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About lizbeth

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  1. Finally quitting after 4 years

    So proud of you! This will likely be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but you CAN do it. Take one day at a time. You will not be worthless forever. You will be much better off. Working a program and finding support like NA or AA really helped me. I’m 90 days sober and my life has already become insurmountably better. Hang in there!!!
  2. Sorry one more post - has anyone gone completely sober since quitting adderall? I’ve developed horrible anxiety which causes me to drink... a lot of wine... I feel like the past month I have been consistently wasted. It hasn’t interferes with my job or anything like that but I have a feeling I may need to get off everything entirely. I know it will be really tough but wondering if anyone has done it and if it’s helped them! I need some motivation. xo
  3. Hi guys - its been a minute but could use some words of encouragement. I quit adderall back in October, and I started a new job two months ago. I wanted to lose weight so bad that I went to a DIFFERENT doctor and got prescribed phentermine. Needless to say my zero self control and amphetamine addict started abusing it from day 1. I took FIVE today. I’ve been drinking a shit ton, hardly sleeping and now it’s 4:30am and I’m still just beating myself up. I was two years clean, then got back on adderall, started abusing again, flushed it and now I’m abusing the phentermine which I also flushed this morning. I just feel so embarrassed and don’t understand why I don’t have self control like normal people. BecAuse of how much of phentermine I took today u had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had. Had to tell my boss who actually had to call my psychiatrist at work today I couldn’t even drive. I just wasn’t to be normal and not have these constant urges to use drugs to balance myself out. I see my psychiatrist on Friday and I think it’s best if I tell her about the phentermine. I’m scared and embarrassed and could just use some love!!! Thanks for letting me vent. Love you all and so glad to be apart of this community xo

    Hey Frank! Sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. Happy to give some insight to my thought process/experience on getting back into adderall after such a long time. I had started a new job at a huge movie studio in Los Angeles. It was my first BIG job out of college (had a couple marketing jobs prior but nothing that was very demanding) the job was administrative, extremely. I needed help and hoped that after a long break I could get back into adderall in a way that it used to help me when I first started. In addition to work reasons I had a huge crush on one of my coworkers. While on adderall I used to weigh about 125-135 (I’m 5’5.5) once I quit the first time I gained about 40 pounds but had lost some of that so when I started at the studio I was about 150. I wanted to feel like my old self. Organized, ambitious, skinny, all the things adderall “promises” us. And no I absolutely did NOT regret getting back on it AT ALL. What I had hoped would happen, happened. I killed it at my job, I lost about 20 pounds. Started dating my crush at work. It was great. But after about 9 months I started abusing, I developed HORRIBLE anxiety I mean it was BAD. For the last year I knew I needed to quit. By the grace of god I was able to quit (cold turkey) in October. I’m back to 150 pounds and I’m on lexapro and Wellbutrin (the straterea did not work out) I feel better than EVER. Working out regurlary not irritable just overall feeling WONDERFUL. The weight part still is really hard for me but I know I’ll get back into shape. I’m still young-ish (27) and I can’t wait to ring in 2018 adderall free!!! I would like to quickly say that I wouldn’t have changed anything. These TWO journeys have thaught me so much about myself. That I’m able to conquer anything. They’ve taught me self confidence. If I can’t believe in myself then who will. I used to think I’d be nothing without adderall. Now I’ve learned I’m even more than adderall could have ever made me! I also think a lot of us are miss diagnosed. The lexapro and Wellbutrin have SAVED. MY. LIFE. My psychiatrist is a total bitch and basically tells me everything I know myself but dont want to hear and I truly believe she finally took the time to diagnose me correctly. For the first time in my life I feel normal!!!!!! I would encourage everyone to find a professional who is willing to put in the work to figure out what it is you’re mind/body really needs. I think a lot of adderall abusers are self medicating. If it’s not working, there’s a reason. And there’s an answer. A solution. Take control of your life. Put in the work and you’ll get there. It’s not easy and I still have a lot of work to do. But I know and can promise you. ITS. WORTH. IT.
  5. Hi! Long story short about four years ago I quit adderall after a long time of use and abuse. I got back on it about two years ago, started to reabuse and am now 30 days clean and feeling great! I was taking about 60-120 mg a day so definitely took a few weeks of withdrawls etc. I started seeing a new psychiatrist who I was very honest with and helped me taper off the adderall, now after 30 days she has started me on straterra. Today was the first day, 25mg. She said this drug is not a controlled substance, and is not known for being abused etc and can help with ADD. I don't know how i feel about it. I seem to just be kinda blah today and was wondeirng if anyone has found success with this drug or think its best to just stay clean from everything overall? I would appreciate any insight or suggestions! I really do struggle with ADHD and am mostly concerned about weight gain, as I went from 120-165 the first time i quit (i am a 5'5 26 year old female, and was 23 at the time). I've gained about 10 pounds since in the 30 days of being clean which isn't terrible but anyways if anyone has any tips or has taken straterra or any other drug that is worked for them that is NON ADDICTIVE would appreciate your comments!! thanks and love you all! xo
  6. I was two weeks sober and relapsed on Tuesday. Just read this post and flushed my script. WE CAN DO THIS !!!
  7. Oxy Elite Pro

