ashley6

New experiences

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I'm so happy to be in recovery, but I've realized how nerve-wracking it is. I'm still working on gaining my confidence back, and it's tough. I flew on a plane for the first time in 13 years yesterday, and it felt amazing to stop avoiding my fears, even though I was a nervous wreck. Tonight I'm supposed to go on a date with a guy that went to Harvard. Harvard? Seriously, I feel so inferior like what am I going to talk about? I was a drugged out mess for the last 6 years. I think only experience is going to get my confidence level back, so I just have to face my fears. Any feedback would be great!

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A therapist once told me to keep my expectations really low regarding a new date. I was a lot less stressed in doing so.

So, instead of pondering how you could favorably impress this guy, look at it as another post-adderall adventure, like flying. Look at this date as simply an opportunity to meet somebody new and gain new perspectives from someone with totally different life experiences that your own. Look at it as a way to be entertained for just this one evening. It is chance to learn, interact and converse with somebody new. He doesnt ever need to know about your past interest in drugs or your adderall recovery, only the things that make you click now. And you don't have to worry about him being a creep if your parents set up the date in the first place, right?

How was your flight? worst thing I could imagine would be sitting next to a fatso who takes up 1.5 seats or having a screaming baby on the plane. I have invented baby muzzles for the screamers, just waiting on the patent :P

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Ashley you are a wonderful source of support on here with a message that is strong, honest and consistent - trust me I know because I read this site everyday. Pretend this guy is someone you met on here - someone that you can relate to because you have something in common. It may not be quitting adderall but you are both interesting and intelligent people who happen to be in the dating scene - which is awkward to everyone on some level - and full of uncertainty, but potentially very rewarding. Anything you do to connect with other people and conquer your fears is the anti-addiction, and I bet this date is a lot better than flying for the first time in 13 years!

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Hi Ashley,

My natural confidence came back over time (a long time). In hindsight, I wish I would have pushed myself less than I did because I had a lot of anxiety surrounding new challenges/experiences, much as you are having. There was a point in later recovery where I really felt my confidence returning, and it didn't have anything to do with 'getting out of my comfort zone'. It was a change in my mental state. Coincidentally, the change in mental state made it a lot easier to get out of my comfort zone (i.e. there was no anxiety surrounding these activities anymore). So, I think sometimes we get it backwards, like "I need to do all this stuff to move forward", when waiting until we move forward mentally and then doing the stuff is actually a lot easier. I guess what I'm trying to say is that while it's definitely good to try new things and have new experiences, don't put pressure on yourself to perform at the same level as you naturally will a year from now. Not sure if this really helps or even makes sense, just my own experience here. :)

As far as Harvard guy, is this a blind date? Just because he went to Harvard doesn't mean he's cool, nice, or more intelligent than average (he could be rich with family connections). He could be a total douche. You won't know until you meet him! It's not like you have to go out with him again if you don't like him, so just try to have fun and treat him just like you would treat anyone else. My husband is really good at this: treating people exactly the same, whether it's a homeless bum or a CEO. A couple weeks ago, he met a famous former NFL coach at a bar. All these other people were fawning over him, asking him a million football questions, and my husband was like, "Hey dude, how's it going?" and just shooting the shit. The coach ended up talking to my husband for longer than anyone else in the bar, because he talked to him like he was a regular person, not someone famous or important. It's a really cool talent my husband has that I'm always trying to emulate. Anyway, let us know how your date goes! :)

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I knew I could count on you guys to make me feel better. I definitely plan on it being a one time thing anyway. I live in Indiana, and I'm in Texas. Cassie, that's a great quality your husband has, and it's one I'd love to have, because we're all just people, but I'd be starstruck with an ex-NFL coach, because I'm a huge football fan :) He definitely could be a huge douche for all I know, a very good-looking douche. It's not even going to be one-on-one, because I'll be with my family, so I can totally ignore him if I want. Thanks so much for the support and advice, you guys!!

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ashley6

Hay baby jest be your self on the date no bullshit no lies be honest about your feelings. .Please do not be intimidated by his education be free if the chemistry is not there for you and him move on and don’t look at it as a failure its not you. You have a beautiful soul it is one of your strong character.

Good luck on the date Your friend FALCON

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Hey Ashley,

Well it looks like you've got a big bunch of fans here and I don't have anything more to say other than BIG PAT ON THE BACK FOR YOU... and here is why: wasn't it less than 2 weeks ago you were asking what to do about your crappy current relationship? And we were all saying, just go on a date or two, it will be good to see the world out there and that there are other people than your (then) current beau. And look! Here you are. So rather than getting anxious about what's ahead, be proud of yet ANOTHER amazing accomplishment. You continue to out-do yourself. There is a pattern emerging!

