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I'm going to start the adderall again


Debra77

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I have been off of adderall since Dec 13 and by now I should feel a little better. I'm totally exhausted and can barely manage to get thru work. I come home and immediately get into bed. I have gained 15 pounds now and none of my clothes fit at all. The only thing that has improved is my skin is not as oily and doesn't break out as bad. I didn't think I would ever go back to this stuff but here I am thinking about popping one in the morning and a couple thru the day. I haven't had any energy at all and zero motivation. I feel like I'm worse off in a way. Heck, I don't know anymore. I saw my psychiatrist the other day and told her I stopped the adderall because I couldn't stand the roller coaster ride anymore and the malnutrition and she said it was a mistake to stop it because she said I have ADHD (which I don't know if I do) and that I need the medication but need to take better care of myself. I'm super depressed because i'm busting out of all of my clothes and hungry all the time. I'm spending more time isolating myself now than when I did when I was taking adderall. I'm tired of living this way. I'm going back because I don't see a reason not to.

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I dont know if this helps but Whenever I found myself in that situation, I'd close my eyes and repeat to myself .. This is the addicted me talking, not the real me talking. I'd repeat over and over to myself until the thoughts passed...and when it happened again, I'd repeat the process.

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Debra77

Debra baby get a hold of your self your having a bad day they come on in waves don’t you dare relapse you have traveled to fair 4 week baby that’s a lot of time you have invested in your recovery come on sake it off tomorrow is another day you will feel better in the morning please don’t do it hang in there keep on line we will talk you down. Its 110 days for me and I still have more bad days then I have good days but there are good days that I have also and I caries thous days when thy come.

Your friend and supporter FALCON

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You have to stick it out for a few more months to get through the worst of the withdrawals. It's going to get worse before it gets better, but it does get better the longer time passes. I assume you don't want to be on Adderall for the rest of your life, right?

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And the longer your on it the more damage its gonna do...the more your tolerance will grow ...and the more its going to want to keep control of ya girl....there fore the quits are going to follow its commands.....HARDER!!! it sucks Debra and I know maybe it'd be better of we all could hang at your place and get ya through the long hours...but ya gotta post your ass off bout anything your thinking. Ya gotta tell this shit that you're done and if ya don't have energy to use your body....use that mind to keep it at bay. Hang in there Debra ....its not worth it anymore. You've almost got a month.

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Thanks everyone. I feel a connectiont to you all somehow. Falcon, your just plain amazing. I've had time to calm down and rethink this and I can't take that huge step backwards and start up with that poison again. I never thought I'd ever even be able to stop but i've made it this long. It hasn't been easy and I understand now how the street addicts go in search of this stuff so I'm not judgemental of anyone. Addiction is a terrible thing. My brother got hepatitis c from shooting up drugs. I've never done anything like that. All the meds I take are prescribed by a quack. Heck I got a DUI over this crap and was hospitalized once already. My credit is ruined. I walked out of a job of 16 years because of this toxic poison. Now here I am thinking I need to start it back up and maybe i'll feel better. I know it's just the addict in me thinking these thoughts. If I continued down the path I was going I was going to die at a young age. The mental pain is so bad and I put on a fake smile at work when I'm really falling apart inside but nobody knows it. Thanks again everyone.

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That's what we like to hear! Sounds like your rational mind is wrestling back control.

I mentioned this a lot earlier. But writing a list of all the horrible things about being addicted to adderall and then having it on hand to re read it during tough moments was really helpful as well. Maybe you want to give that a try. I must have read my list hundreds of times. It always came in handy. Eventually I didn't need it as much, but in the beginning I needed it a lot.

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Bebra 77

Hey you sound a little calmer we are all on the same boat together tomorrow is a new day and you will have a fresh new out look. Please don’t relapse you will hate yourself if you do keep your post going tomorrow I want to know how your day is.

Your friend FALCON

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I feel a quick connection to everyone and yes, Falcon you are the man! You are so real... it's beautiful. You are strong and caring and you just get it. You can help us all. I wonder if theres a way to have video meetings or group chats scheduled... could be great for us all. no idea where everyone is located. My profile is not working so I cannot edit my info or add a pic but have contacted our dear admin ;)

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Debra:

First of all I'm sorry - I feel partially responsible for how you are doing because I said I'd be there for you and then I didn't really follow up on the PMs... I know we had a few exchanges but if I'd known how low you were I certainly would have written more.

You're 4 weeks in, right? I know I've mentioned before how similar our paths have seemed: fallen career, body issues, self esteem and depression challenges. Guess what... when I was 4 weeks in to recovery I ended up in a locked psych ward because I tried to kill myself.

You are in the depths of depression, my lady. It's hard to extricate yourself from how you feel long enough to think about this, but trust me, you will feel differently in just 2 weeks from now. Your body and brain is not normal - you are at the lowest point of your recovery, your dopamine and norepenephrine stores are totally depleted and so as others have said, it's your addicted, depleted, pain-filled brain that is screaming for a respite. Now is the most important time NOT to start using again! You have a beautiful brain that really wants to help you. Did you know it's just aching to get back to normal, to start producing all those chemicals and hormones all on its own, without the help of some fucking orange or blue pill?

Think of it this way. If you were looking after a sick person, and they were right at the worst of feeling sick, you could see how much they were hurting and suffering and instead of giving them a big hug and making them soup and telling them, rest, it'll be ok, you will get through it... you stuffed them full of Day Quill and told them to get up off their lazy ass and get back to work? You'd never do that to another human being, I know it. So why would you do it to yourself?

Please, please I hope this doesn't reach you too late. The moment you take just one pill you will be back to the beginning again, and you've come SO FAR (even though it doesn't feel like it, I know).

Please stay close to this site over the next couple of days and let us know how you are doing. Even if you fuck up and go back to the adderall, yes there will be people here who will make you accountable for it, but we are here to support you and we will ALWAYS have your back. Just trust yourself. The successful, happy, real person you thought you once were is there. She just needs a big hug.

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Waronwar...video meeting,,, I love it!! Skype meetings ....party line meetings!!!, OK Wich

of the.computer Einsteins on here is gonna make this shit GO!!!! LOL. Wont be me...I didn't even get a pic of my pills going over the falls so to speak....so I can't be in charge! !!, hahaha. Glad your perspective was able to shift a bit by our constant coaxing....its so tough I know ...but you've got a month and that is fucking massive girl!!!! So Skype hi-5 and hugs out to you!!!!

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Waronwar...video meeting,,, I love it!! Skype meetings ....party line meetings!!!, OK Wich

of the.computer Einsteins on here is gonna make this shit GO!!!! LOL. Wont be me...I didn't even get a pic of my pills going over the falls so to speak....so I can't be in charge! !!, hahaha. Glad your perspective was able to shift a bit by our constant coaxing....its so tough I know ...but you've got a month and that is fucking massive girl!!!! So Skype hi-5 and hugs out to you!!!!

I was thinking more along the lines of a Quitting Adderall Vegas Convention. Vegas trip, anyone? :)

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Lol. D.A.R.E. was or is a big "don't do drugs" campaign taught across schools. I remember a dare officer came and opened a box filled with marijuana, angel dust, heroin, LSD , acid, shrooms and went through each drug teaching us what each drug did and how they were bad. Then we got DARE t shirts.

But what they fond was that the DARE program was actually making kids more susceptible to drugs by teaching them and exposing them to street drugs. So the program failed and I think they tried to revamp it. I'm not sure of its still in existence.

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