons of motivational/self help books, addiction memoirs and books dealing with addiction recovery.  This process helped me retrain myself to realize I could read and do everything without adderall. 

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