marybelle

Second attempt at quitting failed

11 posts in this topic

Hello All-

I feel bad writing this post because I've read so many amazing recovery (at least the people I have been following) and here I am, UNABLE to quit. Last time I was here I was writing to say I was quiting and that lasted alll of three days. 

Something really odd happened though. So.. my insurance only works in my hometown so I have to go back every 2 months to get new scrips. I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it back home anytime soon so the last month I had Adderall, I was BARELY using it because I was having so much anxiety about running out and not being able to get more. I actually had my month worth for TWO WHOLE MONTHS. I was going days without taking it and never taking more than one a day when I felt like I really needed it. I WAS TAKING NAPS INSTEAD OF POPPING PILLS WHEN I WAS TIRED. It was great. My relationships were better, my sex drive increased, I was enjoying life for the first time in a long time.

And then I ran out. 

I went home, got my script and have been binging since. its been about a week. taking 20-100 mg a day.

I've isolated myself from everyone, I am depressed or cracked out. I HATE THIS DRUG.

I don't understand... I KNOW LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT IT WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF :(

I think I might need professional help, but I just can't bring myself to tell my parents. I am giving myself these last two scripts, I am not going to make my trip home to get a refill, so hopefully that will monitor my intake like before, I can make as much money as I can at the strip club and then quit cold turkey one last attempt before seeking help. 

I just really am thankful for this site. Who fucking knows where I would be right now without it. Probably still thinking this rollercoaster Adderall life is normal. Anyway thanks for listening. Hopeful to have a recovery story one day.

Xx

MaryBelle

 


 

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I understand completely. I’m trying to quit my third time. On day 2 and I’m feelingf shitty mentally and physically. Sorry, I can’t really get my thoughts in order to offer more advice but I’m here for support. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and we will feel much better when we quit for good. 

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If your going to continue to take Id at least recommend trying to decrease your amount each day to get the process started. Calculate each day for two months to get to Omg the final day. Cut up your pills put them in a day to day pill dispenser you can buy them cheap at drug store. The extra pills toss down the toilet it’s a bold move but really test who is control your brain or the pills. This is how I successfully quit after failing at cold turkey method for 30days. I know most do not recommend this route think it all depends your situation and how much self control you have.  But feel u just say two more months will turn into another two months if no real game plan is in place. Don’t wait to get help start now NA meetings are free start going ASAP.  Good luck whichever route you choose. 

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Keep trying. It took me 4/5 quit attempts before mine stuck, and I celebrated 18 months yesterday! Always forward, always improve, always keep learning. You're on the right track with being honest here, if you keep that habit it up it'll help a lot in your journey! Happy you're here, you're in the right place.

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Don’t beat yourself up too much. I’ve learned the less critical you are about failing to quit the harder it will be to find the strength to finally quit. 

You’re going to fail some of the time. What you do with that failure is what really matters. Each relapse I had (way more than 2) I knew something new about my patterns of use. Try to recognize that. Fail for a third time? Try again. Fail for a fourth? Try again. Best of luck. 

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On 3/18/2018 at 2:02 PM, Speeder906 said:

Don’t beat yourself up too much. I’ve learned the less critical you are about failing to quit the harder it will be to find the strength to finally quit. 

I agree. Having said that, if you keep relapsing, ask yourself this one simple question before you attempt your next quit: "What am I going to do different this time?"

If the answer is "nothing", then get ready for the same miserable results.

Very few on here have quit and stay quit without preparing for significant disruption at least the first few months after quitting. It also pays to let your family in on what's going on. They may be able to help in ways you won't necessarily expect. 

You're addicted to amphetamines. Act accordingly.

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On 3/18/2018 at 11:02 AM, Speeder906 said:

Don’t beat yourself up too much. I’ve learned the less critical you are about failing to quit the harder it will be to find the strength to finally quit. 

You’re going to fail some of the time. What you do with that failure is what really matters. Each relapse I had (way more than 2) I knew something new about my patterns of use. Try to recognize that. Fail for a third time? Try again. Fail for a fourth? Try again. Best of luck. 

SO TRUE. I have failed twice but I did learn so much each time about why I was relapsing and what I could do differently next time. thank you.

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On 3/17/2018 at 11:26 AM, Cheeri0 said:

Keep trying. It took me 4/5 quit attempts before mine stuck, and I celebrated 18 months yesterday! Always forward, always improve, always keep learning. You're on the right track with being honest here, if you keep that habit it up it'll help a lot in your journey! Happy you're here, you're in the right place.

aw okay thank you! and congrats xx 

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On 3/17/2018 at 7:05 AM, Catherine1 said:

I understand completely. I’m trying to quit my third time. On day 2 and I’m feelingf shitty mentally and physically. Sorry, I can’t really get my thoughts in order to offer more advice but I’m here for support. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and we will feel much better when we quit for good. 

feel you girl

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Hey, guys! 

I was prescribed adderall when I was 15, and I've been taking it until about three months/90 days ago. I'm 26 now. While there's no specific "anonymous" 12-step group for solely adderall, I've found AMAZING hope and a program that really works by going to Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous groups, getting a sponsor, and going through the steps. If anyone wants to know any more about some of the MANY things I've put in place to ensure I keep going down this life path adderall-free forever, please let me know. I'd be happy to share advice/tips for anyone that is curious. 

Sending love and empathy out to all of you who are trying to quit adderall. I don't think people who haven't taken it consistently for a while can truly understand how lost one can feel after building an entirely seperate life as a person you don't recognize (a person on adderall). I'm dealing with a job I don't enjoy now that I'm not on adderall, and I'm slowly but surely learning to rediscover my passion. I by no means have all of the answers, and the tips I have are far from perfect, but I know that at the end of my life, I'm not going to regret the decision to stop working my life away on things that didn't truly matter. Love and happiness and going with the flow are all rewards that I've seen (even in just three months), and I can't go back to my old ways -- even if it means underperforming at work for a bit. Haha.

With Love,

Erica

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2 hours ago, marybelle said:

feel you girl

Oh the struggle! Made it past day 3! Feeling less shitty haha! How you doing?

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