Oh, and the Harvard guy? Yeah, whatever. Cassie's hubby's got the right approach. Hey, Harvard just got sprung for a huge cheating scandal that broke today, so that would certainly make an interesting conversation, ("So, Farquar III, I'm assuming that cheating is pervasive there or no? Tell me alllll about your experiences at such a competitive environment blah blah blah"). Of course Ashley I'm not saying that this is necessarily a good conversation starter, I'm just curious. Actually I was thinking about it in the shower today, and thinking well if cheating is as rampant at Harvard as it seems to be, and it is such a high-pressured, A-type-personality school, then adderall abuse must be de-riguer. You never know, you might have a junkie on your hands hahahhaa!!!

HAVE FUN. And wear your good luck underwears. :P

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Actually I was thinking about it in the shower today, and thinking well if cheating is as rampant at Harvard as it seems to be, and it is such a high-pressured, A-type-personality school, then adderall abuse must be de-riguer. You never know, you might have a junkie on your hands hahahhaa!!!

Didn't you hear? Harvard awarded Adderall an honorary PhD... LOL ( It was in "The Onion"... )

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Ashley, you have so much going for you! You are a gorgeous soul and very intelligent and witty and kind and probably the coolest girl this guy will have ever met. Don't be intimidated by the ivy league brand name. No offense if anyone here went to an Ivy, I know there are good people at those institutions, but the prestigious elitism they represent stems from the fact that they were originally established as a boy's club for rich white men. I've met a lot of people who went to Ivy League schools and I honestly don't think they are any more intelligent than any of the rest of us...... some of them just think they are because they have that name brand stamped on their resume. The have been told over and over, i.e. by fellow Ivy club members, that they are more intelligent than the rest of us.....and the general public believes this too, so our responses can reinforce this belief. So, do not be intimidated by this guy because you ARE his equal! Good luck and have SO MUCH FUN!!! :)

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Where are all these awesome emoticons coming from? I downloaded one and tried to attach it but it told me the file size was too big...

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I am sure you will be great! I have no advice on dating. I am older and on my third (but final :D ) husband. Soo....I don't think I would be good at marital advice either :blush: . Just be yourself. My husband (#3) and I actually met when we were 19. We dated for a year, broke up and went our seperate ways. Didn't talk for 14 years and I looked him up one night on Facebook and sent a message. We started talking, became friends and then....well, we're married so I guess you can figure out the rest. Damn, just realized I am rambling. You will do great! If he's a douche, well, it's his loss.

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Hey Ashley,

Well it looks like you've got a big bunch of fans here and I don't have anything more to say other than BIG PAT ON THE BACK FOR YOU... and here is why: wasn't it less than 2 weeks ago you were asking what to do about your crappy current relationship? And we were all saying, just go on a date or two, it will be good to see the world out there and that there are other people than your (then) current beau. And look! Here you are. So rather than getting anxious about what's ahead, be proud of yet ANOTHER amazing accomplishment. You continue to out-do yourself. There is a pattern emerging!

Oh, and the Harvard guy? Yeah, whatever. Cassie's hubby's got the right approach. Hey, Harvard just got sprung for a huge cheating scandal that broke today, so that would certainly make an interesting conversation, ("So, Farquar III, I'm assuming that cheating is pervasive there or no? Tell me alllll about your experiences at such a competitive environment blah blah blah"). Of course Ashley I'm not saying that this is necessarily a good conversation starter, I'm just curious. Actually I was thinking about it in the shower today, and thinking well if cheating is as rampant at Harvard as it seems to be, and it is such a high-pressured, A-type-personality school, then adderall abuse must be de-riguer. You never know, you might have a junkie on your hands hahahhaa!!!

HAVE FUN. And wear your good luck underwears. :P

Good luck underwears!!!!! Ahhh,the twisted and peculiar things I find funny. But yeah I sooooo think you should say "Hi,I'm Ashley ...great to meet you and my girl MFA wants to know what the fucks up with Harvard anyway...why you gotta be frontin like that huh????" Hahaha ....OK,OK fine. Have a good time and just enjoy what hopefully turns out to be a great evening with a cool Guy. If not,his loss for sure. ;)

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HOLY JESUS AND MARY AND JOSEPH!!!! MFA.....I GOT THE QUOTE CRAP RIGHT!!!!! YAYYYYYY!! :) :) :)

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Course just I may FINALLY get this quote shit down....look at all of you ladies just throwing up your little happy faces..".mine is happier than yours!!!!".."well mine has barrettes"..."well my happy face is flipping your happy face off while wearing a hello-kitty T-shirt" LOL..(IM KINDA STRANGE) but yeah I just can't seem to keep up with the simplest of technology. :o

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I've been MIA this weekend because it was so busy, but the first thing I did every morning is catch up on my quitting crew....and throughout the day and night, , just didn't have time to post :) The guy was a douche, but I had one of the best weekend I've had in ages. Conquered my fear of flying (I don't know about conquered, but I did it!!!), and had some fun adventures with my family. Truly living again feels so good :)

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By the way, you guys are awesome. You are so supportive, and I'm a "virtual" stranger. I really appreciate all of your kind words.

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