KN_1

Finally quitting after 4 years

8 posts in this topic

I apologize in advance because I already know this will probably be all over the place. I'm currently coming down and overall I'm just beyond exhausted- mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

I'm currently 23 years old and have been taking adderall since 2014. Literally every single day since the first day I tried it. Okay, well, there are TWO days I can remember where I didn't take it in these past 4 years- and they were HELL. I couldn't keep my eyes open or make it out of bed and I was miserable.
Before taking adderall, I was already suffering from depression and chronic fatigue so adderall truly was the answer to all of my problems. I have never worked a job without being on adderall, or raised my child without being on adderall. I've used it throughout my whole adult life- and now I am TERRIFIED to come off of it. But I know it needs to be done. I'm to the point where I'm taking 100-200mg per day. Just to get through the day. It doesn't make me happy like it used to, it doesn't make me socialable like it used to- it actually has over time made me quite the opposite. My moods are all over the fucking place. I have energy and motivation most of the time but I just feel..empty. Unless I'm raging with anger because someone "interrupted" me while I was focused on some bullshit task that my tweaking self couldn't look away from.

 

It used to make me want to DO things and talk to people, now I just play games on my computer all day or clean the most random, stupid shit. It wakes me up enough to go to work but I know once I stop, I have to quit my job. So I put a notice in today. This is the first time I haven't been working in 4 years. I'm so scared. I have amazing family and a boyfriend that are supportive but I also have a 6 year old son I'm raising and I'm literally terrified that once I stop I won't even be able to get out of bed to take him to school in the morning, or do ANYTHING around the house. Once I stop working in a couple weeks I am going to my doctor with my mom and telling her about my problem so she can refer me to some sort of out patient program to get on a tapering schedule. I'm nervous to do that, I feel bad I've been lying to my doctor for so long about taking my prescription responsibly let alone also buying so much extra from friends every month.

 

I'm scared I won't ever be able to get a job again; I was already SO tired and SO unmotivated and SO shy and anxious before I ever started adderall, I can't imagine "adulting" AT ALL without it. What if I'm just worthless forever? I'm so scared. But I know I need to do this. Any sort of advice or encouragement would be so appreciated.

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So proud of you! This will likely be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but you CAN do it. Take one day at a time. You will not be worthless forever. You will be much better off. Working a program and finding support like NA or AA really helped me. I’m 90 days sober and my life has already become insurmountably better. Hang in there!!!

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There’s good news: You were only on Adderall for 4 years, so you may have a quicker time adjusting to life without it than I am. I was on it for over a decade and I’m almost 5 months clean. It stinks, but taking 100mg of Adderall a day was completely destroying me - and killing me.

Good for you for taking action now! 

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On 4/15/2019 at 9:06 PM, KN_1 said:

I'm so scared. I have amazing family and a boyfriend that are supportive but I also have a 6 year old son I'm raising and I'm literally terrified that once I stop I won't even be able to get out of bed to take him to school in the morning, or do ANYTHING around the house.

while it is true that you will probably do nothing around the house for a while (which is okay), having a kid is actually going to help you through this whole thing. Adderall recovery is exponentially worse when you don't have any responsibility to FORCE you into doing stuff.

love for your children will always be stronger than recovery blues, i promise (:

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I got put on it at age 25, and at age 42 I’m about 4 months sober. Hardest thing I think I ever did. I had a slip a few days ago but I quickly got rid of the pills so back on track. I had a 5mg slip, thank god I didn’t keep going. I became so hooked and it really destroyed my life and relationships as I reflect. I’m a female. 

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On 16/04/2019 at 11:06 AM, KN_1 said:

I'm scared I won't ever be able to get a job again; I was already SO tired and SO unmotivated and SO shy and anxious before I ever started adderall, I can't imagine "adulting" AT ALL without it. What if I'm just worthless forever? I'm so scared. But I know I need to do this. Any sort of advice or encouragement would be so appreciated.

You may actually find the opposite to be true. I was also scared I wouldn’t be able to return to work. Initially I had to take a 6 week leave of absence however, I’m now at the 3 month mark and I’ve noticed that not only have my relationships with co-workers improved but I’m also faster and more productive. I still struggle with motivation without my pills but I no longer hyper-focus on one aspect of the job to the extent of missing the bigger picture. Just give yourself some time, you’ll be surprised at the brains amazing ability to re-wire and heal itself. Congratulations on taking the plunge and deciding to quit, it’s tough but you won’t regret it! 

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I finally got my first ever DAILY subscription update from LiveVideo....After being on LV and subscribed to probably 20 or so people over the span of two years counting my old account. After having quite a few LV rants calling out this terrible flaw. I open my Yahoo inbox and see it.....And....it's....


























































quite useless frankly, because the videos inside it are almost a month old, but it was there =O

I'm gonna print out the Email and frame it so I can hang it up in my room

It has to be worth some good money. It's so rare .


.....Seriously LV......WTF?

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that is EXACTLY what I told a few people last night The CULT defends human rights only when it is in accordance with THEIR ideas about it.

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