    Thoughts on using this thermogenic as a substitute for adderall?
  8. My struggle with addiction & HOW I QUIT!

    Jon, Congrats! 17 days sober- thats awesome! To be honest it took me a solid three weeks to start to feel even a little bit "normal" so its fantastic that you are starting to feel even a little bit better already! Caffeine was a big help during my first few months without adderall. Coffee especially. Mentally its nice to have some sort of routine that helps you get into the "its time to start my day mode". Normally that routine for me was "taking adderall = time to get serious." Substituting coffee (for me) really helped. It also was enough of a stimulate to help me zero in and really helped my ADD. This may be something you could try too! I wish you the best of luck and you should be proud that you found the will inside of you to choose to be a better, happier, version of yourself. It's not easy but you can do it. Getting started is the hardest part I think. Lauren
  9. Hi! My name is Lauren & this is my story. The first time I ever took adderall I was fifteen years old. It was the second to last week of my freshman year of high school and I will never forget it. I took two 20mg extended release tablets and was cracked out for a solid 48 hours. I was on an emotional roller coaster however I immediately knew this pill would be the "magic answer" to all the problems I was facing at the time. And it was. It took a lot of effort to get my parents to take me to my doctor and test me for ADD but it was worth it. After several tests and surveys I was prescribed. I lost the 20lbs I had been trying to get rid of for the last two years. I had the energy to make the cheerleading team (I got cut the summer going into my freshman year) I improved my grades from barely a 3.0 to a 4.3 I was the person I had always wanted to be. I was prescribed for seven years until things really got out of hand. My junior year of college is when things really spiraled out of control. I became obsessed with losing weight. I had also built up a very serious tolerance and was in a pretty scary routine of taking a wayyyy higher dose of adderall than was prescribed to me. I had somehow talked my doctor into prescribing me 80mg a day. I did this by explaining that some days I liked to take 40mg extended release and some days I liked to take instant release. It just depended on what my classes were like that day. This was a lie, obviously. Either way she wrote a script for both which equalled out to 80 mg a day for 30 days. However, I still would run out in two weeks. Here was my routine: I would lay out 3 20mg pills next to my bedside and set my alarm one hour before I needed to wake up. For example if I had a a 9:30 class I would set my alarm for 8:30. I would then take the three pills (60 mg) of adderall and go back to bed. I would then let the adderall wake me up about 45 min later and take a fourth 20 mg pill. Then I would take another 20 mg around noon and then a sixth 20 mg around 3:00. I would take AT LEAST 120 mg of adderall every day. Many times I would take much more than this because I would consistently pull all nighters. I was in a few art classes which I would become obsessed over making everything perfect. Often people in my sorority would ask me why I was always wandering the house in the wee hours of the night and I just continued to blame it on a big work load. This was a lie. I was taking massive amounts of adderall to get skinny. I lost 25 lbs in two months. I was irritable, tired all the time, I had sores on the inside of my mouth from biting my cheeks, I was basically miserable. I would run out of my dose in two weeks and then buy more off of friends. I had basically hit rock bottom. I would go to the gym and look around and see other people who were NORMAL working out because they cared about their bodies and their health. All i wanted was to be normal. I wanted to feel proud of my achievements and know I did things on my OWN not just because i had adderall to get me through. I knew what I had to do. I was leaving for Los Angeles that summer to complete an internship. I was cracked out on adderall the night before my flight left and got no sleep. Right before I left for the airport I took the adderall out of my suitcase and stuck it in a pile of things my mom was going to ship to me later. This was the only way I could get myself to leave it behind. I knew I didn't want to live like this anymore but I had to know that if I REALLy needed it I could get it back. Sure enough I was in LA, my adderall was thousands of miles away, I was putting on weight- fast, and I was going through some serious withdrawls. For four days I couldnt get out of bed until at least 5pm at night. However, I kept having faith that I would get through it. I honestly felt drunk the first few weeks off adderall. My body didn't function properly, I could barely drive because I felt so disconnected and could hardly think straight. The weight gain was the worst part for me. I had worked so hard to lose the weight and was TERRIFIED of putting it back on. This is when I called my mom. "Hey mom, you know that box of stuff in my room you were gunna ship to me? Yeah I really need it, could you send it out tomorrow?" Of course she had no idea my adderall stash was in there and quickly agreed. I hung up and immediately regretted my decision. THIS WAS MY CHANCE. THIS WAS THE TIME. THIS WAS WHEN I WAS GOING TO BE STRONG. STRONGER THAN MY DEPENDENCE ON THIS STUPID DRUG. I called back. "MOM DONT SEND ME THE BOX. My adderall is in there. I'm addicted to it. I don't want it. I want to be normal, I want to do this on my own, I want my personality back. dont send it" I was crying & so was she. She told me she was proud of me and to be honest I was proud of myself. The entire month was extremely hard. It was the first time in seven years that I had completed even the most simplest of tasks without the help of adderall. I had to show up to my internship every day and complete what was asked of me and it took alot of effort on my end. All the while I was gaining weight. This was the worst part. When I came back from my internship I had gained about 15 pounds. I freaked out and thought "theres no way I can go back to school looking like this" I searched through my parents medicine cabinets and found my adderall. For three days I took it to to lose weight and was right back where I was before. Not sleeping, irritable, miserable, depressed. This is when my big breakdown occured. I WAS NOT going to do this anymore. I had gone three months without it. Who cares if I gained some weight. My personality was back and I was not going to slip back into the dark place I was when I was addicted to adderall. I COULD DO THIS. I sat on my bathroom floor bawling my eyes out. I tossed each pill one by one into the toilet and with each one I said a reason I would never take adderall again. For example, "I am happier without it." "My body is better off without it" "I can be who I want to be without adderall" "I feel good in taking credit for my accomplishments when I am not on adderall" etc. This day was a day i will NEVER forget. After a few weeks at school I came home for a checkup with my doctor. I confessed my serious addiction and how I had overcome it. She ended up confiding in me that one of her patients who is severely addicted to adderall is now trying to get pregnant. This patient can not get herself to quit adderall and is in a horrible place because she wants to have a baby (which you obviously cant be taking amphetamines while your pregnant). Often people would ask me "you had only one more year of college why didnt you just quit when you graduated" and this is what I tell them.... IT IS NEVER AN EASY TIME TO QUIT. If I wouldve said "Oh Ill quit when I graduate" then it would have turned into "Oh ill quit when I get a job. Oh ill quit when I get this promotion. Oh Ill quit when I find a boyfriend. etc. etc." I have been off adderall for one year and one month and I CAN NOT BELIEVE how far I have come. Sometimes I get on this site and read people struggling with the fight to quit and I know EXACTLY how they feel. It gives me goosebumps thinking about the three weeks of my cold turkey quitting of adderall. But here is what i can say YOU CAN DO IT. YOU HAVE TO DO IT. NOW IS THE TIME. THERE WILL NEVER BE AN EASY TIME. It may seem like there is no way you will ever function without adderall but you will. And once you start to complete tasks without it you will feel elated. I specifically remember calling my eye doctor and ordering contacts and I felt like the happiest girl in the world after I hung up the phone. Adderall is not who you are. It does not define what you are capable of and once you conquer this you will understand what you truly are capable of. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!! You have to believe in yourself. I am truly happy to offer any suggestions and answer any questions any of you might have. You are not alone and you will be better people because of your struggle with this drug. Peace, Love, & Choose Happiness! Lauren